While at the gym!

I am one of those unlucky ones, who just needs to look at food, I'll put on weight. I am also "blessed" with hormonal imbalances and slow metabolism. So I try to live an active and healthy lifestyle; working out at the gym is my persistent attempt to persevere and stay healthy. 

I head to the gym, equipped with good music, comfortable workout clothes and my kindle too! Often, I choose my choice of "repetitive torture" and invariably end up watching people. You come across such a variety of entertaining people that these tools are often forgotten! Let's get this out of the way, yes! it's great all these people ( yours-truly included) make an effort to stay fit and prioritize some time at the gym in the middle of a busy day! These are just light-hearted observations of people, you don't need to get offended...if you do, please feel free to click on the X button at the top-right corner! 

1. The Rabid Runners
They are perennially on the treadmill running so fast; at such high intensity that the room is filled with the rattling noise. They are sweating it out in buckets, literally! I look at them in exasperation while torturing myself on the elliptical and wondering when I will ever reach those levels of stamina.

2. The Pinterest Pupil
...and then there are those who constantly look at their mobiles to follow a certain sequence of workouts. I take a peek (while humbly picking up a 1 or 2 kg dumbbell) at the super-fit-chick's mobile, who does handstands, burpees, lifts, squats and what-not...and realize that the virtual instructor is Pinterest! ....aah, the many advantages of the world-wide-web, eh?

3. The Spirited Sanitizers
...I am very amused at these people. Before they begin working out, they will obsessively sanitize every equipment religiously - the screen, the handles etc. While I understand that it is good hygiene and is also common courtesy to keep it clean for the next person, it is highly entertaining to see how paranoid people can get, in a place where you expect people to sweat-it-out! To me, it is over-sanitized! 

4. The Passionate Fashionate
....always seen in the most trendy and hip athletic wear, better known as athleisure wear in recent times. Their workout clothes are a perfect fit; extremely flattering and provides "inspiration" to commoners like me. The legs have transparent panels, the sports bras are in trending,neon colours screaming for your attention or they already have flat, toned abs in those leggings that you feel like they probably live at the gym!

Sometimes, there are some really skimpily dressed men in tiny shorts and singlets that make me squirm. Irrespective of the weather, their clothes are uncomfortably short. In addition, they will direct the fan towards them when the air conditioner is full on blowing cold air. Go figure!

5. The Music Mavens
...I can relate to this group a lot! I can't survive working out without good music. I have "inspiring tracks" to keep me going or some moving melodies to relax me, at times. I go into panic mode if the phone charge is low and I am unsure if it will last until I finish my workout time. I am also someone who will stop working out in the middle to change tracks or ensure my headphones are in place, before I do anything else. The headphones and phone are of prime importance to go to the gym. I have observed a few others who are in tandem with me. 

6. The Manic Multitaskers
...those who try to squeeze in as many tasks as possible while walking on the treadmill or puffing away at high speed on the elliptical. I have noticed many people catch up on calls ( I am guilty of doing that too!), check e-mails, messages, whatsapp ( of course!), watch videos on Youtube and even read books. 

If you fall into any of these categories, don't take yourself too seriously. Go ahead and have a hearty laugh!

Personality Update!

As I read through my recent posts, I realize they are all about Baby Girl, her yearly updates or our amusing conversations, her antics and so on and so forth....so I can remember these details for posterity! As evident as it can be, my life, heart and mind is filled with thoughts of her, she is truly my life. 

I have changed so much as a person since I became a mother! You can often hear S commenting to BabyGirl that your mother has become so serious now, and add that " she was so wild, impulsive and really silly". My immediate response to that is that i can't impart discipline if I am not disciplined or serious myself! Interestingly, as I sit here, unable to sleep, introspecting how I have evolved over time, I am a changed person indeed. I worry a lot more, am really paranoid about everyone's health or safety, and often have sleepless nights over the tiniest details. Earlier, i would just sleep and not worry about anything and be carefree...not a good change, I know! But it is what it is...

I am blessed with wonderful parents and I have an amazing relationship with them. It has taken me so long to understand that its not a given. There are so many others who do not have the luxury of unconditional love like I do. I would always seek attention, want something especially emotional support from them all the time. Recently, I have begun to finally understand that they are getting old. I should be the one offering at least emotional support if not physical support. I am always missing them physically and long to touch them everyday. EVERYDAY. There's always something that reminds me of Amma or Appa. That will NEVER change either. That's how it should be. As time passes by, I have lost so many loved ones and the first thing that always comes to my mind is that the biggest disservice that you can do to a loved soul is to forget them. Always keep them alive in your happy memories. I always remember you and the good times, Balaram mama...

