The English language!!

I am very fond of watching the way people behave, their mannerisms, their body language and how can i forget, their language! ....its very interesting and keeps me occupied when I am waiting for someone ( which I hate to!!)....on the road or when I am jus plain bored...as a kid, I had this habit of correcting random people if they make mistakes in english ( not that I was or am perfect in the language, but I am willing to learn if i make mistakes) and friends would scoff that she behaves like she is Shakespeare's sister or something!!!...now, I know better not to correct and my attitude is more of 'oh! whatever...'!!! When some random person sniggers or comments, you will know!!!

Times when people dont listen, they just hear in a conversation. Best example is yours truly. I am someone who talks non-stop and when I talk to friends or anyone for that matter, I have so much to say. In the bargain, I fail to listen to the other person ( which I am not proud of). A friend once told me that even if a cockroach goes by, I will have a story to relate!! Is that good or bad? I dont know....

When people say 'if suppose'? I want to say, but they are both the same!! I am itching to correct them, but I shut up as some sense prevails...

When people say 'oh! you are so childish!!' I am NOT childish, I am child-like....and No! Its not the same. Being childish is to be foolish. While someone who is child-like is someone who has the spontaneity and innocence of a child. To say you are child-like is a compliment, but to say you are childish is to call me a fool! So for people who know me personally, get the cue??

Lots of people say 'I am trying to cope up...'. Since childhood, my mom has told me some infinity times that to say 'cope up..' is wrong english and you can only cope with something...not cope up. So the minute I hear someone say 'cope up', I can visualize my mom's image in the vicinity saying ' that is wrong english'!!

Another image of S conjures up in my mind, when someone says 'lesser than'..According to him, no such term exists...ahem...well...ahem! ( I don't agree with him) He says its either 'less than' or 'lesser'...its NOT 'lesser than'... But it sure reminds me of him. Another classic observation of Mr.S is that apparently, all SOUTH Indians say 'you will look nice....' instead of 'you look nice'....really??? They add a unnecessary 'will' to every sentence...

None of us are experts in the language, but as you learn from your mistakes, you also gain confidence....not just in English anything for that matter in life, am I right? Lots of people who care, correct me when I make grammatical mistakes and I truly appreciate it...honestly I do!

Courtesy: Travel and Living

" A man who does not travel, is like someone who has read only a page in a book" - I like, I like!!!

For you, Amma!

This is a beautiful song from some non-descript movie in tamizh, but the song is sooo meaningful.

This is so true, amma....every word!

uyirum neeye udalum neeye uravum neeya thaaye....
than udadil sumandhu uyirai pagirndhu uruvam tharuvai neeye...
un kannil vazhiyum oru thuli podum, kadalum muzhugum thaaye...
un kaal adi mattum tharuvai thaaye.....sorgam enbadu poiyee....

vinnai padaithan, mannai padaithan ...kaatrum mazhai yum oliyum padaithan..
bhoomikku adanaal nimmadi illai........saami thavitthan! thaayai padaithan...

uyirum neeye....udalum neeye...ouravum neeye thaaye!
uyirum neeye udalum neeye uravum neeya thaaye....
than udadil sumandhu uyirai pagirndhu uruvam tharuvai neeye...
un kannil vazhiyum oru thuli podum, kadalum muzhugum thaaye...
un kaal adi mattum tharuvai thaaye.....sorgam enbadu poiyee....

For the benefit of people who don't understand tamizh...

you are life, you are my body, you are my relation Oh mother...
you have shared life, carried me inside you and created a relationship
A teardrop from your eyes can drown the sea...
let me lie down near your footsteps, heaven is a myth!

God created the sky, the earth, the air, the rain and sound
Earth was not happy , God was unhappy and finally created you Mother!

you are life, you are my body, you are my relation Oh mother...
you have shared life, carried me inside you and created a relationship
A teardrop from your eyes can drown the sea...
let me lie down near your footsteps, heaven is a myth!

The way my mind works...

Its another Monday and I come to office with my morning blues and realize that I have a late call that night. I discuss with my manager that I skip the call for various reasons and he agrees and asks me to send updates and inform my global counterpart regarding the same....I send a e-mail and I thought that's about it!

In some time, my manager pings me that he wants to talk to me about the e-mail I sent. He was busy right now and would come and talk to me post-lunch. From that point began the intense activity in my mind......what could it be? I did double-check before I sent out that e-mail? Did it sound rude? so I reassure myself that it was not rude by consulting with my colleague-friend.....does my mind rest now?

I go on with my work and continue my daily work routine.....a colleague asks me to proof-read his email and calls me, while my mind goes on 'what did I do wrong? what and why does he want to talk to me?'. My colleague brings me back to earth from my reverie and asks if something is wrong? I smile and nod that everything is fine while my mind is in 'panic' mode....'did'nt I check enough before i sent the mail out?'

My friend pings me for lunch and I diligently carry my lunchbox to the microwave to heat it up....and while I am looking for the sauce dispenser, look for my manager if he is around.....and can't simply concentrate on the lunch conversation while we eat....

Post lunch, we go for a walk and get back hurriedly lest my manager comes to my desk and can't find me? I won't know what the matter is?? I come back and can't stop myself from pinging my manager if I can come to his desk to discuss about the e-mail. He replies that he is in a meeting and he himself will come post-lunch!!! I am thinking, but it IS post-lunch??!! But he means post his lunch!! :)

So the clock ticks loudly in my mind and I check the computer time almost every minute!!! Finally, he does come and puts an end to the suspense!! Its nothing that kept me worried for almost the entire day!!! I heave a huge sigh of relief and laugh at my own stupidity and calm myself down.....by this time, I have already run the conversation in my mind numerous times and have thought of the various possibilities and devise my 'defense mechanism'!!!

Am i paranoid or what? Does any of your minds work this way??!!

...and one more!

Butterfly!

....it adorns the lovely terrace garden of my close friend Srija now! 

My recent work!

Coconut tree leaves - if you can't figure out what it is!! :D

Mother-tongue???!! yeah! I have a tongue!

