Monday, November 19, 2018

Personality Update!

As I read through my recent posts, I realize they are all about Baby Girl, her yearly updates or our amusing conversations, her antics and so on and so I can remember these details for posterity! As evident as it can be, my life, heart and mind is filled with thoughts of her, she is truly my life. 

I have changed so much as a person since I became a mother! You can often hear S commenting to BabyGirl that your mother has become so serious now, and add that " she was so wild, impulsive and really silly". My immediate response to that is that i can't impart discipline if I am not disciplined or serious myself! Interestingly, as I sit here, unable to sleep, introspecting how I have evolved over time, I am a changed person indeed. I worry a lot more, am really paranoid about everyone's health or safety, and often have sleepless nights over the tiniest details. Earlier, i would just sleep and not worry about anything and be carefree...not a good change, I know! But it is what it is...

I am blessed with wonderful parents and I have an amazing relationship with them. It has taken me so long to understand that its not a given. There are so many others who do not have the luxury of unconditional love like I do. I would always seek attention, want something especially emotional support from them all the time. Recently, I have begun to finally understand that they are getting old. I should be the one offering at least emotional support if not physical support. I am always missing them physically and long to touch them everyday. EVERYDAY. There's always something that reminds me of Amma or Appa. That will NEVER change either. That's how it should be. As time passes by, I have lost so many loved ones and the first thing that always comes to my mind is that the biggest disservice that you can do to a loved soul is to forget them. Always keep them alive in your happy memories. I always remember you and the good times, Balaram mama...

On the professional front, I have started yet again, from scratch in Hong Kong. I am working independently here, I am my own boss. I can't say i have reached my goal but i will get there, slow and steady. I have never been someone who gives up easily. thankfully, that has NOT changed. I juggle many hats with absolutely no help here and honestly, that's the way I like it too. It makes me feel accomplished, self-reliant and totally busy through the week. I like a routine to my days, not the kind of person who likes it to be a "weekend kinda day" everyday, for sure.

Life teaches you a lot of lessons along the way and you learn to appreciate, acknowledge and embrace both big and small blessings in your life. I have come a long way in that sense. I do not take any relationship, situation or possession for granted, especially considering all that I have today was a dream of yesterday. I have learnt it the hard way that these dreams do not come true for everyone. Its important to be thankful for everything you have, and also for everything you do not have. There is a reason for it, you don't know it YET.

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

You are 6 years old!

Dear Aaradhya,
I can't possibly forget that you are turning 6 coz you are always reminding me about it, more specifically, what you want as your birthday gift! A material girl, indeed! It changes quite often ...from "shoes with wheels" to a ukulele ( I had to google it to figure out what it was!) keeps changing almost every other day. Your childish enthusiasm is charming.

You are my biggest strength and weakness...and you already know it. There are times when I feel like my love for you will burst in its seams from my heart and there are times when I am so livid with anger while you are smirking away with the hint of a knowing smile that says "I got you!", eh?

I hear this all the time, from your teachers, my friends who interact with you and people who keenly observe you that you are a very strong individual and very confident, in general. I am very happy and proud that you know your way around, you are independant and you are a self-assured child. At the same time, I am scared that it could also mean you could end up growing up into this arrogant person. I am trying my best to make you understand that it's ok to know what you want but it is more important to be kind and nice to everyone. We have our little tiffs about this once in a while. It's ok. we are both learning from each other.

You are very enthusiastic and interested in multiple things. You have a good sense of rhythm, love music and always want to hear in the background even when you are playing, which we are obviously thrilled about, considering we are obsessed with music ourselves. You have begun formal music lessons in carnatic music this year, i am hoping you develop a keen interest in vocals and start appreciating music more and more.You are quite an "artist" in your own words...our home is filled with loads of sketches, drawings and loving notes from you.

You have acquired our love for travel and get most excited when we plan for a holiday somewhere. We had an amazing summer break at Bali as a family and also went solo with T Chithi to Seoul, Korea. You were mostly good and it was a huge relief to me. I was very pleasantly surprised with your kindness, loving nature and learning to share ( brief flashes!). At 6 years, you have been to Paris ( born there!), Andaman, Srilanka, Thailand, Cambodia, Bali, Korea apart from different cities in India ( Pune, Bangalore, Chennai, Delhi, Amritsar to see the Golden temple)...pretty impressive for a 6 year old, girl! You are truly one lucky child. :)

I have an inhouse "girlfriend" already, who compliments me on my outfits, notices anything new I buy or is the first to notice if i am sad or upset and you try your best to make me laugh. It instantly uplifts my mood and I feel so warm and fuzzy inside. I am already looking back at chubby baby pictures or watching your antics as a 2-3 year old from our old videos and you are my constant companion, who thoroughly enjoys watching herself with glee! Full of self-love, aren't you?

You are everything and much, much more than we ever imagined, aaradhya. We hope and pray good health, happiness and want to see you grow in leaps and bounds. My wish for you is that you are always loved and protected by God. I hope you learn to be more kind, empathetic and always remain good at heart. We will both work on it over the years.
We love you with all our hearts, my munchkin,
Amma & Appa

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

The view from my window

My favorite corner of my home - the reading alcove overlooking the sea...I am transported to a different world with characters who seem to fill all my senses and become one with me in my little world as it exists! ...

I look at this beautiful serene view of the sea and as I see the boats move slowly from a distance...a sense of calm descends over me and I feel very relaxed. I have my "alone time with my books and thoughts" here everyday and it prepares me for anything and everything for the rest of the day. I feel blessed that I have this view and my beautiful family - that's all I ever want - truly.

The lows and ebbs in life make you realize what is most important to you. Of course, I am definitely one of those people who gets introspective and so very philosophical during a low phase. I always think that i should be grateful for all the people, blessings, food, security, travel, partner, child, good health, friends, family, etc. and focus on being positive. Except, when the good times thankfully roll in, i am just busy living my life and forget gratitude - this time round I want to consciously remember that equanimity in state of mind at all times is key to balance in life.

I am also someone who strongly believes "Happiness is a state of mind". If you believe you are happy, you are! The same logic can be applied to anything and everything - both positive and negative thoughts. Always fill your minds with positivity, gratitude, happiness, contentment and your life will be filled with love, light and everything bright. 

As I sit here at the window, typing away - there are these huge ropes that seem to never end. The window cleaning is in progress. To me, they look like "beanstalk" from "Jack and the Beanstalk", my favorite fairy tale. I love the concept that God is so accessible and I can take the "stairway to heaven" as and when I please to pay a visit to Heaven! It brings a smile when I see the dangling ropes and I am not exaggerating when I say they are endless. In Hong kong, due to constraints in space, apartments are all high rise buildings going up to 60 floors! So it is pretty high and you also have a spectacular, magical view of the sea, the boats literally floating makes me smile :)...especially the "beanstalk"!