Music, the rains and a long drive!

Last night, I had to stay back at work for a call late at night. S was off yesterday, so with much tredipation, I took the car to work...though i did'nt remember or realize that I would have to stay back for the call... So its about 10.30 p.m and I have to drive back home, late at night, and to add to that, its raining. Let me be honest, I was shit scared that I should reach home safely ( with S calling me every now and then, worried about me...it added to my apprehension!). Anyway, I got off to a good start and there was not too much traffic, obviously coz it was pretty late.

I put on the radio and there was some nice old hindi numbers....the lovely rains and the pleasant breeze....what can i say? I began to relax slowly and thoroughly enjoyed the drive...Usually, I don't even put on the music, coz I am scared that I won't hear others honking or something like that...I am on edge to even enjoy the music...

Sometimes, in life, some things turn out quite well even if it seemed really difficult when you started off, it could be the smallest of things!! When I first learnt to drive the car, I felt I could never do it right...I would think, you should know when to change the gears, also keep an eye on the road for cyclists, bikes, lorries, other cars, humans, animals AND maneuver the big thingy without hitting on anyone AND balance the clutch, accelerator and the brakes! There is only so much I can do, right? I am not yet there....but I am slowly getting there, in the process, learning to enjoy driving as well... Now, S need not force me to drive over the weekends ( I know he is doing it for my own good!), I volunteer to drive, which pleasantly surprises both of us!!

Its a very big deal for me to be out firstly, that late at night all alone and all by myself drive the car home! So i was thrilled to bits! :-)

I bought a nice skirt, one size smaller deliberately, so that its an incentive to work out...and you know what?...It already fits!! I am thrilled to bits...
I want to put it down here, so that I am encouraged to work out and discipline myself everytime i read it! :D

Blast from the Past!!

From the time I created an account in Orkut, after much prodding from my brother....in the last couple of years, there have been pleasant surprises ever so often in the form of a 'friend request' from friends in school, college, people I have met from tuitions, computer classes or even acquaitances like a friend's brother or sister!! While I am not all that kicked up about acquaintances, I am absolutely delighted when I hear from a school or college friend or someone with whom I shared a close relationship but we drifted due to respective careers, marraige or circumstances.

There is a lot of joy in exchanging information about our lives in the few years we have not been in touch albeit through IM or e-mails or even phone calls. After the first paper trail, I tend to think and wonder how we have all grown and changed ( for better or worse) in our respective lives, both physically, emotionally, proffesionally and personally.

I don't believe in living in the past. I enjoy every phase to the fullest and move on...and i think that's the way it works best. You can never hear me saying 'I wish we could go back in time'....I am very happy where I am right now, and I also enjoyed that time earlier. PERIOD. However, these little surprises are wonderful as it feels really good to know how my friends are doing and vice versa! Three cheers to orkut, indeed!! :-)
I can't access orkut from work coz its termed a dating site....so I am so kicked about going home to check orkut coz a friend would have left a scrap or posted pictures of themselves, especially curious to see their spouses coz we would have discussed at length about it in college, or friends who have just had babies....it brings so much happiness and i am so excited and gush all about it to S, who can't really relate to it coz he has never met them! :D

Something to look forward to...

The long weekend was extremely relaxing and we were blissfully living in our own heaven! :-)

S and I crossed our fingers and finally booked our tickets to Italy! :-) So the preparation starts now, and we pored the net, travel books and some detailed information from a dear friend, Asha who made a trip to Italy and Austria in April this year ( she has neatly filed all the details and I get ready-made organized information!). Last time, when we planned a trip to Singapore, it was much easier as we stayed with S's mama there who also took us around a lot! Here, we will obviously have to figure out accomodation, finances, leave, clothes ( yup, I never let go of any chance!) among other things...

Anyways, I am very excited about the trip and wanted to put it down in writing!! Something that I am REALLY looking forward to... if any blog readers have some information to share, please comment...

Living separate lives...

Speaking to my SIL on the phone, who lives in the U.S for a decade now, reminded me how much our lives are separate, even from immediate family nowadays...I remember how as a kid, I have spent many a vacation, playing with my cousins, stealing mangoes from the near by factory and feeling all heroic about it among so many other exciting things we did. I vividly remember my Dad used to give away prizes for all of us for which we had to learn the multiplication tables. We would have a competition and of course, the one who gives the maximum correct answers would win them! We lived near the beach ( my parents still do!) and we would all get up early in the morning and go the beach to play in the waters and later play seven stones, volleyball, throwball etc..When i think about it now, I did have a lot of fun and I have travelled all over the country with my Mom and sometimes, cousins too!

As we grew up, especially since i got married, except for a few e-mails here and there, and of course, thanks to our respective careers we have all moved apart.

S and I often wonder, if and when we have kids, they will hardly have any family, to interact or play with, except maybe our respective siblings ( we both have only one!), and that too, if we all happen to live in the same country...

Fact remains that, work takes up so much of our time during the week, that when weekend comes all we both want to do is spend time with each other rather than socializing. Everyone has termed us an 'anti-social' couple! Just so that we have more time on weekends, sometimes i try to do the grocery-shopping on Friday evenings coz I invite my friends for dinner or lunch. Since we moved to our new home, i try and call people over...

I have never stayed alone all my life or travelled alone anywhere until i got married. Now, I am used to both. I do miss my parents even now but I am kind of accustomed to it now. Initially, I would cry at night that I want to see my mother! :-) A 22-yr old crying for her mother, I know...I was too naive those days...I think I still am, in certain ways...but I can take care of myself now, atleast I think so! On occasions like birthdays, I feel bad that I am not there with them. I try to make it special for them, and that's when I did this for my Dad! Amma's birthday is on 30-aug and I am wondering how i can make it special for her... :-) Infact, I know what i am going to do...

The grass is always greener on the other side!

We all have fantasies that we hope that it may come true sometime in future. But sometimes when it actually does happen, you don't really think it was really all that worth it, it could be meeting someone of whom you had a better mental image than in reality or doing something you thought would be super fun!

One such fantasy of mine in my teens was to live alone or with friends and do anything I want with noone to supervise me or discipline me from watching T.V. to eating whatever I want, wear whatever i want... or to go anywhere I want to! I live that 'fantasy' very often whenever S is away on travel. The initial two days are fun, to be with myself and all the ruminating! I do watch T.V. and eat/not eat if i want to, or read as much as I want, without any practical chores to do...but by the third day, my feet needs to be dragged to go back to an empty home. There is an eerie silence in the house...which is kinda prickly!

One sentence that you can often hear me saying is 'An individual is an individual', but this turns into an overload of individual space. Indeed, the other side of the grass is always greener!!

My touch to a plain candle holder!

New additions to my Home!

Calmness Personified, Literally!

Our very own Buddha under a personalized Bodhgaya tree that emanates light ;-)

The other side of the grass is always greener!

We all have fantasies that we hope that it may come true sometime in future. But sometimes when it actually does happen, you don't really think it was really all that worth it, it could be meeting someone of whom you had a better mental image than in reality or doing something you thought would be super fun!