On the professional front, I have started yet again, from scratch in Hong Kong. I am working independently here, I am my own boss. I can't say i have reached my goal but i will get there, slow and steady. I have never been someone who gives up easily. thankfully, that has NOT changed. I juggle many hats with absolutely no help here and honestly, that's the way I like it too. It makes me feel accomplished, self-reliant and totally busy through the week. I like a routine to my days, not the kind of person who likes it to be a "weekend kinda day" everyday, for sure.

Life teaches you a lot of lessons along the way and you learn to appreciate, acknowledge and embrace both big and small blessings in your life. I have come a long way in that sense. I do not take any relationship, situation or possession for granted, especially considering all that I have today was a dream of yesterday. I have learnt it the hard way that these dreams do not come true for everyone. Its important to be thankful for everything you have, and also for everything you do not have. There is a reason for it, you don't know it YET.

Being Amma's daughter!

"Will you feed me? Please, Amma?" she asks me gingerly, with the most beautiful smile, an almost impish smile...knowing my answer already. My all-knowing baby girl who is 4 already! 

I reprimand myself for being such a pushover and eagerly feeding her, just happy to know that she is eating healthy, nutritious meals or that she is even trying new things that I have hidden inside the food she loves to eat. I want her to be independent, enforce discipline and all the blah you read across various platforms about "parenting rules" while fully being aware of the fact that how long will she ask me to feed her? 

It's a different thing that I long for Amma to feed me, a fully grown woman and a responsible mother( this lovely child in my care) now...I remember vividly even now, Amma rushing to work all dressed in a smart and crisp cotton saree or gorgettes 
( depending on her mood or that time of the month) having a proper lunch at breakfast time to last for a long working day....steaming hot rice mixed with ghee, rasam or sambar and I could just not resist a couple of mouthfuls from her plate, with only her hands. Those handfuls were the most delicious food I ever tasted...even if I ate the same food properly on my own plate, with absolutely no interest later. It did not have the same flavour my Amma's hands could add to it. I can taste that morsel of food in my mouth, even now. Contentment. Happiness. Cherished Love...I feel so lucky and blessed and I truly want to pass on the same kind of love and contentment to my Baby Girl. There are sick days when I would give anything for that warm food only from Amma :-)

Life comes full circle, isn't it? I remember that Amma would often tell me " iru, iru ...unna madiriye unakku oru ponnu porakkum...appo theriyum onakku" which roughly translates to " Wait, wait...you will also have a daughter just like you! then...you will know"!!! Little did I know that my Baby Girl would be at least a 100X more exasperating than I was! Growing up, like everyone else, I sort of had a phase when I hated my mother for being so strict, or wanting to know every little detail about me or not allowing me to do something. But now I appreciate her for being my mother in the truest sense! She would often tell me that even if you hate me, I am doing it for your own good. Thank god she did...I turned out so well. LOL! Being a parent is definitely not easy. It's a really tough hat to adorn - I had no idea until I became one! When you are solely responsible for another human being's mental and physical well being - you want to doubly make sure you do it right, every single moment of it. 

I live away from my parents and nowadays I am always thinking of them. I feel like I am missing spending time with them physically but my life is here. I know it's part of life and everyone goes through it. But that does not make it any easier especially on some days. Sigh.

Revel in your blessings

I have recently begun to acknowledge the fact that ( I can only speak for myself) I have been so busy wanting to reach somewhere or achieve something that I forget that I have so many things and people in my life that I could only ever dream of , at one point of time earlier. I have become less thankful for all that i have and i really needed to write down the things I could only dream of, to make me realize how blessed I am.

I can safely say that there is a certain "tehraav" in my mind now, a certain stability. I am practicing yoga and sub-consciously it has brought so many changes in my life. I have begun to accept things as they are, learnt to move away from negativity and most importantly, make healthy choices - in all aspects - food, people, attitude. It is obviously gradual but it astonishes me as I honestly never made a conscious decision to do that. It just happened organically.

It feels like yesterday when I would lie in bed and visualize this beautiful baby in my arms, her baby breath on my cheeks, caressing the soft skin on her cheek...and Baby Girl is 3.5 years already! I remember vividly how I kept asking S ..." is she really mine?" repeatedly when I gave birth to her and they instantly placed her on my chest. It all feels like a beautiful dream except it came true and this gorgeous god-like child is in my life - very loving, calming at times, extremely intelligent, very very active,...she is so full of wonderful surprises....she amazes me and has in fact, changed me radically! I would not have in any other way....she will always be THE one thing that I will always be proud of, whatever happens in my lifetime. I can never thank you enough God, for giving her to us.
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Just this other day I had this conversation with Baby Girl, at the changing table :

I am changing her for school after her bath and maybe i looked upset or sad ( i was thinking about something ...)