When we moved to Pune, I thought we would be the only Tamilians ( yup, I am a tamilian who is sometimes harassed for being one, read this episode). But I am surprised to hear a lot of tamil in and around me and I feel really happy on hearing tamil :) .

No! I have no allegiance to a particular region or language. But for me, to speak in tamizh - means to speak with my family, feeling at home, something that comes naturally to me, of being extremely comfortable speaking my own language that flows easily. Of course, I can speak very fluently in Hindi ( I studied in a Central School, infact I learnt social studies in Hindi!! ) or English but to speak in tamizh means informality. I can let go of any formality and be myself....It makesit easier for me to relate to something that person refers to or explains.

I used to find it really wierd when S would speak to me in English when we were engaged.....no, he is not a 'peter'( a term used by tamilians to refer to someone who shows off that he/she speaks good english). In his own words, " Bloody hell, I think in English, so its difficult for me to convert to Tamizh and speak all the time". Now he speaks fantastic tamizh after more than 4 years of marraige, and the credit goes to you-know-who ( lots of people give me the credit)! :D

I remember that as a kid my mom used to help me and Anna learn to read / write tamizh by reading all the proverbs that would come in between commercial in good old doordarshan. She strongly believed that its extremely important that her children should know their mother tongue as well in addition to Hindi/English. Being a linguist herself, she can speak various languages easily which has helped her in so many ways to settle down easily in a new environment or to make friends with someone. Similarly, as I can speak Hindi fluently, it has been so easy to make friends or for that matter, survive in a non-tamil speaking city! Isnt that reason enough to learn more languages? Isnt learning different languages fun? The mushy side of me would always want to know how you say 'I love you' in a different language if I meet someone....

Unfortunately, some parents these days dont seem to feel the same way.The kind of emphasis english gets, I dont think any language does. I do understand the importance of good communication skills and of speaking good english, especially when it comes to your progress in career. But isn't it important to be able to understand what your loved ones speak at home, even if you have not grown up there?

I have always noticed how children of mixed parentage, for example, a child who has a tamizh mother and a punjabi father, who should ideally speak both tamizh as well as punjabi, in most cases can speak neither. Infact, I have met so many tamilians who are born and brought up in Mumbai, say "Mujhe tamil malum hi nahi hai....I am a typical Mumbaite"!....very proudly!!! Sadly, they dont realize that they are the losers!!! I feel like they dont have any real identity, neither here nor there....no belongingness!!!

So, now all of you know I am a proud tamilian and my kids (when I am blessed with them!) will definitely speak/read/write tamizh, irrespective of where they are brought up so that their grandparents, relatives and others can speak to them freely. We will encourage them to learn different languages, and most importantly, feel proud of their roots!!

Giving life to Azoics!

Today as I rode my bike to the office hurriedly ( yup, am always rushing to work!)....I was wondering how there is a distinct discrimination even when it comes to inanimate objects like the vehicles on road....

The luxury Cars, stylish cars, cars in vogue, natty looking chic cars and all that jazz invite envious looks from onlookers and remind me of pretty young things who can further be categorized into the ultra stylish, fashionable girls and boys, the practical types and some who are a mix of both - stylish on some days and not-so-well-dressed on others....

The autos rickshaws and public buses represent the middle-aged men and women who earn a decent living, not very successful or very aggressive in their outlook. They are in a job with the sole intention of earning a living. They work not because they love their job, but for the sake of doing the right thing.
Just like some autos who would rather sit around and chat with their buddies, if they had a choice, they would rather laze around at home and relax instead of toiling in the workplace. Similar to autodrivers who haggle with their 'savaari' for an extra 10 or 20 bucks, they haggle with their bosses for an increment or promotion based on seniority rather than performance or productivity.

One that stands out in the traffic is the garbage van! Have you noticed how the other vehicles cringe when they are in the vicinity of a garbage van, well, coz it stinks in the entire neighbourhood as they pass by? But can you imagine, in what surrounding we would all live in, if the garbage is not cleared?

The garbage van represents people like the rag pickers, toilet cleaners, maids, labourers and other such workers who are always ignored and generally, taken for granted. Some of them are treated like untouchables akin to the garbage van that is avoided by all vehicles on the road. People make faces on signals when the garbage van is around, while he takes everyone's crap (literally!!).

As a kid, while fighting with other kids or more due to the fact that I didnt know too many bad words , I have used the toilet cleaner as an abusive word. Now, I realize how wrong I was...would I like to use a dirty bathroom at home? Don't I cringe when I see a dirty used toilet at my workplace or in a public utility areas? What a dirty world we would live in, if not for those people?

By the way, I was thinking about all this when I was cleaning the toilet at home yesterday and when I saw the garbage van today as I turned into plush, green and sparkling surroundings that lead to a cleaner office!!!....thanks to you-know-who!!! :)

I am touched!

(Click on the picture for a larger view and to figure out who S is!! :D)

When you are in the middle of some mundane things, thoughtful surprises bring such a joy into your life.Today was such a day and I MUST write this down to remind myself of how much love and blessings I receive.

S has always been very angry with me for not changing my mobile which is a pretty basic one. I prefer it that way, it is just something that I use to make calls and receive calls. I don't like to spend too much money on a fancy expensive one, simply coz its not among my priorities. I admit that I do like certain ringtones and some cute stuff you can have if you have a good handset, but I can do without it. I am not a gadget freak or anything. PERIOD. Recently, my existing basic phone had some display problems and I have been using it with a big blob on the screen as if a kid scratched it with a big crayon.

Today I had some work to do and had gone out with my friend. S dropped me half way and we discussed that he would buy Ganesha and some pooja stuff as its Ganesh Chathurthi. He also said that he would check on my phone about the display problem as it is still under warranty. ( by the way, I didnt expect half these things to be done....)