One such fantasy of mine in my teens was to live alone or with friends and do anything I want with noone to supervise me or discipline me from watching T.V. to eating whatever I want, wear whatever i want... or to go anywhere I want to! I live that 'fantasy' very often whenever S is away on travel. The initial two days are fun, to be with myself and all the ruminating! I do watch T.V. and eat/not eat if i want to, or read as much as I want, without any practical chores to do...but by the third day, my feet needs to be dragged to go back to an empty home. There is an eerie silence in the house...which is kinda prickly!

One sentence that you can often hear me saying is 'An individual is an individual', but this turns into an overload of individual space. Indeed, the other side of the grass is always greener!!

The Baronial Ellora Caves!

Its a no-brainer that I went to the splendid Ellora Caves over the weekend! :-) We made plans last weekend but finally did'nt make it coz we did not make proper arrangements. I have read so much about the Ajantha & Ellora Caves in History at school, I had great expectations. It did not disappoint me one bit, the architecture and the grandiose is simply magnificient...

Its about a 4.5 hrs drive and we spent about 4-5 hours exploring the caves on Saturday and we left Aurangabad on Sunday and drove back for another 5 hrs...S drove the car throughout,put up my legs and slept halfway!!! The natural light falls into some of the caves so beautifully..its a sight worth watching and I am assuming it is a deliberate attempt for natural light to flow in!! Some of the caves smell of bat poo but i guess that is something that can't be helped...and in some of the caves, restoration work is going on and hence are closed for visitors...There are about 35 caves or more in Ellora alone! By the time we finished exploring all the caves, it became dark and it started raining! S and I went to a nearby snack place and had kandha bhajiyas (onion fritters), and enjoyed watching the rain, while talking about our childhood days...it was a very pleasant evening!!

On the way back to the hotel, we stopped to buy Paithani sarees, which is an Aurangabad special and an age old art of weaving. I don't wear any sarees at all, so instead I picked up a Paithani Double Bedsheet...in black!! ( Yes, I love black!!)

I guess i really need to build my stamina coz i am feeling extremely tired and dragged myself to work today! My whole body aches and I look like I have worked hard at the construction site with the local mason!

But, S and I really enjoyed this trip that we plan to do many more such trips often...

Home Improvement Idea I - Revisited!

...Instead of spending some more money on buying furniture for the T.V. room in addition to the sofa in the Living room, diwan in the balcony, and numerous other necessities like double beds in every room....I converted an extra mattress into this low seating with colorful cushions thrown in....a cozy setting, ideal to cuddle up and watch T.V. or movies together... :-) It also has storage space where I can dump all the extra bedsheets, pillows and sundries...

Also, there are cloud shaped backrests which are not seen, as there are cushions in front of them!! Its the same thing, just a better photo!! :-)

Home Improvement Idea II

This is a simple paper light I picked up in Pondicherry. As part of customizing the T.V.Room, I pestered S to hang this up for me. Then, I took some artificial creepers and covered up the wires and viola! I have a pretty nice looking addition to the room which also provides light;-) What do you think? :-)

Natural fragrances are something!

When Ritu visited me, her sweet little daughter gave me a big bunch of Rajnigandha ( I have to say that I had no clue about these flowers before, though I have always curiously eyed it at the florist's shops!). It exudes such a lovely fragrance in the entire home, I have one more reason to get back home! No perfumes or room freshners can match the fragrance that nature offers - be it rajnigandha in this case or the smell of Jasmine ( I love fresh buds of Jasmine!).

I am addicted to this fragrance that I replenish it from time to time! An indulgence that is simple yet refreshing!

A weekend well spent...

Did a little bit of everything this weekend....and I have come to work with a good feeling! :-) Saw 'Jaane tu' on Saturday and thoroughly enjoyed it, a light-hearted romance with some humour every now and then...Both S and I did a bit of cleaning too, as I was equipped with the vaccum and S with Colin! ;-)...I am surprised to say that I actually enjoy cleaning and its almost therapeutic...went grocery shopping after the movie and made pasta for dinner! Pasta is something I could never imagine myself eating, but recently I have acquired a taste for it, thanks to S!

Sunday began late as I lounged around reading the paper in leisure and we had a heavy breakfast. S and I are planning to go to Rome in December and kept discussing the finances, leave at work and of course, the dates!! I have to figure out how to get the Schengen Visa done too and hopefully ( my fingers crossed!) our trip gets confirmed soon!!! I am soooooo excited...
That's how we planned our trip to Singapore last year and it was super fun!! We watched many movies too and played a game of scrabble in the evening, which was a lot of fun! All in all, we enjoyed ourselves TOTALLY!!

Edited to add: I am planning some new home improvements...will post pics soon as soon as they get done!..and oh! i almost forgot, I managed to get a haircut too!!

A MUST watch!

I saw an awesome movie called 'Pay it Forward' last night on HBO. What a beautiful movie! The movie starts off in the classroom and the teacher gives a Social Science project to the kids about changing the world and to believe that Goodness till exists. One of the kids ( the same kid who was the protagonist in 'The Sixth Sense') comes up with an ingenious project idea and the story moves on to show how the little project becomes a movement. It was a touching movie and reiterates at every point that there is Goodness in each one of us, just needs to be discovered by self!

I was bawling at the end of the movie ( I know I am hyper-sensitive!) and was gasping for breath, ya I cried sooo much. It inspired me to be a better person at some level and I will work on it. I don't want to reveal how it ends and spoil your experience.

I am sure there will be reruns of this movie, do watch it if you can !!!

What is this world coming to?

It was one of those days when S was away and I went to the nearest grocery store, on the way back home from work to buy my staple diet of bread! As i parked my bike, I noticed these school kids - two girls and a boy sitting right outside the shop ( Its a big shopping complex with lots of flats nearby) in a residential area. They were dressed in their school uniforms and must have been in Xth Standard...I just glanced at them as I entered the shop...

When i got back and was about to start the bike, I saw all of them smoking cigarettes...and the boy takes a drag on one hand, and slowly smooches the girl in the most vulgar and cheap kiss I have ever seen....the other girl looks on as she sits nearby at them! The girl he was kissing slowly smiles as she starts biting his neck!! I was shocked, to say the least and pinched myself to make sure that I am not having hallucinations in the middle of the day!

As I went back home, I had tears in my eyes and I don't have a reason for it. I just cried and was really upset to see innocence raped like that...I am not a prude, but what i saw that day saddened me a hell lot...They were kids, for God's sake!

Restless!

I am feeling restless right now...( all those well-meaning friends out there, I am absolutely fine, no problems...its just me!)...I feel as if I didn't do anything completely if you know what I mean? I could have pursued my Music with more passion instead of simply going with the flow like everyone else...why didn't I goad myself further, I think, when I hear awesome soul-stirring music and think why didn't i explore the music in me...I can already hear my mom in the background screaming 'I told you so...'.