Baby Girl: amma, why are you sad, amma?

Me: arre...no, i am not sad baby!

Baby Girl: no amma...you are sad .. you are not smiling like you always do...

Me: i smiled ....

She hugs me , smoothens my hair , cups my face in her hands and says " i will buy you a big toy...a big doll house ? Then you will be happy na???

I was stumped and my eyes welled up with tears of joy at her display of empathy and kindness !
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I have always been a very happy-go-lucky, wild and crazy sort of person. That is basically who I am...but recently, life, being a mother (responsible for another being maybe?), bigger responsibilities have made me more serious, quieter and more philosophical.

As this change is such a contrast to who I am, S tells me often that I so miss your former child-like self.

Until he told me I had no idea that the change in me was that visible! When Baby Girl and I are alone, I become a child again. We laugh, play crazy, do wacky things together - I see a sparkle in her eyes to see her mother being a child again. Ah, the joy a child can bring when the child wants to! :P
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Randomness...

I was clearing some things away in the cupboard and found my old dairy I used to keep as a teen. It was divided into sections - syllabus written down, lyrics of my favorite songs, self-motivating letters to myself ( yup, you read that right!), dress designs. ( ...and a little footnote that reads designs by pretty woman, my real name there). 

Cut to present, I am designing clothes for The Little People ( click on the blue text to go to the Facebook Page). I had no idea then that I would really get round to doing it really. When we first started out, we began with little girls and slowly realized that little boys don't really have something quirky or different and unique specially designed for them. So we began designing for boys too and we are totally loving it.

Now, I look at interesting objects or things that would fascinate a child and wonder how to incorporate it in a design! I must admit I am obsessed with TLP. Recently, we went on a vacation to Srilanka. We went to this street market and I spotted a guy on the road selling a wide variety of gorgeous, eclectic mix of buttons. I was so thrilled and grabbed them. They are always on my mind! 
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Baby Girl has a daily ritual when she gets back from school. I pack some snacks for her as she takes the bus to nursery and she may get hungry in transit. On most days, she will come home and eat it. She will get changed, create her own little world - replete with a glass of water, her snack in the tiffin box (only! dare you give her a cup!) look outside the balcony and really, be contemplative and quiet - Amma HAS to be in the background while she dreams. I love this side of her too. 

As a child, I remember insisting that my Amma should pack my lunch in the tiffin box only. So my mother used to "pack" my lunch in a box even when Saturday was a holiday and I had no school!!!! Amma's girl she is, eh?
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I love my life. It is better than I ever imagined it to be. How blessed am I? I have everything in my life, I always ever dreamed of, and in a place I wanted to be.
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Baby Girl is officially a toddler!

Time flies by not only while you are having fun...also when your baby girl is growing up at lightning speed and you wish you could freeze time! Nowadays, you will probably often catch me either engrossed looking dreamily at a beautiful luminous chubby little baby face or watching a video of Baby Girl creating havoc as a baby! 

I know it sounds cliched but she will be my biggest achievement whatever I do in life. She is such a dream come true, that when she arrived on earth and they gave her to me....I repeatedly asked " is she really mine?"!! 

I often describe her as an "energizer bunny" when friends or family ask me about her. She really is on the go from the minute she wakes up in the morning until it's time to snooze - that too is a big battle to make her sleep. 

Even as a little baby, she would never wake up crying...she would always wake up smiling, with a hint of mischief on her lips and to this date, she is like that. In fact, she will bring along her bottle of milk, any toy she has been playing with and ride the cycle and come to me for a cuddle or hug! I cherish those moments...a very loving child, always happy...she makes life so beautiful.

An angel with horns, always ready for mischief and never lets me sit down for a minute. I owe my slimmer self to her coz I always running around with her or behind her and if not cleaning up all the mess she is busy making all the time! Having said that, I would never have it any other way. I have always dreamt of an active child who is relentless, not some quiet child sitting doing nothing. You should be careful about what you dream of, eh?

She loves me no matter what, and that kind of unconditional love makes you realize how blessed your life is! Even if i discipline her or scold her, she will be upset with the next person that is present there...never me! While she readily apologizes when she wants me to cuddle her...she can be as adamant as a mule when she is not ready to! ...a very feisty personality, that girl! 

A brilliant child - she knows all the numbers, rhymes and can even recognize difficult shapes and she is not yet 3! She has such a quick grasp, will observe how you do something once, and master it the next minute. This smart young girl is going places, I tell you. 