I finished my work and come home to see that our friendly God adorns our pooja with some modaks and S looks like the cat who got the cream. He gives me a W300i phone,its a walkman phone with a camera and all that jazz. More than the fancy phone, what was most thoughtful was that by the time I got back, he had copied some music that I love from a CD that is scratched and does not play properly, patiently loaded it on to the laptop at home, and selected the ones I love and had loaded it on to the brand new phone and gave it to me. There is this violin music that plays on his phone but would not play on my erstwhile phone as it does not have capabilities. Even that ringtone is now mine and he is more excited about my new phone than I am!!! :)

Also, I love this song called "Soni de nakh de...from Partner" and go crazy when the song comes on T.V or when its played in the car. He had loaded that song for me first! Now, I can even listen to music on my phone and it is a fancy flip phone.

I am amazed at how he notices these little details and takes my breath away with such cute gestures. I was overwhelmed and I felt so good for all the trouble he went to, for me. He could have simply lazed around, watched T.V. or done anything he wanted to, at home as its a holiday.

My darling S, what would I do without you??

Is MY happiness OTHER's state of mind?

Why do we all (especially yours truly!) see happiness confined to a few milestones? good job, get married, buy a house, have kids, have another kid, save-enough-to-have-an-independent-life, children well settled, etc. etc...well, I am sure everyone would say 'well, that is the natural course that life takes for everyone!!'. My point is why can't it be different? Why am I answerable or questioned about each milestone at every point of time? Does it matter at all to anybody what really makes me happy? Most importantly, Do I know what really makes me happy?? In pursuit of reaching these milestones, more so due to pressures from peers, parents, neighbours...even strangers, all my attention is on the 'standard milestones set by others' that I forget to enjoy the simple pleasures and joy of life.

I had an epiphany (shruthi's fav. word!) and since then, have changed a lot from my previous self and have learnt to let go of myself. I think we are all conditioned to think that it is most important to think about others and please them than thinking about or caring about yourself. There were times I would feel guilty about being happy with S, away from my parents. Now, I know its silly. At the same time, I also think you want something to happen coz the person you love wants the same things too,more fervently than you do and succumb to it. But isnt that conditional love ( if such a word exists, but you get the drift, right?)

I am judgemental. PERIOD. I think its my basic nature, coz I dont seem to be able to change that about me :). I have judged people who choose to remain single and not marry at all or at couples who decide not to have children for whatever reason and so on. When I think about it, maybe that makes them happy. Who knows? It is important to respect their decision just like how I would like to be respected for mine.

S once told me 'You dont get hurt unless you want to get hurt'. I scoffed. I hate to admit now that it is indeed true. Over time, you learn to filter some people from your life and for your own good, its best to have positive people around you who revel in your happiness and accomplishments and at the same time, help you move on with life. But when you are young and raw, and have no idea of how cynical and cruel words can be, it comes as a shock that shakes you up...

Amma tells me ' Nobody is worth suffering!' Amen to that!!

Changeover!

Yesterday was Janmashtami and I rushed home to make neivedyam, at least the basics like pal payasam if not the works ( read uppu cheedai, vella cheedai etc.). After I spoke to Amma over the phone i remembered how she would make sure we would celebrate all the festivals with equal fervour despite the fact that she was a working mom. I would love the small foot prints of Krishna that would run across the hall to the Pooja and would long to do it myself and beg Amma to let me do my haphazard yet sincere attempt. As I grew older, I would scoff at traditions, more so due to lack of awareness of why we do it.

Now that I am married and live alone, I am able to appreciate and understand these interesting customs, traditions and festivals that come up to brighten up our banal existance and long for some more time and energy to celebrate it with renewed vigour after a long day at work! I think that when my mom took so much efforts to celebrate every festival despite feeling tired after a long day at work and long hours of travel....my life is so much easier and more comfortable....yet I bow down to laziness and feign ignorance?!! I would also like my kids ( when they come into my life!) to know, understand and enjoy these festivals and I should do whatever I can to educate them about it. There are lots of customs and traditions that we follow blindly, but in reality there is some logic or good reason for doing it. Most of the times, people do not ask nor do people bother to explain! OK! I digress...

I love the 'Ganesh Chathurthi' festival and I remember running along with Appa or Anna to the market to buy the beautiful clay idols and I would proudly carry Gannu's umbrella as I amble along with Appa back home and strangers on the road would smile at us and ask "Enna vinayakar vandacha??" ( So Lord Vinayaka has come home?). I vividly remember arriving home to hear Amma sing 'Morya re....Ganpati Pappa morya re...' ( My parents lived in Bombay in the initial years of their marraige) and it is a grand celebration in North India. Since we moved to Pune and we have been around for more than a year now, I get to see huge idols everywhere and it makes me sooo deliriously happy and excited. We are so immune to seeing Ganesha everywhere in our lives that the minute I see an elephant walking on the road, I am promptly reminded of the friendly God! Elephants have this innate quality of appearing child-like and innocent that is extremely endearing. Of course, the fact that they are known to be very unpredictable, strong and dangerous does not cross your mind. I have a huge indulgent smile on my face when I see an elephant anywhere! When I went on a trip with my friends from SRM ( my first job!) I remember falling in love with a baby elephant :)

I am looking forward to Ganesh Chathurthi this year, and of course, hoping its a holiday at work !! ;)

Update on surprise visit!

I had written a post earlier about my plans to surprise my mom in this post. When my brother, S and I arrived at her doorstep we all hid somewhere and rang the doorbell.....and when she saw us first, her face was blank....as if the fact that we are here had to sink in....and then the happiness on her face....is something I will remember for a long time. All the plotting, planning and the secrecy was well worth it to see her deliriously happy. It was a priceless moment. As people called up to wish her ( it was her birthday surprise!) she could not stop gushing about our surprise visit and how happy she was!! We all smiled at each other at her excitement and happiness and felt really good about it.

Well, all we did was eat, sleep, chat and shop!!! Had an awesome time and as always, were disappointed to leave in just four days!! All of us really enjoyed the time spent teasing each other and good humour....quality time spent!

Towards evening, S and I decided to go for a stroll in and around my parent's place coz the place has changed so much since our last visit. For old times sake, S wanted to have a fruit salad or something in 'Shakes n Creams' to relive the moments of our 'first date'. To our utter disappointment, it has been replaced by some Italian or American ( I didnt bother to check it!) restaurant....anyway, it is the feeling that matters, right? ( actually it is more a case of sour grapes!).