I have a healthy mix of friends, there are those who are happily married with kids within a year or so, totally domesticated and there are those who are pretty much single and career-oriented jet-setting around the world and there are some others who are precisely like me. I am neither here nor there....I am not too domesticated nor too ambitious. Is that good or bad? Most importantly, does it need to be good or bad? what's important is that I am comfortable where I am...Well, I AM! But I do think once in a while if I am living life to the fullest, doing everything that i wanted to do?

Life is wierd sometimes, and the human mind is even more complex. All you can think of is about acheiving or getting something and once you do, you move on to greener pastures now that its done! You dont linger on to enjoy or appreciate what you have achieved..isnt it?
I hate people who cross items off their balance sheet and check with you to compare with yours! Am i not doing the same?

Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I feel like hugging someone or wonder if a hug would clear my mind? I really need the warmth of a hug, maybe I want reassurance, I dont know, am i weird?

So this is what is royalty?!

With the lovely weather and monsoons comes the inconvenience of trudging along slippery and slushy roads while riding the bike to work...As I rode to work today, I see a cute little 'royal' kid of maybe 3 yrs or so on the road....I say 'royal' coz his mom scurries along with him hurriedly, holding an umbrella over him, while he saunters along with her, casually glancing at everyone, enjoying the weather and basically enjoying himself totally, oblivious to the chaos around him and a quizzical expression on his cute little face...I just could not stop smiling... Children, I tell you!! :-)

Where do i stand?

The car driving is going on well and I have successfully driven to work for the past one week, though it requires deep concentration and I am soo much on edge that I am all stressed out and sweating! :-) But I am not giving up and continue to drive even when it was raining today and I was not too confident...

With S being away, I didnt really look forward to the weekend. Surprisingly, time flies when you are with friends...I went for a movie on Saturday with Vibs and her husband Bajrang, the movie was nothing to write home about...but was good fun meeting up with them. They came all the way to my place to pick me up and got dropped back as well as it was quite late in the night... On Sunday again, I met up with my friend A and over lunch, we decided on going for a movie yet again! Off we went to her place, informed her husband and went for the movie 'Aamir'. The movie is quite short by Bollywood standards, but an awesome movie. Everyone should see this 'must-see' flawless script! I simply loved the movie.No song-dance routine or any item number rubbish that draws your attention away from the main plot. So it was a well-spent weekend, but at the end of the day, I still missed not having S around me...

On the work front, a senior manager has kindly accepted to be my mentor. I was suprised that he judged me so well in just a matter of few minutes. I am working on being positive, calm and to overcome my emotions which will definitely help develop my professional demeanour and personally as well. Now that I have identified where I could improve myself, I am going to start working on it seriously...

I have been tagged back!

Onlineraga tagged me back! I think the essence of the tag is to encourage you to pick up a long-forgotten book and read! ...And it did push me to read this wonderful book. Its a collection of 'Selected Short Stories' by Rabindranath Tagore which is profound in some and downright funny elsewhere!

The rules of the tag:

• Pick up the nearest book.
• Open to page 123.
• Find the fifth sentence.
• Post the next three sentences.
• Tag five people, and acknowledge the person who tagged you.

" In the end, Ahir village also brought out a paper. They didn't mince their words. They hurled insults with such zeal and in such crude and vulgar language that the very letters on the page seemed to shreik before one's eyes."

Thanks Dhati, I had forgotten all about this book that I borrowed from my friend...to read!
I tag Ritu, Vibuti, Satyajit, Revathi and Cartoonist!

The Monsoons and a challenge!

The monsoons are here and I love the rains! Of course, I would be in bliss if i could sit at home, reading a nice book while sipping tea or watching a movie cuddling with S! However, there is something called work to be done in an office and I have decided to sacrifice that during the week...but weekends will be a different story!! :-)
...While I am very happy about the rains and the monsoons and the weather ensures that I get up with a smile on my face, it poses other practical problems like commuting to work on my bike can be very problematic and a drenched me! For some time, S has been grumbling, complaining, begging, threatening and every thing possible under the sun to make me drive! I can drive confidently if he is sitting along with me. But I am shit scared to take the car all by myself coz firstly, its a big car and secondly, i dont want to cause any damages to the car or anyone else on the road. But I cant afford to remain scared forever and refuse to drive the car. I know that! If I can ride a bike like a pro, the car will be easy too, with practice!

S is travelling to UK for 2-3 weeks and the car is at my disposal. So we have a deal, if I drive to work in the car in this period all by myself ( I dont have a choice!), I get diamonds. The materialistic side of me is overpowering and the lure of the diamonds are strong! I have accepted the challenge....I have a lot to gain, diamonds and I will dispel the fear in me....If i lose, big deal...HIS car is damaged... ;-) (just kidding!!)...I know i WILL do it...

I return home from work, enjoying the ride on my bike, smiling to myself as I can feel the cool breeze on my face, lovely mountains and beautiful clouds and think to myself how lucky I am to live in such a lovely locality, when I see a little girl sitting all cute wearing a stitched sari probably…and I want to tell her “Darling, You have a lot of time to be a woman when you MUST be fully dressed in sarees or any formal clothes…why don’t you enjoy your innocence and wear cute frocks or shorts and play with abandon…while you can!”…and I start reminiscing my childhood when I was carefree, spirited and innocent!

The Quirks Tag!

Vibhuti has tagged me and for the love of God, I cant understand why anyone would be interested in reading about my Quirks!..ahem, anyway here I go…

1. When I come back home from work, even if I am dog tired, the first thing I will do, even before I keep my bag down is to straighten the cushions or arrange the strewn newspapers. I am totally obsessed with my home and like it neat, clean and organized. Also, I can never get enough of cushion covers or artificial flowers…it’s almost like an OCD.
2. I prefer chat / SMS /E-mail conversations to phone calls or direct person-to-person conversations. There is a certain thrill in the virtual world as you don’t what is to come…it is like anticipating for the unexpected, very similar to how Life is! Philosophical, eh?
3. I don't trust men sporting a full beard ( not french beard, S has one! , I mean the full-faced beard!) and guys who wear kumkum! When I was in college, my professor said candidly that such men are not trustworthy and I blindly believed him! I still do...
4. I just detest, absolutely detest seeing someone brush their teeth, neither do I let anyone see me brush…I find it extremely gross!!! Why, you ask?...Ahem you asked for my quirks?
5. My hair has to be soft, silky and shiny everyday!!! On days, I don’t get the time to wash my hair, I imagine I look bad and am all fidgety and all I can think the whole time is that I should have washed my hair today as well, like I am feeling right now!!
6. When I get some new clothes stitched from the tailor, even if I have like a dozen ( I always have!) to be stitched and even if it means numerous inconvenient trips to the tailor’s shop, I will ALWAYS give only one outfit at a time. I have this intuition that if I give him more than one, he will spoil it! I feel he will lose interest by the time he gets to the second one. Yeah!! Go figure…
   
   Now, its my turn to read other interesting blogs with interesting quirks!
   
   The Meme rules --

• Link the person who tagged you.
• Mention the rules in your blog.
• Describe 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
• Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.

Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs to inform them of having tagged them.

Ritu

Preeti

Arundhati

Revathi

Themadmomma

Babies Anonymous

Boo

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

S and I had just got back from a pretty long stay in the UK, a long time away from home, our people, family and friends and we were in the midst of setting up our home here in Pune. S was off to work and I was left to do the arduous task of unpacking and arranging all our stuff, since I didn’t have a job to go to, at that point of time. I was feeling very lonely, bored and longed to see a single soul from my family or friends or even someone remotely familiar…so basically I was homesick!

As I was brooding and waiting for S to return all day, I get a call from S informing me that my friend Nikitha’s friend (She lives and works in Bombay) would visit me and pass on a parcel that she wanted to give me. So I tidied myself up to look presentable and decent for the stranger friend who would come home anytime. Within a couple of minutes, the doorbell rang and I greeted the stranger guy ( who happens to be a sweet guy by name sumit). He smiles and says here is the parcel and I see that his hands are empty! Out of nowhere, Nikitha springs up and gives me a big warm hug and you can clearly hear shrieks of joy from the union and I can’t stop grinning. I was overwhelmed with joy to see her, she stayed with me for a while chatting and left for Mumbai by evening. She had come all the way from Mumbai just to give me a surprise!
I had a warm fuzzy feeling all day and was full of smiles when S got back home and I eagerly started relating the surprise to him!! What a wonderful surprise that was, just when I needed it. Indeed, A friend in need is a friend indeed!! Niki is a darling friend of mine, she is like a charming little kid with the most warm smile and a loving personality!

'Kamala Sanyaas'...

I am someone who thinks about something or the other all the time, read worry sometimes too!! So in order to help myself, I had decided that I would not think too much about anything and just go with the flow!! It is indeed, really very difficult for me, but something that I am trying to cultivate for my own self!

A friend once told me that you should learn to detach yourself from self...no this is not the way to attain nirvana or anything, it is simply a technique to view the events or things that happen to you, as a viewer...detached from yourself. It is called 'kamala sanyaas'....similar to the 'Lotus' flower. If you notice a lotus closely, the water does not stick to the leaves....it remains detached from the leaf/flower, hence the comparison! So I try and keep telling myself not to think negatively or worry about something that I don't have control over...but I am so wierd...

..Like S once told me a story about a guy who would complain of headaches and go to a doctor regularly with the same complaint. The doctor figured that there was nothing wrong with him to cause any headache and realized its all in his mind...so he said everytime you suffer from a headache, take these pills...but try not to think about monkeys when you take them!!

Invariably, the guy would only think of monkeys everytime he needed to take the pill... :D

Similarly, I start thinking about why I don't worry about the things I used to...now...ya! Go Figure!!! :-)

Sappy wife thy name is yours truly!

I was flicking through our wedding album ( got hold of it only now, was with my MIL so long!) a couple of days back and could'nt help wondering where S and I stand today as opposed to our wedding day. Like everyone else, I dreamt of a loving partner, unfortunately I didnt get that....I got a wonderful partner who dotes on me like I was the last lovable person left on this earth!! ( Gotcha??)

Let me begin by saying that I did't instantly fall in love with him and I definitely don't believe in love at first sight. I believe love needs some time to grow strongly and to remain that way. Our relationship has evolved over the years and now we are so in tune with each other that we can complete each other's sentences or for that matter, to a large extent, know what the other was thinking about on a certain instance, without any of us uttering even a word about it.

Romance is not just about heart-shapes jewellery, roses or diamonds....the real romantic love lies in the small gestures that we do everyday...like when S covers me up at night when I am too deep into slumber to realize am cold or when he chides me for leaving my clothes on the floor sometimes, yet organizes my clothes in my wardrobe and ( I am much better at organizing my clothes now, thanks to him!) indulges in my gardening skills and gingerly pulls out the car to get some more potted plants for the nth time, or when he grudgingly shops along with me for artificial flowers or cushion covers, which he knows I can never have enough of....There are so many things I could write here...that he does for me! very thoughtfully I must add...in addition to making my birthday or our anniversary special!! :-)
I believe it is these little things that make us happy and certainly the fact that we have so much to share everyday, when we get back from our respective work-days. It is very nice to know and share each other's perspective about our respective careers at the end of the day.

I am a very hot-tempered woman, and I lose it at the drop of a hat... Being with S has mellowed me down in so many ways that sometimes, when I do control my temper, it amazes me. He is so much part of me, that even when he travels for just a couple of days, Urs truly is fully transformed into a pining and sappy wife! I don't think THAT is gonna change for years to come...for all the above said reasons and more...God bless...

true to the title of my blog...

I am just gonna ramble on here...Offlate, I have been having some really wierd dreams, so wierd that I can't imagine where to start....THAT wierd!

Anyway, you know I am this restless kinda person....and routine bores me like anything. I get up in the day thinking there will be surprises...of course i am only talking about pleasant surprises....may be something like an award at work or even better a promotion, a holiday to Newzealand, a gift? new clothes? if not, a new lipstick? or maybe even something as simple as a day off...Like back in school, when you reach school to find that its a holiday!! Its an awesome feeling...am sure everyone else feels that way too, Now come on, dont you? I read my forecast everyday in the paper, but I am that kinda optimistic types who thinks only the positives will work for me. If there is something negative, I always think 'Come on, there are other pisceans in this world, must be for them!!" :D

The trip that I spoke about here is happening and I am going to Pondicherry in June. Lots of poeple go " Pondicherry?? Why would you want to go there???" I dont know...I think it will be a lot more pleasant in those beaches rather than the Goa ones ( atleast the ones I went to..) where all you can see are hordes of people on dirty mattresses and young boys pestering you to go on one of those water sports thingies. Now, I am all for fun and frolic but its an overkill when you are not allowed to settle down or even decide what you want to do...So puhleez, Pondicherry anyday, thank you!! I had a rocking time there once when I went with my office folks, it was such a lot of fun and a really memorable trip. I loved the quaint little town. Also, the incentive for me is that I get to visit my folks and stay with them. Incidentally, their anniversary is the next day to mine...so one more special reason! :-)

All my close friends have had babies and I have not seen them all in a long time though I am constantly in touch through IM..dont know how many people I can visit in such a short while! Wish there were many more hours in a day to do all that I want to do or need to do...

Neend na aaye....tere bina....
Dil Ghabraye...tere bina..

....Its a Sunday evening, S has just gone to Bangalore.....and am left home in the evening We have been messaging each other ever since...I miss him! I know its only a couple of days, but i still miss him....I like to see him around...in the background, reading a paper, polishing his shoes, drinking coffee, listening to his music that I simply cant understand, talking to me, teasing me, cuddling with me watching TV, fighting for the TV, hell...even playing his games on his stupid mobile!...Hell, I MISS you dude...


....I am alone at home. The house is extremely quiet...and I look out the window as I write here...wondering where I lost something really precious that my hard working parents struggled to give me...and I feel like an ass...I hope to God I have not lost it and get it back!! :-( I cant stop thinking about it...apart from S!