My darling girl, 

It's your birthday today and we will be celebrating in Srilanka this year. Amma and Appa asked you, if you would prefer to cut a birthday cake and celebrate here or would you rather go on a plane to someplace? You clearly answered "Go on the plane" very firmly even when we repeatedly questioned you over and over. We are so glad you love travelling just like we do coz last year when you turned two, we celebrated in the Andamans. You just had a blast in the beach and ventured into the ocean with no fear absolutely like you belonged there.

You are a beautiful girl with the most gorgeous face, no doubt. However, we hope and pray you grow up thinking you are more than just your looks. We will ensure and try to imbibe good qualities like humility, kindness, empathy and most importantly, feel free and proud to be yourself, not mould yourself into something just to be accepted. (I have always felt strongly about these things, especially when it's my own little girl!)

May God bless you, my darling, my sweetheart, my happiness...and our very life...with all the love, happiness, good health, success and all that you dream of. May you always be surrounded by people who love you and care about you. May you grow up into a confident and good human being....everything else will follow suit.

Loads of love, hugs and Kisses,

Amma and Appa

Our own little world!

My whole world has changed since Baby Girl arrived, in a good way! ....and I can never say it enough! 

I took a break from work after baby girl as I wanted to see her grow up and enjoy the nascent phase with her. I did it for myself, i wanted to be right there, for all her milestones and totally enjoy being with her. I know that she will not be a little girl again! 
Of course, she clings to me naturally, like everyone of us who want their mother all the time! I still do...

Since we returned to India, S's job requires that he travel ever so often. As a result, its just us on weekdays ( thankfully, he is back on weekends, and insists that its a temporary thing!). So we have our little routine everyday, our playtime, our "rituals" and I am so busy playing with her or learning to deal with her tantrums( oh yeah!) that there is no time to think about anything or anyone but Baby GIrl! We are in our little world entwined, engrossed and totally content with each other. 


I have visually imagined this scenario in my mind, a million times. I see her peacefully sleep and as I watch her profile, I remember breaking my head wondering how she would look, while anxiously looking at her scans in the lab during my pregnancy days. But nothing matches the miracle or the reality that she is! She is an angel, a million rays of sunshine who drives me nuts sometimes! :P

Being a mother has enriched me in so many more ways than I could have ever imagined! Right now, I am happy in my own little world, after all I have an angel for company! My little cherub! 

...Leaving Paris with a contented heart!

...Oh Boy! Little did I know, back in 2009, when we arrived in Paris, that it would be a life-changing experience on so many levels - apart from the gorgeous view of the Eiffel Tower from our living room of course! ;-) We arrived in Paris in Winter and I experienced hail and snow all at once...and while it felt super romantic at first, I am not a fan of winter anymore! :) I am a sunshine girl, I need all the warmth, literally too! The flip side being the fashionable winter coats and boots, for sure! :D

Paris will forever be special for me (not only because it is a romantic, beautiful city) coz Baby Girl was born here! She is our biggest blessing and God chose to give her to us in Paris! :-) The health care system in France is amazing and they took care of me and my precious child at every point and made sure she was healthy, happy and beautiful and gave her safely in our hands...I am ever grateful for that. They also ensure that the mother is well taken care of, and is able to spring back to good health. Serendipity??!!


I must admit, it was a quite a challenge communicating with the doctors and hospitals due to my limited linguistic abilities a.k.a French!

France is often known as the "land of cheese and wine" and it truly is....while I didn't really acquire a taste for cheese or wine, I did acquire the nation's obsession with fitness and exercise! In these 4 years in Paris, both S and I are a lot fitter and healthier - when you see people jogging at noon or even at 10 at night, we had to take it seriously too! I exercised throughout my pregnancy, even til before I was going into labour - and it made the entire process so much faster and easier...I will ensure that it continues even after we go back to India, the elliptical at home, for sure is an investment!

We have traveled to some absolutely gorgeous countries in Europe (I can't believe we have been to 16 countries so far!). S had told me long back that I should take him on a Europe trip on our 10th anniversary! I made it all come true even before that! :P
Jokes apart, we are truly blessed to be able to travel to so many beautiful places and the beauty is etched in our memories forever...we both love travelling and living in Paris gave us the access and comfort level to plan ahead and have a good time! ...and we had a lovely vacation ever so often, whenever we could get away...

I have acquired a few "forever friends" with whom I had fun times - learning new things, sharing our different cultures, thoughts, aspirations and I have felt as loved and understood as I would, with some of my best friends! Our different backgrounds didn't really matter - deep down, we all value the same things and seem to have the same common problems! We may be across different parts of the world - but I am sure we will stay in touch and visit each other often ( hopefully! - Catrin, if you are reading this, this is specifically directed at YOU!)