I have given my fancy-sentimental- letter-to-dad to be kept in safe custody with Amma. I am eagerly waiting to see his reaction on his birthday...now, things are back to normal routine and the routine is good too!! :)

A home is built with love and dreams....

Note: This was my rented flat, the first one we lived in, when we relocated to Pune!

How true!! :) Out of the dreariness, into its cheeriness....we come with weariness....to our Home! Yup! for most of us, home is where heaven is.....and I am no exception!
I am a very house-proud woman who loves coming back to a well kept, tastefully done home. We have recently bought our own dream home after much deliberation and fell in love with it instantly.

Most weekends are spent looking around for different ideas, miscellaneous things and more ideas.....yesterday we went to have a look at the progress (if any!). We were pleasantly surprised at the developments. We went there with no expectations ( just like I had no expectations when I married S) and got a double whammy ( with S as well) when we looked at the lovely big fountain, landscaping done all around...and beautifully carved royal looking gates....leading to our regal home ( Incidentally, the builder has aptly given the same caption). S and I were grinning from ear to ear and so thrilled at all the developments. The happiness on S's face is worth remembering.....our home is slowly taking shape and I was so glad to see tiles on my bathroom!!!!

I took advantage of S's excitement and pulled him along to see some fabulous lights (psssst....I had already eyed them before when I went with my friends, Moni and Srija.....) They are awesome.....three lights in a panel....one is a modern looking one and another one is an ethnic style mosaic patterns on the light....thankfully, for me S loved it and wanted to pick both.... well, that's like a jackpot for me. We will move to the new place hopefully by end of year, and the lights are all stocked already in the attic!! :o)


I gave a verbatim account of the developments to Amma over the phone coz I had to share my excitement with her. Arundhati once wished me that all good things will follow as we move to our new home.....I am sure God is hearing her words and says 'thathastu'!! Right now, I am happy and contented and thankful to God for showering his blessings on me.

A small gesture of gratitude....

I have been reading many blogs off late when I feel like taking a break. There were a lot of heart rendering posts about how each individual missed their parents in some way and unfortunately some of them lost their parents too. They all spoke about how they missed telling their dad/mom how much they loved him/her and this feeling of regret of having lost the opportunity to express their deep sense of love and gratitude.

Reading all these posts stirred in me the same feeling. I have not seen my parents for more than a year now, despite living in India for various reasons. My mom's birthday is on the 30th Aug and S and I decided to make a surprise visit to Chennai and of course, I will enjoy all my time with my family and I know for a fact that amma will be thrilled to bits and I cant wait to see the expression on her face. I am soooooo looking forward to it.

I talk to my Amma everyday and in all the excitement, I dont really talk to Appa much, unless we have something important to talk to each other about. Of course, it doesnt mean that I love him any less....it is just the way we are! It is Appa's birthday on the 18th September and even if I would love to extend my stay in chennai till then, my office would decide that I might stay there for as long as I want!!!! :D

So I finally came up with this brilliant idea ( So i think! lets see if Appa likes it!) of writing a letter to him about all my memories of him as a kid and what I feel about him and what an awesome dad he is to me. I finished the letter and showed S and he thinks its really touching and wishes we have kids who feel the same way about us! ( I think that's a good enough reaction!) . I have inserted some pictures of me and Appa in between and plan to make it little fancy and get creative. I improvise on it everyday. Once I am done, I plan to print it out on a photo paper and give it to him. I know appa and am sure he will cherish this more than any material gifts I can give him.

I feel damn good about it and I am happy I will not have regrets as far as my parents are concerned with this small little gesture! :-) Life is short and it is important to let your loved ones know how much you love them at every opportunity. As I see relationships fail all around me, I am very grateful to God for all the lovely people in my life and the unconditional love I receive. GOD BLESS!!

Myth Buster!

Disclaimer: All these myths and assumptions of mine are busted! They are applicable to ME and ME alone! Please do not relate to this post and make absurd comments in MY blog. Genuine comments with your own identity are welcome!

Myth: If you earn loads of money, you have a great career.
Fact: You have a great career, when you enjoy the work you do and look forward to go to work everyday. I earn reasonably good money, and most importantly, I look forward to go to work everyday now. REALLY.

Myth: Obsessing your mind with something you want or desire makes you really focused.
Fact: Obsessing gets you nowhere. It is important to enjoy every moment , for tomorrow you might get what you want /desire and start regretting those precious moments that are in the past now. Stop obsessing and things will fall into place.

Myth: I should behave in such a way that everyone likes me.
Fact: You cannot please EVERYONE and you live only once. If you make a genuine effort and if it still doesn’t work that way…..they don’t deserve it. PERIOD. Let them get over it and I can deal with it.

As life passes by, all my myths are gonna be busted…for good!!!

Positive Developments....

I am not really a dog-lover….as a kid, I was petrified of dogs. I remember we used to visit my mom’s best friend. She loves dogs and has a German shepherd that looks like a wolf. At every occasion we would visit them, aunty would lock up ‘shyama’ inside a room as I would start crying uncontrollably when she starts barking. Even now I remember how I would clamp up the minute we would reach aunty’s house and my heartbeat would start beating faster. Infact, once we had gone to her place and I was wearing a pretty pavadai (long skirt worn by kids in south India) and by chance, before aunty could lock up shyama ( which was heart wrenching for her….dogs are like their own kids for dog lovers, I realize NOW!). ‘Shyama’ in her enthusiasm on seeing a small kid and thinking I have come to play with her….came running to me….I was shit scared that I started running around the house and in the process my pavadai was shredded and torn as ‘shyama’ thought it was a big game. Amma tells me that I cried uncontrollably for a long time and she was more upset about my torn pavadai and shyama looking forlorn and looking sadly at aunty with a ‘what have I done now!’ expression.

