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Thursday, November 8, 2007

Struggle!


I am someone who is excited about anything and everything.....(now that its diwali,I am waiting to light the carved diyas and paper-mesh light at home!!). At the same time, I also have these bouts of negative thoughts right when I am having fun or extremely happy that dampens my spirit....and I have a fit of sudden rage, anger, irritability and finally end up in tears...it is as if I myself am not happy that I am happy!!!

I hate the fact that one loss in my life sits so strong on my mind that it haunts me time and again. A very confident woman is now scarred for life? I hope not....I know its all within me but I struggle to come out of it. Some people tend to be so rude and mean, without any consideration for your feelings. Maybe, they mean well but finally its my personal struggle that nobody can help me with. I feel very insecure and fear grips me! what if....

I have read time and again that life is all about being positive and I strongly believe in prayer, God and that happiness is a state of mind.....I am looking forward to all good things.....in life with the new year and new house.......new beginnings!!! :)



6 comments:

Revathi said...

Janani,
Take a deep breath, 'this too shall pass,' and you will be drowned in happiness and peace soon. Sometimes, it might help to read books and magazines, listen to Beethoven/Mozart, watch a candli flicker, take a walk when city sleeps, just disconnect from all bad thoughts.
PEACE AND LOVE TO YOU!

Pretty Woman said...

hey revathi!
'iduvum kadanthu pogum'....I love to hear this phrase! thank you for your good wishes...i am trying....but I have my moments!!!

Ritu said...

Hi

Your profile days "Cheery optimist" and for the brief span of time I have known you, you have lived up to it....

Everyone has their days and I completely understand that there may be days when it does not seem like all is going well...or perhaps, its going so well that its bound to go wrong somewhere...rt?

I think that the strength to overcome your negative thoughts comes from within...comes from conditioning your mind to be positive and upbeat.

Read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Its perhaps the only book I have read in recent times that made sense to me and changed the way I "think".

Pretty Woman said...

hey ritu!
thanks...i know what you mean...I just had to write it down, something like a reminder to shake me up!:) with friends like you, do I have a reason to be sad for long? hugs*

Lizzie Borden said...

sweetness... Don't ever let yourself think that you have been scarred for life, I mean new skin always grows over old wounds, thats the key word you may not be the same you but a new you and you need to understand that new you, to feel better. Stop looking for the old Janani, because there is a new person there...
I'm sorry if I sound like a weird shrink but this is how I feel about life altering events, they change you in some basic way... and you need to become aware of that change before its too late...
Take care of you and much love and hugs...
Shruthi

Pretty Woman said...

hey lizzie borden!
all that you say is so true and I totally agree with you...I guess I just need some push to wake me up from all negativity and stay positive....I am blessed in many ways and its important to feel happy about that...thank you so much for your encouraging words...I promise to be good!! :)