On a more serious note, I think I have also matured in my thought process - I have learnt to accept people as they are - I tend to judge someone instantly, I don't do that anymore! I have learnt that its unwise to judge someone unless you have experienced it yourself! 
When you live alone, especially abroad in a country where the language and people are alien....I have realized and feel grateful for all the love, family, support I have - both physically and emotionally - never take anything or anyone for granted! 

All said and done, "home is where the heart is..." and I am excited about moving back to India too and can't wait to take Baby Girl to meet all my friends and family, and we will all live happily together wherever we are - she will go to her own home and her own room - ALREADY! She receives a lot of love and affection across the globe, and she is truly a blessed soul in that sense :-)

Thinking aloud...

When I created this blog, I did'nt really think or intend for a lot of people to read it, just thought of it as an online journal and hence the inane title and screen-name...I did'nt give it too much thought. Interestingly, friends who read my blog nowadays seem to refer to me as 'prettywoman' and it brings a smile on my face! :)

Some time back, I saw an interview of the gorgeous Actress Goldie Hawn, she has a certain child-like enthusiasm in her that is adorable. She said that when her mother died....80% in her did too....She said " I thought to myself - who would I want to make proud now? ". That is EXACTLY how I feel about my parents - both Amma and Appa. Fortunately, my parents are here with me and by God's grace and blessings, I hope they will be with me for a long time to come....But I think of them every single day in every little thing I do...and rush to call Amma to give her all the little tiny details of my life with as much description as possible.

I think I am still their 'little girl' - I know that's how it is from every parent's eyes! In my case, I'd rather remain that and not grow up! I still revel in their pride and feel deliriously happy when I make them proud, especially when they tell me so often that I do! :) Noone else's opinion matters as much!

Off late, I have heard of so many young people who have died suddenly, 21, 23 and 30 years old - an accident, a sudden illness and I can't stop thinking about how unfulfilled souls they would be...their unrealised dreams, love, places they have never been to, unfulfilled desires...I find it difficult to explain the anguish I feel for them...often, people console you that they are in a better place...but I fervently wish God had given them more time!

One of them was a friend who would talk to me very often about her personal life and she also told me that she would have noone to talk to, as I was relocating to a different city. We tried to remain in touch through the distance and she had been through a difficult relationship, divorced and was really looking forward to love, a new life...new beginnings....it haunts me that she did'nt live long enough to enjoy the good things in life...she did not live life fully...I wonder what went through her mind...

Once, I read on someone's wall on facebook that " Never tell your problems to anyone ...20% don't really care and the other 80% are really glad you have them". I personally think that its a very cynical way of looking at it and fact remains that nobody can really solve your problems. I don't want to be cynical or bitter, I would like to believe that there is goodness in everyone. If the problems are within your control, try to solve them and if they are out of your control, I normally pray to God. That's all I can do and I strongly believe he knows what is best for us...have to admit that its difficult to remain optimistic and cheerful ALL the time...I do have my days! :) But I jump back to action pretty soon...I don't stay sad for too long, simply because it takes little things to make me happy :) and Of course, I have a fantastic support system. Amma's positive words and vibrant nature always makes me feel much better and I feel hopeful.

Many of my friends feel comfortable enough with me to share their very personal things or problems and I am glad that I can be someone they can trust...for a long time, I would always ruminate and try to think of a solution to their problem...then I realized that when I go talk to S or Amma about something that troublles me, do I expect a solution? I don't , I just want to vent...that's all. So I got my answer. I am very well aware that we all have to fight our individual battles but its easier when you have someone who is a good moral support and is generally optimistic about everything...the positive energy is infectious and renews hope in you.

A friend in college once told me that she feels that I am like water in a jug! Apparently, I adapt myself to my surroundings and people as water does to the jug or any container that holds it! Being a piscean, I do love water - be it the beach or tears! Both S and my brother make fun of me...especially if we are watching an emotional scene or a sad movie...coz I am always in tears!!

Last but not the least thought in my mind...is that if someone looks me up and down on the street or when I am out...the first thing that crosses my mind is " Damn! Are my pants unzipped?" and I check! :D

What are YOU thinking about?

I wish...But...

I wish I were perfect
But there is no perfection in the real world

I wish everyone liked me
But I can't please everyone

I wish I were not judged for all my actions
But you are entitled to your opinion?

I wish I could live life on my own terms
But who is stopping me?

I wish I could hold on to everything and everyone I love
But nothing is permanent in life

I wish I knew the purpose of my life
But life is all about the journey, not the destination

I wish I were always happy

But would I value it as much?