Cut to the present,
I was engaged to S and till I visited his place I did not know that my in-laws have not one, two German Shepherds (Kaspar and Cookie)!!!! I remember every time Kaspar and Cookie would bark the minute I got up…..so for the entire day I was glued to the sofa and did not get up even when I wanted to pee. Apparently, S did not enlighten me about the dogs, lest I refuse to marry him in fear (for the dogs!). I was thinking to myself, how the hell am I going to move around the house, forget moving around….live with two dogs?!!! Despite the fact that we lived alone due to proximity to work, we would often visit or live with my in-laws over the weekend and I didn’t have a choice, but get used to it. Slowly and steadily I got used to being around them….and could ignore Kaspar when he came and sniffed around and I would close my eyes tightly when he licked me all over. At that time, I did not understand that was his way of expressing his love….after all, he cant talk?!!! Dumb me!!

By the time we were married, Cookie had to be given away as she did not really get along with Kasper and it was a big strain to take care of two dogs for my in-laws. I got used to Kasper and would still clamp up when I reached the doorstep and would wait for him to literally pounce on me and lick me all over for at least 5 minutes. He liked me so much that he would wait outside the bathroom when I was inside….and my MIL would complain that she is the one who feeds, cleans and takes care of him and I am the one who reaps the benefit!!!

Kasper died a few months ago and I realize that I do love him a lot and miss him. Every time I see a German shepherd, I am fondly reminded of my dear Kasper. I still remember when he would look at me, I could feel him emoting true feelings…like a true person!!! When he died I was alone in Pune with S traveling abroad and could not get over the fact that he is no more. For my in-laws, S and Shashi (S’s sister) he is like a kid and a sibling respectively. S was understandably very upset when he heard about Kasper and was unfortunately abroad at that time. Infact, he has written his first post about Kasper…

It is indeed a huge development from what I felt for dogs as a kid. My parents and aunty especially are so surprised about this development in me…..

Kasper, you are missed by all of us and most importantly, loved by all of us…to the extent that he is called Kasper Venkatraman!!!!

Relatively speaking....

As a school-going kid, I would look at my seniors longingly who had the privilege of wearing 'duppattas' and who could have long, well-manicured painted nails. I could'nt wait to grow up and wear colourful duppattas, paint my nails in different colours.....and wear lipsticks! How can I forget lipstick? I would think how lucky they were.....and I was so miserable that I am still a kid....Infact, when Amma would take me for a wedding, I would rant and rave that she should apply lipstick for me as well and refuse to eat at the wedding, lest the colour wears off!!!

Cut to the present, I postpone doing my nails and among everything else, promise myself that I will do it next weekend, for sure! That too, after I feel embarassed at my chipped nail paint and feel dirty at work!

As for duppattas, I hate to wear them as you have to go on adjusting them all day long....can be a pain when I am on the bike, with hundred things to carry....and to add a duppatta to it? So, I will always stitch stuff like a kurta with a chinese collar, so that I can just wear them with pants....no hassles!!!

Lipstick? The glamour still attracts me! :) ...and funnily, lots of people gift them to me in different colours....

Ok! I am off to do my nails....S is busy with his formula one and I have nothing to do....so I might as well get it done!!

I am a living example for 'appearances are deceptive' coz most people who look at me will think that I am a super confident ( arrogant as well?!) person and can speak my mind easily....well, to a certain extent I do and I am....but I do have my moments....

1. If my maid is doing a bad job(..and am being moderate here!) and i want to sack her? I will think about it a 100 times and rehearse how i would tell her, with S!! I will empathise with her situation and visualise what she will go through when I say this to her on a monday....maybe I should try and see if it works for some more time....REALLY....I do that! BTW, my maid still works for me....and I do the work MYSELF....

2. I find it extremely difficult to ask a friend to return the money they borrowed from me. Again, the rehearsing ritual goes on in my mind, over and over.....I am thinking what my friend will think about me... if I ask him/her MY money! yeah right! well, what to do? we are like this wonly!!

3. I am very generous with compliments with people...coz I know how lovely it feels to recieve compliments from ANYONE! But I will not just think twice, but ten times before I compliment a male colleague....coz I am perennially in danger of sending the wrong signals...who knows how someone interprets your words or actions!

4. The most comical situation is in a lift...if you have noticed most people will look down, close their eyes or look anywhere but at the other occupants in the lift...as for me? I am my giggly self ( I have no clue why I find it funny!) and smile at kids and chat with them, if they are women, definitely start a conversation and make friends....men? I prefer to ignore....by far I might smile and say a hi if I know them already!! ( for the same reasons!!)

5. If i go to a shop and look at clothes, I am shit scared to leave without buying something....No! not that I really liked something and i want to buy it....only coz the owner /attendant/ shop assistant spent so much time showing me the clothes and might be scolding me in his/her mind.....yeah! I am such a sucker!! Fear-stricken, I wont enter a shop if I dont know for sure am gonna pick something.....

I know all my fears are baseless and I simply have to just go ahead and say it or do it....but I can't...I find it DIFFICULT! Does anyone else have such quirky habits or uncertainities??

Life is extremely unpredictable....

My mom called me today to inform me that Hari passed away....I was shell shocked...he is a 23 yr old boy!! He was studying in London, and noone knew about his whereabouts...he had been dead in his room for 2 days!!! I still can't get over it.... his parents are close family friends and a close friend of my dad...and I remember going to their house as a kid....and Hari was this intellectual book-worm who would quietly read loads of books most of the times! I used to go for long walks with aunty, his mom!!! I can't imagine I am referring to him in the past!!

My heart goes out to him and aunty....what about his dreams? what was going through his mind at that point? Life is so unpredictable and so unfair....how will aunty cope with this?? ya ya...time is a good healer and stuff....well, I cant' express my feelings right now...I pray to God that he gives them the strength to bear this loss..and Hari, may your soul rest in peace...take care!

Every new beginning is accompanied by renewed vigor and excitement...I am excited.. :) I have got a job i have always wanted in a great company and feel really happy about it as well. Indeed, when God closes a window, another door opens....and I am confident that good things are in store for me! :) THANK YOU GOD for everything you have blessed me with...I am sure I deserve it!( he he...now you know for sure that its me! ) ;)

There is no looking back now.....