Flashback...

A couple of years back, when S and I were living in Bangalore, S joined a gym and I accompanied him. The gym instructor was the typical macho guy with biceps, triceps and the works…I went up to him and enquired about the facilities, timings etc. and he was actually quite pleasant…

The next day, S came back home, not looking too pleasant….so I asked him what happened…and this is what he had to say…
S was working out in the gym when the instructor was making small talk with him…
Instructor: Sir, do you stay near by?
S: Yeah, sort of...( he is not the type to make small talk, he is usually quiet unlike me!)
Instructor: I have seen that girl pretty often on the road…the one who came with you yesterday…
S (doubtfully): is it?
Instructor: I was wondering about her?
S: as in?
Instructor: Is she your sister?
S: NO! ( an emphatic one!)…She is my WIFE!!!
Lol…I couldn’t stop laughing for a long time. To this day, it amuses me when I think about it…for some strange reason, after several such incidents, people tend to think we are siblings. For the love of God, I don’t understand why, coz we have very different facial features…but we are both tall and round faced!

Sometimes, I wonder what it would mean to have a sister. I have a great relationship with my brother and we are pretty close. When I see my friends with sisters, I see an easy camaraderie; almost a mother-child relationship without the formal frills and a lot of close friendship put in…its beautiful. It makes me wonder how it would be to have a sister…of course, as a kid, I didn’t want a sister coz the selfish-me didn’t want to share my clothes, accessories or anything with another girl who happens to be my mother’s first or second child! (Yup, that’s what I thought a sister could be. nothing more, nothing less!!)… I now know how wrong I was…coz it is like nurturing your kid, though it sounds clichéd, the idea of sharing your dreams, love, affection, parents, home, secrets, clothes, rooms and everything wonderful and happiness that only sharing can bring about…an almost selfless perfect love…

I must say I have always wondered when I look at sisters and if one of them is prettier or more successful than the other, do they feel jealous or have a low self esteem? But I always end up answering my own question. Do I feel jealous or envy my brother for being successful or for being happy? No, all I can feel is an immense pride and happiness to see him happy and successful…isn’t that how sisters would feel too?...But something that I am sure of is that girly conversations and late night talks definitely happens only among sisters….I have good fun with my brother and we share a few laughs and talk/support each other in times of crisis…but we don’t really talk about everything under the sun for hours together, I think it is something to do with women… I guess I will never know… There is no limit to anything that your heart desires, isn’t it? Brother or sisters, siblings are priceless and it’s a feeling that cannot be described easily in words…as a kid, there were times I hated having an elder brother….but fact remains that I cant imagine my life without him now…I proudly proclaim to this world that I am indeed blessed to have such a wonderful brother – the most caring and loving sibling anyone could have! J

Sheer bliss!

S and I had a very relaxed weekend. On Saturday, we decided to go to a different restaurant instead of the usual haunts. We went to this swanky greek restaurant called ‘Seasons’….the food was awful (the serene and beautiful ambience was lovely)…but the most important factor sucked big time, I can't stand bland food! Anyway, we ate in slow motion and on our way back had such an interesting conversation that S missed a turn and we ended up driving all the way to Satara! Got back home by midnight, was good fun though…

Sunday was very pleasant and a cool breeze kept caressing our faces, as S and I sat on the swing ( yup, I am crazy about that part of my home!), sipping cold coffee….we kept chatting and laughing about something that I cant remember now….most importantly, both of us were two shining happy faces reveling in the joy of a nice evening spent in our lovely home!! I felt so content and blessed…

...hmmmmm.....

I have been busy for the past few weeks with house guests, work and a few other things to be taken care of, at home. Though, I have been reading all the other blogs in the meantime, I did'nt really have anything interesting to write home about..

A little self-introspection I did made me realize that I have become so much calmer!! While, in the past I would have reacted immediately, in recent times, I have learnt to keep quiet and not say anything at all, which in itself is a big step for me....so I keep telling myself ' I am proud of you, girl!!' I have always been under the misconception that being outspoken is the right way to be... unfortunately for me, nope! it doesn't help...people judge you for it and the impression stays!! I guess I am getting older and its showing in my personality! :) My frequent reactions to most things is to smile, but my face gives me away as you can see myriad expressions on my face even if my mouth is shut! he he...come on, gimme a break...it takes time!!

On a tangent mode, and for some strange reason, I am longing to go to Pondicherry, maybe I will discuss with S and we can celebrate our anniversary there... By the way, I celebrate my fifth wedding anniversary this June, if any one can give me some interesting and unique gift ideas, please leave comments. I want to make something personal for S, not some expensive gift or anything please....something that I do with effort, straight from the heart kind of thing....and no! poetry is not something I am really good at....this is proof for that statement! ;)

I have started reading books and can't imagine why I have been wasting my time talking!! :D
Its sheer bliss to sit with a good book on the swing with the chimes and the sound of water gushing in the background...after the constant chatter at work for both official and personal purposes and of course, being ME!....the reading sessions are a welcome break. I cant believe am saying this, but I love the solitude! ( not more than a few hours, thank you!)

I am hooked on to this song by the band 'Fuzon', yup the same band that sang the lovely song...'Mora saiyaan'...in Hyderabad Blues 2! This new song is soul stirring ( for me!)...its titled 'Neend naa aaye' and really romantic!! Go listen to this song here and if you like it, go ahead and download it...you wont regret it! Trust me..of course, if you are the melody loving kinda person I am! :-)

I loved this Quote!!

Life gives Answers in 3 Ways...

It says YES and gives Whatever We Want,
It says NO and gives Us something Better,
It says Wait and gives Us the Best..

The birthday gift...was a refreshing break!

S’s birthday gift as mentioned here was a trip to Goa, except that we experienced the unexplored side with valleys and forests and I must say that though I was skeptical initially as we had to drive for more than 2 hours on long winding roads while it was raining cats and dogs!( God help S who had to bear the brunt of sharing the space with me in the car!). We stayed in a nature resort ( google for wildernest, Goa...for some strange reason the blog does not accept the web address) and our cottages had a beautiful view of the valley and you wake up among the clouds, literally! They have done an amazing job in developing this place and you have to go within the forests to reach your cottage. You can enjoy the nature as you read a book or go on mini-treks to even get to the restaurant. Nature enthusiasts will love this place…despite the fact that it is in the middle of the forest, it’s very well maintained with no insects or dirt whatsoever! The first day was filled with loads of activities….we reached there to witness a local folk dance by the village folk followed by dinner and we just hit the bed.

The next day we went on a trek to some caves with loads of bats. I reached the top and later came back coz I got shit scared of the numerous bats there….S insisted that they were blind and were equally scared of us, but that didn’t convince me! J …and I was the only one to slip every time and I have scratches on my arms!!