Why do we want it all?

I am all for woman empowerment, rather equalit of the sexes. I am not one of those 'women' who thinks that I am superior to men at all. I would just like to be considered an equal in all respects irrespective of my gender which is often the case in point. But off late, I feel women are inflicting torture upon themselves in wanting to be a 'superwoman' who not only cooks, cleans, personally takes care of her child's needs but also has a flourishing career and a fantastic figure to boast of! The best part of this is that nobody forces her to excel at everything, its a self-inflicted expectation.

Our mothers and grandmothers were so much healthier, happier and most importantly, more relaxed. We are always working hard to prove a point to everyone else (that includes me!) and in the process often choose to ignore our own voices or desires. We never seem to think about what we really want or go after it with enough conviction.Sometime back, I made a conscious decision to not get bogged down by what others think of me. It was not an instant change, but gradually I learnt to take everything with a pinch of salt - both compliments and negativity. I must say it has immensely lightened and enlightened my mind. One step at a time.

Now, my personal objective is to be positive about anything and everything. Surround yourself with happy thoughts and positive people and automatically you will attract all good things in life. I try not to say anything negative or feel negative about anyone or anything which is pretty difficult considering I am human! :) But I am trying... I have a very bad quality, I am very judgemental and judge people very quickly. That is also something I must 'undo'...for example, I used to hate people who smoke, I always thought that having such a nasty habit reflects on their character too. Now, I look at it as a bad habit they must get rid of. PERIOD. It does not make them a bad person. Of course, my judgemental self looks at smoking as a complete lack of self control. I strongly believe that nothing should have control over your senses - be it smoking or any habit! Period. Its all in your mind. Anyway, I digress...

Earlier, I would have pestered the smoking friend to quit or explained how toxic it is and how it affects your system and so on and so forth. Now, I don't say anything unless I am close or comfortable enough to take that liberty! S/he is well aware of how smoking affects them and is making an informed decision when they decided to smoke. Certain things in life are learnt only the hard way round and it applies to me as well. I have had to unlearn a lot of things only through experience, I didn't accept it when it was good advice from my folks! :) Well, at least its not too late! ( No, I don't smoke, am referring to different things!) :)

I agree life is not easy. At the same time, life is beautiful depending on how you want to look at it and what you consciously decide to focus on! Do you know just about ANYONE whose life is perfect or someone who has no problems at all? I want to be a good person, who is happy and cheerful and I would like to spread happiness and cheer in whatever way I can! These are things I have control over. You will never understand how you will yearn for something when its taken away from you...so savour every moment, every day and all the love you get! Be loving and smile as much as you can! I AM! :)

My forecast today!!

I loved it...it had so much meaning in it...I am putting it up here for me to read and motivate myself when I am feeling low and for others if it will help!

Every day is a fresh new life, a fresh new start, and a fresh new chance. Don't get upset or angry by past events, and try not to dwell on things that you cannot change. Your whole life can turn around in a day, so feel free to start every morning with a positive outlook. As you wash your face in the morning, think of it as a baptism. Clean off the debris from yesterday, while welcoming the freshness of today.

Love makes this world go round!

As I get to know people and make friends from different countries...religions...cultures...lifestyles...here in Paris, I realize that we are worlds apart yet similar in some really basic sense! As we discuss our lives, love, upbringing and views about people and life, it seems like we are not so different. There is an underlying common thread that binds us - we all ultimately want the same things, you know - Love and Happiness!

As their( people from other countries/cultures) lives unfold, it all drives down to simple wants - LOVE, to remain in love and to be loved in return and happiness forever! The words seem so simple as I type, but seems like a huge struggle in some people's lives. I guess everyone is not lucky in love. As I listen to my friend's woes and all the hurt and resentment that has ruined her life, I fervently hope the inimitable love is waiting round the corner, and she can feel the snuggly warmth that I experience!

At the same time, a shiver runs through me, and I send a silent prayer for all the love and happiness I am blessed with. I can't feel anything but gratitude. I think maybe I have done atleast something right? ;-) Often, when I enjoy something or feel happy about something, for that matter anything remotely positive or good news, I just can't wait to tell S ( I am counting the minutes to see or talk to him). Now that I have him, I can't imagine what I did before him? I used to give a verbatim account to my Maa. I still do, with elaborate details :-). Come to think of it, I am glad I have someone who shares my enthusiasm and happiness. Of course, these epiphanies happen only once in a while. Most times, I am greedy and want EVERYTHING! :-)

I guess, that's when God says, my dear child, 'Have Patience, I will fulfill all your desires at the right time'. When I feel its the RIGHT time :-). So I am learning to be patient. ( Damn, its difficult sometimes)

For once, let me try to think beyond myself and I say a lil prayer for you my friend, I hope you find warm fuzzy love and happiness in abundance, that will keep your spirits up, when you have your lows! ( Life is full of highs and lows, we all know that! Nothing is constant!)