I have been Tagged! :)

I was tagged by Raaga. So here it is... 8 random facts about myself, will get as random as i can get! :)

1. I love the smell of babies.

2. I get all excited, get super crazy and make a fool of myself when I am really happy. Endearments from anyone ( of course, friends and people I know) makes me ecstatic, even if they don't mean it and say it.

3. I am not self-conscious in any sense and have narcissistic tendencies;)

4. My greatest strength - my family ( amma, appa and anna!) and of course, my darling husband! - Love all of them with all my heart ( I guess this is no big secret!)

5. I hate it when kids call their parents 'Mummy' and 'Daddy' instead of Amma and Appa.

6. I find fair guys effeminate and female chauvinism( if there is such a term!) exists...

7. I appear arrogant to a lot of people, and some of them are hesitant to talk to me the first time! I am very open and friendly, in reality....appearances can be deceptive!

8. I feel it is very important to know your native language, apart from english! I detest the habit of a few parents who do not encourage their kids to learn or speak their native language.

Now that I am done with it, its your turn!
Ritu - vivifies indeed
Vibuti - eternally in love!
Deepa - Interesting perspective!
Boo - A parent's selfless love!
Revathi - Profound thoughts
Satyajit - The love of my life!
Preethi - Writer's delight!
Chandrasekar - Big brother, I found you!

You have to play by the rules!

• Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
  
• People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
  
• At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
  
• If you fail to do this within eight hours, you will not reach Third Series or attain your most precious goals for at least two more lifetimes....nah! Just dont be a spoilsport!~

I was watching 'kaadal rojave' from the movie 'Roja' on T.V....and like how you see in movies.....FLASHBACK! :) I was reminded of my college days, how crazy I was over drop-dead gorgeous arvindswamy! I had a HUGE crush on him, the word 'crush' sounds so innocuous as compared to what I felt about him. Like many other girls, i was head over heels in love with him, or so i thought!

I would get up in the morning all bright-eyed and my folks would instantly know what i had dreamt about....I would have dreamt that i was married to arvindswamy! :D..and I would really be upbeat and chirpy all morning....with a dreamy smile on my face.....when he got married, i was so heart broken and cursed myself for not being older...yeah right!! I hated his wife even before I knew her....he would be my knight in shining armour who would rescue me from being sad or upset when I got scolded by my parents or if I had a bad day!!!.....

cut to the present.....I am married, not to arvindswamy, but someone much much better....who definitely brings a smile on my face!!! :) God bless....he has his own ways of showering his blessings on us, does'nt he?

Its a beautiful day....am enjoying working as well as looking out my window.....its inexplicably calming...Dark clouds, mann vaasanai, pleasant and cool air....life could'nt get any better :). when S gets back home, and we give each other a big bear hug, the smile on our faces.....and to see each other after a long day.....its lovely!! I can't thank god enough for S! I treasure him with all my heart. I don't believe in love at first sight. Love takes its time to grow and become stronger....

I have this annoying habit of thinking of something sad that happened in the past, when am really happy. ..as if i want to spoil my happiness - MYSELF! I don't let go easily. Today, right this moment, I give up that habit! I have always felt contented and blessed with all the lovely people and wonderful life I have....at this moment, I feel contentment.

Nowadays I have noticed that I enjoy my solitude. I don't mean to say I dont like to talk to people or to have people around me. Sometimes, it helps to be with yourself. It helps you clear your head and enjoy the moment....I shy away from making small talk with neighbours or friends when i walk down....I find it tiring to answer routine daily questions.... am I wierd?

Its a beautiful day!!! :) God, I feel like I can see you smiling down at me... and I smile back :) are you charmed? well, GOD, you have definitely charmed me with your blessings and love.

June 11th was my anniversary (4th already, time flies when you are having fun ;) )and as always, S and I went on a trip ( we had decided that we would take 2 breaks every year, and touchwood so far have been able to stick to it - one on our anniversary and one during december - year end) . This time, we went to Matheran, was an interesting experience...before I digress...let me come to the point before I forget it.

We travelled by the Mumbai - Pune Expressway ( its my first time!) and my god! I was amazed at the fantastic roads ....vennai madiri irundudu ( i.e...the roads were like butter.....sooo smooth)....I was pleasantly surprised...S and I were discussing how wonderful it would be if all the roads in India could be so well-maintained. So it shows that we are capable of it, except that we dont really bother to maintain all our roads like the Expressway.....Instead of gaping at the clean roads abroad, if we took little effort to remain clean and maintain civic sense....people would throng to India for other reasons than just Goa, Spices and snake charmers!!!! ( I know am exaggerating here, but there are still people who think that way!)

Coming to Matheran, its common knowledge that no vehicles are allowed inside as they would like to keep the place pollution-free. After a point, you have to walk up or take the toy train and enjoy the breathtaking moutains and its beautiful. They do not allow plastic bags so as not to pollute the environment. Despite clear instructions everywhere, there are people who throw plastic bags on the roads....it is really frustrating and sad to see such uncultured behaviour. I had written a post about patriotism and how India is a beautiful country. Now I feel like taking back my words.....I want to ask them, dont you feel proud when someone comes home and says you have a beautiful home? Don't you feel the same way about your country??

I am currently in a state of morbid fear about what is gonna happen...like there is a time bomb and I have to save myself or something! I feign indifference when friends or loved ones ask me what the problem is...but heart of hearts, I hate to admit that I am forever worried!

Nowadays, I have the most wierd dreams and I get up in the wrong side of the bed on most mornings! Life itself is wierd sometimes....am sorry about this woeful post but i need a vent...and am not comfortable talking about it to anyone either. Wish I had a magic wand or something, and I could brush away all the unwanted thoughts and things in my life. I guess that's why I like these 'ugly duckling turns swan' and 'rags to riches' movies.

I have my good moments too....i guess that is what keeps me going... it could be a thoughtful gesture from S or a long chat with amma or a kind word from a friend...or even to see the plants flowering in my teeny weeny garden! :) Life is one big puzzle...who knows what happiness lies hidden somewhere??!! I just need the patience, intelligence and positivity to wait for it to unravel itself....

2 U 2, my turn! ( 2006)

My world comes crashing down
But I see a small flicker of light
I take a peak into it
And I see you….