We got back to the resort for lunch followed by some mehandi and in the evening it just poured! We enjoyed watching the rain sipping hot tea and chatting away to glory. As usual, S and I kept to ourselves and didn’t go near anyone lest they start talking…he he…frankly, on a holiday, I am in no mood to make small polite talk with total strangers. We saw other couples and were really amused that they hardly spoke to each other at meal times while S and I were full of laughter and silly laughs like teenagers!

There were some couples with really small kids who kept complaining that it was a bad idea to come here! Honestly, when you come to a nature resort, you can’t expect 5-star facilities or any kind of commercial entertainment. People will small kids must refrain from going here as its really difficult for kids to enjoy this kind of atmosphere as there is no T.V. or any kind of play area or any activity to keep kids involved.

The next day, we hired a cab and hit the beach and soaked in the water for hours together and I was in seventh heaven coz I just loved the water. S kept saying that I look like a rock chick, with the shorts, bandana and the glasses. I was trying hard to protect myself against the sun…anyways, S got back with a ‘baked’ wife! Later, we did a bit of shopping and headed back right in time before it started raining again. The next day, we both soaked in the awesome swimming pool which overlooks a beautiful view of the valley.

All in all, it was a balanced vacation with a good experience of the beach as well as the mountains, I love the water and S loving the mountains respectively! I would rate it as say 8/10 (read super cool vacation!)

It makes sense to me...NOW!

I read an article on ‘Positive Thinking’ and I badly wanted it to influence me, so that I don’t have any low moments even on rare occasions. The article goes on to say that positive thinking can work wonders!! How? Well, it’s a simple logic which makes sense to me as well. Before we action on something, we think about performing the act first. For example, you think “ I am thirsty! Let me get some water” and then later, we get up and drink water.

Similarly, if you have happy thoughts and strongly keep telling yourself “Everything is fine….There is no reason to be sad”…Indeed, there is no reason to be sad and before you know it you are smiling once again!! J Now that I am “thinking” about being very optimistic and of happy positive thoughts, I will “action” on being positive and cheerful…the analogy works! Right? Right!! J

Birthday Update 2008

Another year gone by…and another year older (for me, it’s only a number. I don’t fret about how much older I am or anything. I mean it…honestly)…richer in memories…

I went to bed, wistfully thinking ‘Damn! I have to go to work on my birthday??!! (Since I got married, I have never gone to work on my birthday)…mostly; S and I spend the day together doing things I like… S surprised me with a birthday cake at midnight, while I was groggy-eyed and wondered if it was a dream…or was I really eating cake? He gave me a surprise gift, the darling of a husband plotted, planned and lied to me about my gift. He has booked us on a trip to Goa!!! Thoughtful dude that he is, he even booked us on a flight ( as I feel nauseous in cars and it’s a long journey from Pune to Goa!)… Goa, here i come....we go there next weekend, its a long weekend with the Good Friday? I love the beaches and I cant wait to soak in the beack for like...forever? I go wild when I see water. :)

Throughout the day he sent me SMS, called me, sent e-cards and when I got home, there was a huge bouquet of flowers with a card that reads ‘Love you baby’…and I went Awwwwwwww….. :) He may not be too happy about my sharing his personal feelings on the web, but I want to chronicle happy memories in my blog….so that I can look back and smile…tell my kids about their wonderful father.

Lots of people remembered my birthday with in-laws wishing me at midnight, parents singing to me early in the morning, to friends wishing me throughout the day in different modes of communication ( thanks to orkut and facebook reminders, i guess). It wasn’t half as bad as I imagined going to work on my birthday….I cut a cake…and my dear friends at work also wished me, gifts, hugs and kisses….I felt much loved. My dear friends Moni and Srija got me some lovely stuff for the house...something I most definitely loved!!

S, if and when you read this, you made me feel so special and very much loved, as always!! I love you with all my heart!! J (..and no, I am not such a private person!) Thank you my dear parents, inlaws and friends for making it a special day for me!

Edited to add: A colleague walked up to me and wished me. He also told me that his son's birthday was the next day. I smiled...He walked away and then as an afterthought, he came back to me and said 'I really wish he grows up to be someone like you -fun-loving, spirited and the happy person that you are...He made my day!' ( I told him so!)

Random updates...

• S gave me a pleasant surprise by wishing me on Women's day and by giving me flowers on top of that. Her highness is mighty pleased ;)
• I am hooked on to the music of 'Jodha Akbar' and 'Classically Mild' by Sonu Nigam...Its awesome and gives me a 'feel-good' sense. ( You can download the MP3 from www.songs.pk)
• 99% of the house is done as we wanted to...and I simply love it. The area is beautiful and I love my safe cocoon....don't know if it is an illusion coz its our own.
• Looks like I have lost weight...my pants are starting to hang loose!
• I have completed about 10 months in my current job...time flies when you are having fun and loads of laughter and smiles!

:-)

My office is located in a township which houses both residential apartments as well as office complexes / IT parks. As we enter the township premises, there is a big beautiful fountain and they have simulated a mist there...As you breeze through that area, you can feel the sprinkles of the mist on your face...its lovely!!! One morning, I saw a group of kids in an auto bugging the driver to drive around the fountain repeatedly and as they felt the sprinkling water, I could hear peals of laughter that rings of genuine happiness.....absolutely bereft of any vile emotions or pretence. The driver kept saying 'ab bas bhi karo. school ke liye time ho raha hai ( Its getting late for school...come on, its enough now!!)...but kept indulging them....Babies are so beuatiful, are'nt they? ( as long as they remain babies ;) )

...and I am back!

I am back from my brief sabbatical and am currently in my own cozy home sweet home!!!!! Yippppppeeeeee……..even with loads of stuff lying around it’s a great feeling and I love it anyway! We celebrated S’s birthday there and he was mighty thrilled about it and so am I ! As I dozed off on my swing last night, I can’t explain in words how good I felt…I felt a certain calm settle over my body and mind….to hear the water guzzling ( there’s a big fountain outside my bedroom balcony) is amazing.

Also, with the shift our endless debates about who will call the carpenter, painter, tilewala, etc will hopefully stop! I realize now that I enjoy staying alone, doing my own thing and having my own space. Don’t get me wrong, its not that I don’t like the parents being around….its just I feel very stifled sometimes with all the opinions from everybody about everything. I feel let me do it my way, even if it is the wrong way…at least I have the satisfaction of trying it by myself…even if I fail…I learn! My mom keeps saying that I have mellowed down so much in these few years. Is that good or bad?

Life's been busy and gets busier!

I have been really busy at work for some time now and there is so much to do at home as well, with the completion of our home, the interiors are up to speed! At the end of a hectic day, I am too tired to pen down my thoughts!! Blogging at work is not allowed anymore, so even if I have something to write, I don't remember it by the time I get home!!

I shall get my life into some order and will see you guys at the other side of it. Ciao! :) So if any of you have come by expecting to see a new post, am sorry to disappoint you!! :)

Happy 100th Post, Dear Blog!

Will you savour the chill breeze on your face
without thinking about your ruffled hair?

Will you laugh out loud brimming with happiness,
without feeling too self-conscious?

Will you ever say what you feel instantly,
without the fear of being judged?