Moving on to greener pastures...

Literally!!...(don't get it all wrong!)..I mean, my love for gardening!! :P

As a kid, I remember, my brother and I, had few household chores to do, and I would water the plants sometimes. I would often watch my mom toil for hours in the balcony ( we had a few plants on our balcony coz we stayed in a spacious apartment, my parents still do) digging, watering, manure...the works! I would often wonder what does she see in these plants? When there are so many people here, wanting her attention ( which basically meant her daughter!), why does she spend so much time with these plants? We would often have tomatoes, bitter gourd and other home-grown vegetables in our rasam or curry. Amma would be so excited that it is something she had grown. Now, I understand that feeling! I had written this (click on 'this' to read that post) when we had strawberries at home, when we just arrived in Pune. We brought saplings from Mahabaleshwar and when we had cut strawberries with our cereal or muesli, I had a feeling of deja vu!

I didn't realize then that as a working mom, she had so many things to do! For that matter, I didn't understand that she would need to do something for herself, that gives her happiness...other than the kids, home, husband, work and million other things.

Now, I can't imagine how people can't realize beautiful plants are....or how lovely it is to see a plant grow or a flower bloom. Often, the first thing I do, once I get up from bed, is to see if the seed that I have been watering regularly, has sprouted? half a centimeter more? a new bud? some new petals? I get really excited and drag S from the bathroom while he is brushing groggy-eyed . I ask him to figure out what is the change?...And he is clueless!!! I want him to share the same joy and excitement I feel...

I am totally in love with gardening and I have started working on my breakfast table in the balcony adjoining the bedroom. With spring in full bloom, there are lovely flowers and little saplings available everywhere in the market. ( will post pics soon when it is ready!)

Everytime, S and I go to the market, we come back with plants. S groans and runs in the opposite direction! Another addition to my obsession for cushion covers, clothes and wind chimes!!!

I am amused!

...as I flick through the pages of a Fashion Magazine ( only English magazine I could find!), I see this!

Pic Courtesy: www.elle.com

...I have seen a few women sport these pants in Paris, and often wondered what the hell can it be? I was really amused to find out that they are called 'Dhoti Pants' and of course, they do look like Dhoti!

*For the uninitiated, Dhoti is a long unstitched cloth wound around the lower body, passed between the legs and tucked into the waist, especially in the rural parts of India.

You can rarely see anyone in Dhotis in urban India. Its so great that the Dhoti has travelled so far....from rural India to HI-FASHION!!!!

I am proud to be an Indian!

...Snatches of conversations in Paris... S and I stroll across the open-air market in Odeon and as we are window-shopping, we found a shop that sold ties. Its an interesting package in a cute box that opens up to hold, a tie, cuff-links and a silk scarf or cloth or whatever people wear on their formal suits. S goes to office in formal suits and he often needs lots of ties ( not that I need any excuse to shop!). So we pick one among them...when the owner, a slightly old man...very excitedly...

Old Guy: Are you Indians? ( with a big smile on his face!)

Me: Yes! ( S conveniently leaves the talking to me, as always) ;-)

Old Guy (skeptically) : You are from the real India, not London?

Me: Yes !! ( amused)

He grabs my hand and very excitedly, shows me all the stoles.

He tells me all this is from your country, very beautiful, eh?

Me: I know! :-)

Old Guy: India is such a vast and beautiful country....He says 'Namaste' and folds his hands and bows!!

I am very pleased and we thank him. *******************************************************************************************
I am ravenously hungry as I have not had lunch so I stop by to have Crêpes, on the way back home from my French class. I spent a long time figuring out how to get there and all the tension to reach on time!! Its a really old lady who is making them and I feel sad as her hands shiver as she spreads the batter.( S and I often disagree with this, I feel sad that old people have to work at this age, instead of having a relaxed life while he thinks its good that they are independant and active!)

Crepe Lady: ( in French) So which country are you from?

Me: ( hearing the only word 'country', I get what she asks...) I am from India!

Crepe Lady (very excited and a big smile on her face!): Big country, lots of people....you speak 30 languages?

Me: I smile and say that there are about 26 states in India and each state speaks a different language! Oui! ( Yes!)

Crepe Lady: (speaks in broken English now)...You are very beautiful...all Indians are very beautiful!

Me: Merci Madame...