I am bursting with happiness
Overflowing laughter and fun
I look here, there and everywhere
To share, and I see you….

I am confused and kinda dazed
My world comes to a blur
Life seems meaningless
Until I see you….

The heart wants to be filled with love
Longs to be held in a loving embrace
Looks for a shoulder to cry
Until you see me….

For S and S only!!! :) Well, atleast I tried... and most importantly, he LOVED it! coming from someone who cant write poetry for nuts, he appreciated it...and that's all matters!! isnt it??

S wrote this for me....on my birthday in 2004!

If I tell you the truth,
Will you leave me alone?
Leave me alone watching the rain,
Thinking of all those precious moments.

If I tell you the truth
Will you still look at me?
Still look at me with
Those cucumber cool eyes.

If I tell you the truth
Will you frown?
Frown at me or
Show me those gorgeous dimples in a smile.

If I tell you the truth
Will you hold it against me?
Hold it against me,
Instead of holding me in your arms.

If I tell you the truth
Will you not give me another chance?
Not give me another chance or
Stay with me forever.

If I tell you the truth
Will you detest me?
Detest me deeply or
Still love me for it.

If I tell you the truth
Will it be asking for too much?
Asking for too much or
Just for all I want.

I’m telling you the truth …
I love you.

For J


I was thrilled to bits and absolutely on cloud nine for a long time......noone has ever written a poem about me..... :)....saving it for posterity...to show my kids how romantic and loving their DAD is! :D

I was sitting in the balcony reading a book, and generally looking at the kids playing down in the playarea. I stay in a big complex with lots of free space, parks and children's play area...

The kids of the labourers who work in the new construction block were playing in the swing and having good fun in the park....one of the kids was in tattered and dowdy clothes...she herself would be about 9 yrs...and she was taking care of a little toddler...the little baby was left on the grass, god knows....what insects were around...I thought....if it was a baby from our families, s/he would be pampered and cared for, with what not...diapers, clean clothes, wet wipes, baby cream, baby lotion, moisturiser...this and that! While, this baby was just left there while her sisters played in abandon...while their mother was away pruning the flowers and removing the weeds from the gardens...I felt sad at how unfair it was!

To add to it, the security was chasing away those kids from the play area and I thought to myself, how unfair this world is! Does the fact that those children were born to labourers deny those kids the simple pleasure of being kids? And just then, I realised those kids WERE having fun.... they kept playing 'running and catching' with the security guard and seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves.....I smiled! :) Indeed, those kids were in old and torn clothes.... but their smiles were genuine and despite what i thought they were having fun!! I felt good...

Raining happiness...

The monsoon has started in Pune, and today the first rains started....Is there anyone who doesnt like rain?? Oh! the minute I smell rain (mann-vaasanai), it makes me so cheerful and happy, a kind of serenity, i cant explain enough how awesome I feel...I definitely love to or dream of enjoying the rain maybe with a loved one, cozy in the comforts of their home, with a good book, masala chai, add some bajji or pakoda to it!....ahh! heavenly!!! :)

During schooldays, I would get up all upset that its a monday morning, which means go to school...and it would rain....yippeeee.....bunk school!!!!! Inexplicable joy!! :D Then, when I grew up, I was not too happy about staying home and confined indoors on account of rain....when I was committed, I longed to spend time with S in the rain....even now, all I can think of , is to go home and sit together in our balcony, sip tea and chat! ( we could do that everyday or already do it everday, but the magic of rain brings such silly yet simple wants...romance!!)

Right now, am happy that I can listen to some good music ( am listening to Meharam...by Meenal Jain, mesmerising!!), blogging while am supposed to do some research and content! :D Tomorrow morning, I can wake up to rain and S will be there with me, enjoying it with me!! :) GOD BLESS....

Power of positive thinking!!

I read an interesting article about 'Positive thinking and Optimism' on TOI - sunday issue. I was mighty impressed with what miracles occur when you have happy thoughts and surround yourself with positive people. I was further convinced, when I heard Ritu give an account of her pregnancy. Apparently, when she was pregnant with her first baby, the baby was positioned in a reverse position, with legs going down, that leads to a 'breach baby' and can end up being a ceasarean.

She used to practice yoga regularly throughout her pregnancy and was clearly disappointed to hear that . So she told her guru that the doctor said that it could be complicated. Her guru asked her to continue with her yoga( doing sarvangasana) for another 15 days and guaranteed a normal delivery. Lo and behold! the baby changed its position and she had a normal delivery!!!! Wow!! I was amazed to hear that....its wonderful that she believed in her guru and did not deter or get disappointed.

I have decided to consciously think of happy events, surround myself with positive people and who knows, I might develop a halo! :D

Its a thin line...

Despite our claims to remain united and pluming patriotism, there is most definitely a clear divide between North-South India! There....I have said it!!

I am sick and tired of rude comments, ridicule in the name of humour and disgusted with a certain section of people who belong to both regions, that I have come across in life so far....I hate this crap! I am very proud of being a Tamilian, and yes, I am an iyer who speaks tamil with a typical dialect common to Bramhins..that's the way I speak...take it or leave it!!

When I moved to Bangalore and now in Pune, I hear some extremely tactless comments, mostly and sadly only from North Indians....
" My god! Are you a tamilian? You are not dark?"
"You are from madras, but you are so well-dressed(??) and modern??"
" You dont look like a tamilian at all, you look like a punjabi or gujju or nothing remotely south indian??"

What makes you think, all tamilians are dark...and if at all, some of them are dark, its coz we all scorch in the sun and the weather is extremely hot and all our skins are tanned. Just coz, I am not rude and for one, have consideration for other's feelings, unlike you...doesnt mean you can get away with anything ( No, I am not overreacting, I have got this too many times....I am not amused!) Do I ask you how do you look so ugly?? ( what the hell...)

As for being well-dressed, in which world are you? Have you been to chennai recently? There are a huge number of well-dressed people and as modern as it can get! Anyways, every individual dresses according to his/her comfort, personality and convenience. It has nothing to do with where you live!!! Yes, to a large extent, our surroundings and upbringing do determine the way we dress up. And by the way, " Modern" dressing does'nt necessarily mean well-dressed.