Will you express your love with a kiss or hug,
without wondering what others may think?

Will you cry in sadness,
without feeling that you are weak?

Will you express your angst,
without feeling too impulsive?

Live life to its fullest....Happy 100th Post!! :)

Cheap thrills...

You Make a Great First Impression

You can handle almost any social situation with grace, even the tricky ones. Strangers often find you charming and interesting. You are often remembered fondly. Even if you're not naturally outgoing, you can make conversation with anyone if you need to. Whether you were born this way or had to work to get here, you are definitely charismatic. You're popular and well liked. People definitely look forward to being around you. Your social connections bring you a full and rich life. You understand how important it is to make a lasting impression.

What Kind of First Impression Do You Make?

I strongly believe that it is essential that you value, respect and love yourself as a person first, before expecting others to...so sometimes my impulsive behaviour, tendency to get hurt easily, anger, lack of strength in certain situations not only makes me feel helpless but is a huge disappointment in myself!

When I think about it, I feel that I am not there...but definitely getting there...slowly but steadily...I have learnt to keep quiet, certainly with much effort, when i am fuming inside...yet, I do keep quiet! Frankly, i hate myself for doing it but it is the key to survival! Like my Dad says very often, 'Take it all in, absorb it....you will get a chance too! Every dog has its day!'

Over a period of time, I have learnt time and again that you should never take anything for granted, be it relationships, friends or your career. I have heard from a lot of people that when contentment sets in, there is no ambition in you..you are not charged up anymore. You become complacent....on the other hand, I feel when you are content with your life, a sense of calm accompanies that feeling which shows in your happiness and fulfillment that it gives.

It is your life and all said and done, only you can control the way you look at it. You make a choice how you would like to lead it...no skepticism, no negativity...only pure unadulterated optimism....am gonna say this to myself very often....sort of self- suggestion and the positive thoughts in all respects and aspects will work its charm and I will be surrounded by positive energy and good vibes. There, I made a start!

Incentives!

....I have a bad habit! When I have my coffee in the mornings as I read the paper....I forget to put the mug back in the kitchen sink. It just lies there.....For the love of God, I just can't understand how I forget this tiny little detail...( of course, later on if I do notice it, I will put it back at once)

S hates this habit....and repeatedly calls me to put it back. To help me remember, he has incentivised it. Offlate, I get a bonus gesture of affection from him when I do remember to put it back!

Lo and behold! Now i remember everytime!!! :D

...ahem! I am a smart blonde! :D

Yup! I have colored my hair blonde and S calls me 'the golden girl'. :) Everyone looks at me and gives me another look till I turn round the corner and of course, I love the attention!!! S thinks I look totally like a cool babe...what more do I want??!!!

I don't want to think about how my Mom/Dad will blast me for this and my MIL will say politely ' Why did you have to do this? You had lovely jet black hair, why do you want to spoil your lovely hair with chemicals??' ( I had a preview of what is to come, when I streaked my hair burgundy one new year's (2005) for wanting to do something wild. Now, burgundy is a subtle color and shows only in sunlight. What I have done now is nothing subtle!). I am not planning to tell them anything now....they will be visiting me in Feb for the pooja as we move to our own home, I shall deal with it then! I have tried convincing S to say he forced me to color my hair, as if they would believe it!!! He would do it, only if they would believe..

Anyway, its my hair and its not a crime to do something you want to, even if others think its wrong, right? Right! Most importantly, S and my friends love it...and that's all matters!! As long as people go along with what I say...that's all matters!!! :D Incorrigible, you say? I don't care!

P.S - I could not find an image with the exact color I have....so just something that goes with the theme!! ;)
Edited to add: The girl in the picture is definitely ME!

Not 'Idiot' Box, 'Inspire' Box! relatively speaking...

I have heard so many views on TV that it is an absolute waste of time and all that blah!

Personally, I don't think so! There are some lovely programs on TV that not only entertain but also inspire. It touches a chord somewhere deep....a 31 year old guy spoke on a talk show ( more of a debate) about sacrifice that was aired on TV.

He is working as a chef in a big 5 star hotel and got an assignment in Switzerland. He was going to the airport with his parents and sister, when he saw a destitute old man trying to eat a morsel of rice with his little finger with great difficulty.There was very little food in his hands. That guy immedietly left the car, went to a nearby restaurant and bought him some food. He was thinking, how can I not care? How can I be so uncaring and selfish??

He had an epiphany that day and decided not to take that job abroad. Instead, went home, took all the curd rice that was at home and fed that old man. The old man did not thank him, but looked at him for long with tears running down his cheeks. Something changed his whole outlook that day and he currently runs a trust to feed the destitutes on the roads. He brings them to his home, bathes and cleans them and personally cuts their hair!!! He does'nt think twice to touch them and clean them. Hats off to him.

Lots of people help him and he has turned these people around and they work with him as volunteers. If I did'nt watch T.V.... I would never know that such noble souls exist and It made me realize what a blessed soul I am having everything I want....and it incites me to do something for others, in my own way!

Another channel I love watching is 'Travel and Living'. They offer such a wide variety of programs and show different parts of India, where as an Indian myself, have not been able to go. Not to forget the exotic locales in different countries, I would love to travel around the world and that makes me work hard, well not work hard, but atleast work! :D I have always wanted to go to New Zealand since 'Lord of the Rings' and I will definitely go with S...in some time! :) Our grand plans include going on a europe trip on our 10th anniversary. I also want to visit the Golden temple in Amritsar for some reason. I am so intrigued about that place. Lets hope it materialises...

Don't we choose to take good things in life and move on, ignoring the negativities? I think the same applies to television, right?

On a totally different note, S and I went on a picnic and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We drove around pune and went to a place called Lawarde. I packed some lunch from home - puliodarai (tamarind rice), beans curry, curd rice, gongura ( a pickle made from gongura leaves), microwave vadam ( microwaved fryums) and some fruits.

It was a lovely quiet place and both of us loved the peace and quiet, far away from the maddening crowd.

Weekend update....

Yup! weekend is not over...yet here I am blogging, S is off to Bangalore for a week (!!!!!!) for some workshop yet again! I hate it when he has to go away on a weekend.....but at least he will be back for the next weekend....

Yesterday, S and I finally saw 'Jab We Met'. I simply loved the movie coz the characters are an exact replica of S and I. I was very intrigued when I heard from friends that Geet, the character played by Kareena reminds them so much of me......and S endorsed and confirmed that its absolutely true!!! :) The indulgent smile on Aditya, the character played by Shahid, in the movie is exactly how S looks at me....coz I am indeed like her, the yakkity yak types and who is enthusiastic about everything on earth and who is in her dream world!

There is a scene in the movie where shahid asks kareena ' You absolutely love yourself, don't you?' ....and she replies 'absolutely'!!! S and I looked at each other and laughed out loudly!!! ....Indeed, that's me!!!! :D Her character is very endearing, even if i say so myself....now you kinda know why people think I am like that!!!