Crepe Lady: They are very intelligent too! Indians..very intelligent!

Me( amused): smiles...

Crepe Lady: You know Sonia Gandhi, she is from my Italy! Indian man married her...very intelligent!!!

Me: !!!!!!! ( now I know why she thinks we are intelligent)...LOL!

Jokes apart, I was very pleasantly surprised to know that she knows so much about India and is generally aware about other countries as well. I felt very proud. It feels good to hear such things about our country! :-)

Spring is here!

Tulips...

Tulips...

and Tulips....

From Jardin Du Luxembourg ( Luxembourg Gardens) on a relaxed Sunday evening!

I miss...

...the pleasure of meeting people...face-to-face conversations...Yup, that is the only thing I miss now that I work from home here. I have always been interested in watching people, how they behave, how they react to something! Of course, in the process, I tend to get affected as well. I can rarely be detached about something; I find it very difficult to hold my tongue! I always need to say something...I miss that! I have become pretty quiet except for snatches of conversations with few friends I have here, who don't speak English too well, only language i can communicate in, at least as of now! Hopefully, the French classes that start soon help me learn the language well and to make friends too.

I have always worked since graduation. So i feel strongly about doing something all the time. Even when I quit my job in Bangalore to move to Pune, I started learning glass paintings and went on to sell a few pieces..within a month! I think its very important to be yourself, do something on your own. ANYTHING, but you MUST do something! Now that I am in Paris, I can't look for opportunities immedietly coz I need the Carte De Sejour ( residence permit) to look for work or to start working. Expats don't get work easily as employers prefer to employ the natives and fair enough, me thinks! So I am freelancing and sourcing writing/editing projects since the Internet started working. I have done some freelance work on and off even before when I had a regular job, that helps me a lot now! I used to write so that I don't lose touch and it has helped and how!

I am also learning how difficult it can be, to run a business ( I mean, to do your own thing!). I have always thought its a dream come true to be your own boss, so to speak! In a short while, I have interacted with really different clients with absolutely different needs. Some of them don't clearly explain or elaborate their requirements upfront. So I work hard on it and finally I get really frustrated when it goes kaput. On the other hand, there are good ones too who know clearly what they want. It takes 'all kinds' to make up this world. So I am learning too; to never give up, to be patient, to listen and not to take myself too seriously.

The best part of working from home is that I get to listen to some awesome music in the background, I have been hooked on to Advaitha ( Click to listen to their music!)and take a break to chat with my friends online or play a game on Facebook! I am at ease, take long leisurely baths, relax while being able to do something constructive. I can even speak to my parents everyday on Skype! ...and ask for a third-person perspective from friends on my writing, if it needs to be reviewed...What would I do without the Internet? I wonder...

The music, interesting conversations, the work that flows in, on and off...am learning to enjoy this phase too! I start French Lessons for 3 hours/3 days next week!!! I am looking forward to it...

Its all in the mind...

Happiness is a state of mind. Really. Don't you think so? I think it is possible to be happy all the time. I can't believe it that I am saying this...coz i used to think its just that its the right thing to say...but I realize its true!

I am reading this book 'The Secret' as I have been recommended several times by different people and it says 'Our mind picks up frequencies and tunes into that thought, depending on the signal it gets'...and it makes sense too. Sometimes, my past haunts me and I am gripped by fear or uncertainity. It often happens that when you don't want to think about something, that is the first thought that comes up even while you are feeling happy about something. I strongly feel you must make a conscious effort to think positive and focus on the happy things in life, and certainly, you will attract the right things in your life.

For example, the move to Paris...I am definitely excited and happy about moving there, being exotic and romantic locale and all, but I was a lil upset about leaving my job AGAIN and to leave my friends AGAIN and of course, my folks, who I can't visit as often as I would want to...But Amma gave me a different perspective. Look at it this way, you are not tied down by the monotony of living in the same city for years...and you get to see new people, new places and new experiences...for a few years everytime! Who is so blessed like that? And on the flip side, I have made some amazing friends in every city or place I have lived in.

This year, with great difficulty, I must say, I have also detached myself from negative people in my life. I want to stay clear of such people, even at the risk of sounding rude or appearing arrogant. I am aware that optimism or focus on positivity does not happen overnight; but I have made a beginning...sometime back and I must say, it works wonders!

My Ganchu!

I took this picture in a Nature Resort that we stayed in Goa. A Cute Ganesha ( Hindu God) has been carved on a log of wood and was placed in our cottage. I simply loved it...if i could have 'borrowed' it, I would have...difficult coz its too big! So i had to console myself with the picture! :D

P.S - I am just kidding about the 'borrowing' part, of course i would'nt!!