Monday, November 19, 2018

Personality Update!

As I read through my recent posts, I realize they are all about Baby Girl, her yearly updates or our amusing conversations, her antics and so on and so I can remember these details for posterity! As evident as it can be, my life, heart and mind is filled with thoughts of her, she is truly my life. 

I have changed so much as a person since I became a mother! You can often hear S commenting to BabyGirl that your mother has become so serious now, and add that " she was so wild, impulsive and really silly". My immediate response to that is that i can't impart discipline if I am not disciplined or serious myself! Interestingly, as I sit here, unable to sleep, introspecting how I have evolved over time, I am a changed person indeed. I worry a lot more, am really paranoid about everyone's health or safety, and often have sleepless nights over the tiniest details. Earlier, i would just sleep and not worry about anything and be carefree...not a good change, I know! But it is what it is...

I am blessed with wonderful parents and I have an amazing relationship with them. It has taken me so long to understand that its not a given. There are so many others who do not have the luxury of unconditional love like I do. I would always seek attention, want something especially emotional support from them all the time. Recently, I have begun to finally understand that they are getting old. I should be the one offering at least emotional support if not physical support. I am always missing them physically and long to touch them everyday. EVERYDAY. There's always something that reminds me of Amma or Appa. That will NEVER change either. That's how it should be. As time passes by, I have lost so many loved ones and the first thing that always comes to my mind is that the biggest disservice that you can do to a loved soul is to forget them. Always keep them alive in your happy memories. I always remember you and the good times, Balaram mama...

On the professional front, I have started yet again, from scratch in Hong Kong. I am working independently here, I am my own boss. I can't say i have reached my goal but i will get there, slow and steady. I have never been someone who gives up easily. thankfully, that has NOT changed. I juggle many hats with absolutely no help here and honestly, that's the way I like it too. It makes me feel accomplished, self-reliant and totally busy through the week. I like a routine to my days, not the kind of person who likes it to be a "weekend kinda day" everyday, for sure.

Life teaches you a lot of lessons along the way and you learn to appreciate, acknowledge and embrace both big and small blessings in your life. I have come a long way in that sense. I do not take any relationship, situation or possession for granted, especially considering all that I have today was a dream of yesterday. I have learnt it the hard way that these dreams do not come true for everyone. Its important to be thankful for everything you have, and also for everything you do not have. There is a reason for it, you don't know it YET.