By now, you have figured that we loved the movie!!! I loved the music too and I am downloading the music on to my mobile from http://www.songs.pk/ A good mix of slow romantic numbers and good beats.....full paisa vasool, as they say!!

We also went to an exhibition, of construction material, engineering and interiors....thanks to my dear friend Srija, who told me about it. It was a whopping Rs.100/- for the entrance, per person! As we went all the way, we did go and it was indeed interesting. We found some interesting options for the house....had a sumptuous meal at Flag's before the movie....we had a lovely and packed weekend!! :)

aoge jab tum sajnaaa, angna phool khilenge....barsega saawan....barsage saawan.....

(courtesy: Jab We Met!)....S, if you are reading this post, this is for you!!!!

Simple pleasures in life I miss....

..Having home-made esp.amma's thayir sadam(curd rice) with urulakizhangu( potato) curry or vethakuzhambu!

..Being reprimanded for running away with the cordless to speak with my friends and whispering our little secrets in a corner of the room....and at one such time, if appa is there he would say....enga pore? ( where are you going?) ingaye pesu( talk right here in front of me)! ...and I would tell my friend "my dad is here ya! I will talk to you later!".....sneak into the room later and steal the cordless to talk privately!! :)

..lying down on Amma's lap and smelling her saree with its distinct amma-ness and feel the soft material...nothing can compare to that fuzzy and secure feeling.

..Saving throughout the month a sum of Rs.100/- to splurge on miscellaneous junk jewellery in Pondy Bazaar....the anticipation, excitement and thrill does not come with the amount of money that I have now to buy the most expensive clothes! ( comparitively, I mean)

..Getting up early morning to go and play for hours together in Besant Nagar beach! ( I still prefer waking up late, the lazy bum that I am!)

..Reassuring hugs from Amma and Appa that emanate a feeling of security, love and affection. ( I can't receive them whenever I want to, coz I am married now and live away from them!)

..To come back from a long and tiring day at work to hot and come-cooked food. There have been days I have cried in hunger when I get back home, as soon as I got married..

Random musings!

Its winter and extremely cold. As I wake up in the morning, its sheer bliss to snuggle under the quilt and sleep for another 5 minutes.....except that I miss the warmth next to me!

I am very much a people's person and thrive on company all the time. I don't need a big group of friends to chat with, just someone with whom I can have a good conversation and frequencies to match! Staying alone with S away has given me too much time to introspect and I don't like it!! :D

I can't imagine how time flies and it is already time for the new year to arrive! I am confident with hope for all new beginnings in the new year starting with our new home! :) Yup, I can't stop gushing about it...bear with me! :)

A friend has given a keychain that reads 'A closed mouth gathers no foot'. :) Well, yes, sometimes my foot slowly moves towards my mouth....and I am proud to declare that I have learnt to keep my mouth shut and just smile. It makes such a difference to my personality and I feel much better about myself later, I don't have to regret or say anything that might hurt someone....another step towards being a better person taken!

I met S in Oct 2002 and I can't believe it has been 5 years since we have known and loved each other....seems like only 5 months...time flies when you are having fun, eh? I am confident, in fact know that our bond will only grow stronger and closer as time passes by. I say this with utmost confidence.

I believe in expressing my emotions freely, be it to express love or complimenting someone. I don't think twice. As rightly said in the movie 'My best friend's wedding', when such moments pass by, they never come back. Don't we all love to hear compliments? Even in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, rachel tells her friend monica that she wants to profess her love for Ross. When monica convinces her not to, she says 'But don't people love to hear that?'. :) I totally agree with her!

I am very happy with myself for the brave shift in my career choice and I can't imagine how I did'nt dream of doing this earlier. I love my job and am surprised I enjoy it so much...its a revelation, coz I am easily bored and have a short attention span....I was prepared to start from scratch!

Good music gives me such a high like nothing else does....it is a panacea for all evils read negative thoughts or dull moments...

I am very thankful to HIM for giving me a wonderful life, though it has taken some time for me to realize it. I truly believe that there is a GOD up there who loves me and is looking out for his little girl....duh?? me... :)

Big Bonus!!

I have always believed and still do that in any scenario, whether professional or personal, when you don't expect anything, everything you get or receive is a big bonus. I know its easier said than done, but when practiced it really makes sense.

I got married at a pretty young age as compared to a lot of women today. I was 22 when I got engaged and I had no clue what I wanted in a husband, other than a reasonable expectation that he should be taller than me! ( he is way taller than me!)....it has worked well for me. I am perfectly happy with the way our relationship has shaped. Touchwood. To a large extent, I feel it is due to God's and parent's blessings of course, but also coz I did'nt have too many specifications or expectations. So anything I got from the relationship is a big bonus, and I won a whirlwind big time lottery!! :D

I strongly believe that come what way, we all get what is destined for us....both good and bad....so I fail to understand jealousy or comparison with someone else. I don't claim to be holier than thou, after all I am human too....there are times when I feel 'why me?' when I fail at something or when something does not happen at a certain point in my life....but that's about it...I move on...and I definitely feel happy for someone....I don't feel any negativity towards anybody. Absolutely.

But offlate, I see a lot of hypocrites around me who claim that our current generation is very selfish. I want to say atleast I don't have a problem admitting that "Yes! I am selfish. I don't pretend to be something that I am not". I don't say anything in return other than a smile coz I would not like to sound rude or arrogant and I genuinely respect you for your age! ( not exactly your thoughts). There is so much pettiness in your judgement and opinions that I don't want to dignify it with an answer! I stay away from a lot of "friends" who feign concern but in reality are comparing balance sheets of their so called "achievements", if you seem to think so, that is. I am not YOU who is all sweetness in front of me but bitch about me behind my back. It is sad but true that all of them are women, I have never come across such men so far! Maybe, I am meeting all the right ones, who knows? I have slowly come to understand the real meaning of friendship and am glad that I am blessed with good friends now, who give me a hearing before judging me. Infact, they don't judge me at all.

I believe in optimism, prayer and surrounding myself with happy and positive people, happy and positive thoughts and work towards becoming a better human being, not necessarily rich in wealth but rich in character. Finally, is'nt that what matters?

Struggle!

I am someone who is excited about anything and everything.....(now that its diwali,I am waiting to light the carved diyas and paper-mesh light at home!!). At the same time, I also have these bouts of negative thoughts right when I am having fun or extremely happy that dampens my spirit....and I have a fit of sudden rage, anger, irritability and finally end up in tears...it is as if I myself am not happy that I am happy!!!

I hate the fact that one loss in my life sits so strong on my mind that it haunts me time and again. A very confident woman is now scarred for life? I hope not....I know its all within me but I struggle to come out of it. Some people tend to be so rude and mean, without any consideration for your feelings. Maybe, they mean well but finally its my personal struggle that nobody can help me with. I feel very insecure and fear grips me! what if....

I have read time and again that life is all about being positive and I strongly believe in prayer, God and that happiness is a state of mind.....I am looking forward to all good things.....in life with the new year and new house.......new beginnings!!! :)