Click here to read the first post ( first month!)
Click here to read the second post ( second month!)
Click here to read the third post ( third month!)
Click here to read the fourth post ( fourth month!)
Click here to read the fifth post ( fifth month!) - my brother pens his thoughts here.
Click here to read the sixth post ( sixth month)
I am absolutely baffled at how a loving, breathing person who's always been there, who has been a constant presence in my life since I was born, always there when I need just about anything and everything... Poof! disappears! ....He is only in my memories. When I close my eyes and try to visualize Appa, if its not as clear in my head as it is in my heart, I am in panic!!! How is that possible? Sometimes, I can't help wonder if he will come outside from his room, when i visit Madras ( when it is possible to travel, of course!). Possibly all this may seem like a bad dream...Alas...anyway, let me refocus on all the happy memories of Appa that I began to share...
I remember this long conversation with Appa on the beach about what sort of guy I prefer or would like to marry.( i grew up living very close to the beach, lucky me!). I also told him I want to work for a couple of years at least before I get married. He agreed and said it takes time to find the right guy and family.
If my memory serves right, there was a prospective guy who was a professional classical musician, I think."I don't want to marry a musician, I will end up sitting behind him playing the tampura" - I said. I definitely did'nt want to marry a doctor either. I felt he would only discuss about surgeries, illnesses and such depressing topics. Appa laughed at my naivety; he explained its not that simple. Finally, all I said was that the guy should be very tall. ( I am tall for an indian woman). At that time, I had no idea and didn't really give it a serious thought. I always say I grew up only after I got married while S was all grown up already! :P
By current standards, I got married pretty early. I met S when I was 22 and was a married woman by 23! My parents introduced me to S and boy! am i glad they did? (Prima facie, before he met him, Appa was hesitant; he felt a C.A ( Chartered Accountant) would be very boring for his efferverscent daughter while Amma was glad he was really tall and well-built for her broad-shouldered, tall daughter) and we met eventually. After he got to know him and thanks to his amazing intuition and divine intervention ( for sure!), Appa was very confident that he would be the perfect match for me. S is the first guy and only guy I ever met! (It feels like a different lifetime altogether now!).
I would like to keep a few things personal but without delving too much into detail, I can safely, confidently and (am very blessed) to say he is the best thing that ever happened to me. I owe it all to my parents, both Appa and Amma (and S's parents)! They truly love him as his own son and the love and affection is mutual. Touchwood. I doubt that I could have chosen a more perfect life partner than S, even if I had chosen someone myself! He is a lot more than just being very tall :-). I will leave it at that. I remember constantly thanking Appa and Amma for bringing S into my life.
I vividly remember being a newly-married girl and calling my folks and bawling over the phone, when i got back from work that " I am so hungry, there's nothing to eat!!!" LOL.. Depending on who picks up the phone, they would calmly ask me to drink a glass of milk or ask me to be more prepared before I leave for work. Being married and doing everything on your own suddenly, is not easy on you or the guy. Of course, over time both of us learnt to build our life together - organizing groceries, commute, home, travel, families - it is always work in progress even now.
In 2006 - 2007, when we moved to Pune, I worked for a Telecommunications company and as I walked back home or would wait for S to pick me up, sometimes, I used to have long chats with Amma/Appa. For one of Appa's birthdays, I wrote him a long, heartfelt letter. I was pleasantly surprised to see that he had kept the letter very safely even after many years. He said, " It's a lovely letter, well articulated and I can see you have understood every member of our family well.You are so good at expressing your feelings."
I am so glad I wrote him that letter, expressing all my happiness, good feelings and gratitude I truly felt. It's a big deal for me coz Appa is not too expressive and appears very detached. But he loves each one of us in his own way. People who know him understand that and cherish him anyway.
My parents were very protective of me; Appa or Anna ( I used to call him Anna as a kid) would always pick up/drop me to classes. Due to a lot of eve-teasing in buses, he got me a Kinetic Honda when I began working. But if i was not home by the usual time I did, within 5 minutues - he would be in the balcony waiting. In the next 10 minutes, the gate...mind you, these were times when there were no mobile phones. I would always call and inform if i was going to be late. They were always on guard.
Whenever I asked them something, to move somewhere to study, work in a different city, even to cut my hair - their constant reply was " Get married, and then do whatever you want"!!! I was exasperated with that answer.
I remember my friends, especially boys being terrified of coming home coz they were afraid of Appa. He appeared strict but was quite friendly once you get to know him. I would literally drag people home. Some of my friends and my brother's are pretty close to Appa, they chat with him over the phone independantly as well - there are times he is more in touch with my friends than we are!
This is a funny incident I relate to everyone. S and I, were engaged (for almost a year) before we got married. We were in different cities, we would chat online after dinner. This was at a time when you dial with the modem to connect to the internet and your phone line is busy at the same time. Our computer-modem setup was in the guest room which is outside the main home, it is an extension but within the same premises. You can easily see that I am in the room if you are in the living room.
So almost every day or maybe alternate days, I would logon to a video chat with S, in the guest room after dinner. Appa would religiously wait in the living room until I finish chatting. He was scared that it was late in the night and it would be unsafe to leave me alone, when I was indoors in the same house!!! He would be dozing off, sitting right there!!! When I asked him why he troubles himself so much when he can sleep, he would say what if someone takes you away when noone is there, so I want to be here for you. You talk as much as you want - I will be right here for you. Appa, you were always there for me and I still feel like you are always here for me.
I get all that my parents did for me much more when I became a parent. They are so giving, selfless and their all-encompassing love is more evident now when i have a child.
