Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Revel in your blessings

I have recently begun to acknowledge the fact that ( I can only speak for myself) I have been so busy wanting to reach somewhere or achieve something that I forget that I have so many things and people in my life that I could only ever dream of , at one point of time earlier. I have become less thankful for all that i have and i really needed to write down the things I could only dream of, to make me realize how blessed I am.

I can safely say that there is a certain "tehraav" in my mind now, a certain stability. I am practicing yoga and sub-consciously it has brought so many changes in my life. I have begun to accept things as they are, learnt to move away from negativity and most importantly, make healthy choices - in all aspects - food, people, attitude. It is obviously gradual but it astonishes me as I honestly never made a conscious decision to do that. It just happened organically.

It feels like yesterday when I would lie in bed and visualize this beautiful baby in my arms, her baby breath on my cheeks, caressing the soft skin on her cheek...and Baby Girl is 3.5 years already! I remember vividly how I kept asking S ..." is she really mine?" repeatedly when I gave birth to her and they instantly placed her on my chest. It all feels like a beautiful dream except it came true and this gorgeous god-like child is in my life - very loving, calming at times, extremely intelligent, very very active,...she is so full of wonderful surprises....she amazes me and has in fact, changed me radically! I would not have in any other way....she will always be THE one thing that I will always be proud of, whatever happens in my lifetime. I can never thank you enough God, for giving her to us.

Just this other day I had this conversation with Baby Girl, at the changing table :

I am changing her for school after her bath and maybe i looked upset or sad ( i was thinking about something ...)

Baby Girl: amma, why are you sad, amma?
Me:, i am not sad baby!
Baby Girl: no are sad .. you are not smiling like you always do...

Me: i smiled ....

She hugs me , smoothens my hair , cups my face in her hands and says " i will buy you a big toy...a big doll house ? Then you will be happy na???
I was stumped and my eyes welled up with tears of joy at her display of empathy and kindness !

I have always been a very happy-go-lucky, wild and crazy sort of person. That is basically who I am...but recently, life, being a mother (responsible for another being maybe?), bigger responsibilities have made me more serious, quieter and more philosophical.

As this change is such a contrast to who I am, S tells me often that I so miss your former child-like self.

Until he told me I had no idea that the change in me was that visible! When Baby Girl and I are alone, I become a child again. We laugh, play crazy, do wacky things together - I see a sparkle in her eyes to see her mother being a child again. Ah, the joy a child can bring when the child wants to! :P