Yes, where we come from and the surroundings we grow up in does determine our attitudes, personality and knowledge. In today's day and age, with no boundaries in terms of geography, the advent of internet and numerous sources of information, everybody in every nook and corner of India is well versed with the worldy affairs as well as the latest fashions...Inspite of YOUR ignorance, people down south have a nice blend between modern as well as traditional attire...and we are proud of it. We strike a balance!!

NO! This is not a post about how great south Indians are...This is to vent my anger and frustration against Indians ( Yes, Indians) who think they can get away with whatever they say, in the name of humour!!! The best example is LOLA KUTTY on MTV, or heroines in madisaar ( 9-yard saree worn by bramhins) and the sad jokes on malayali accent and any kind of ridicule on certain sections of the country. Down south, the movies portray gujaratis as fat women cooking and eating all the time or sidey-looking money lenders which is equally unacceptable and in bad taste.

Repeat jokes or comments ridiculing people can be taken easily the first time, after a point, it gets to the point of being hurtful, immature and downright silly. GROW UP!!!!

P.S - I have nothing against north indians...this is a personal account of my experiences and anguish...being a south indian, I know one side of the story....no offence meant!! )

S got the major leap......YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.....I am sooooooooooooooo happy for him!!!! Can't stop grinning....

Emotional Makeover!

From being someone very impulsive and unrestrained, I have become someone who is very cautious and circumspect...so if you know me personally quite well, you would know that's a huge transformation. I am someone who does not refrain from expressing my emotions, excitement or opinions. Most of the times, it has not helped me. Its a cultivated habit, and I really have to try hard to control myself. But I DO IT.

S is going get a major leap in his career ( hopefully, my fingers are crossed!!)....and I am always the one more excited....whether its HIS birthday, HIS new job, HIS promotion, HIS awards and accolades or anything related to him. I am also the one who gets more worried about any problem he faces...I am always accused by my loved ones of worrying about EVERYONE and EVERYTHING...and I would always say, that's the way I am!! But who am I fooling? If it affects me, I should do something about it, even if it requires a lot of effort....at some point, you have to draw the line...

I would worry all day if a friend didnt act normal with me or would not talk to me...I think I still do...but consciously I am trying to ignore it. I try not to let it bother me. That way, I am blessed...in the sense, that I can be really happy with lots of people around or I can also be happy by myself...I know its wierd...but I really can....I need to apply my mind to it and attune myself to being optimistic...anything is possible. Of course, all of us have our happy sunny days and there are days when you feel low, not for any particular reason...

I am like a pendulum, I fluctuate between being happy and sad within few hours...I ALWAYS smile....but only a few close ones can really see beyond that...I get bored easily as well, am a very restless person, my attention-span is really low! All this is changing....definitely for the better!!!

I have finally understood how much it helps not to open your mouth where it is not required and do the one thing I do best....SMILE!!! :)

Evry new day dawns....with new surprises...sometimes they are shocks that jolt you back to stark reality!

On the way to work today, I saw an uncle on the pillion - holding on to dear life, sitting awkwardly in an uncomfortable position and holding on to all the bars on the bike...It was so familiar, that's exactly how my Appa used to be in chennai ( my bachelorette days), when he rode wiith me on the bike.. :)

I count my blessings everyday...

My fellow bloggers seem to be thinking on the same lines as I do...its freaky, plain coincidience ( I am such a drama queen!)! Raaga's recent post about parents struck a chord! Lovely post, raaga!

Recently, I have been wanting to go home so badly to see Amma and Appa. I do talk to them everyday and we were discussing my childhood days...Amma sometimes says " Its nice to see you happily married, but you were gone so early...the house feels empty". I just laugh it off when she says that but I really miss her. I miss her patiently listening to my 'evening account of the day's happenings', though I do the same with S now. I miss her constant interviews about the right method to make "Molagu rasam", she still does it through the phone!! Every little thing or major happening, I have to tell them, with complete details....and I talk to her about everything that I am happy about or anything that bothers me, with abandon!! She is indeed, my confidante to whom I can talk to, without being judged. I always feel she is my mother, who knows me and loves me more than anyone else? ( Funny part is, I used to hate her as a teenager and thought she was extremely interfering. I am grown up now, and I know how to get my way, nicely now!)

Appa is someone, everyone is afraid of, except me! I can monkey around with him without any fear. Appa is not the most demonstrative types, but I know for a fact that he loves me with all his heart and I can proudly say he is a wonderful father...from preparing me for my Social Studies exams in 2 days ( I had fun in my cousin's wedding before the exam and when I panicked, he calmly sat down and taught me everything....I got 83%) to our long chats about life, marraige, S, and even his candid opinions about my spending patterns! He never misses an opportunity to say how proud he is of his little daughter ( at one point, i WAS little, you know?)

Anna is the bestest brother in the whole wide world. We dont talk as often as I do with my parents, considering he is perenially busy at work....but we can just start off anytime, anywhere like good old friends. In my school days, he was such a loving and protective brother, I used to get so irritated with him....and he has always been there for me, and I am there for him as well. I am very proud of his achievements recently and my heart swells with pride to see him recieve accolades and awards periodically. A very friendly and pragmatic guy, very balanced in his views , can be pig-headed too!! He is my one and only sibling, I dont think anyone can match up to him.... S gets jealous when he sees the way I adore him ( S says the first time we met, I didnt stop talking about my brother! :D...did I???)....

I have put a pic of amma holding me as a baby on my orkut profile....here it is...


The pride and the expression on her face is priceless!! I count my blessings everyday for them.....I am such a lucky woman for the people I love and I always feel so loved too!!

'Lipstick's recent post stirred up memories in me....memories of my childhood, years as a teenager, in college....when I think about it, I have come a long way....emotionally, I have changed radically, would like to think for good....As I read her post, I realised that a sense of calm has settled over me! I am not as hyper as I used to be...if I may say, I am far more balanced now and it does feel good.

I have begun to watch people and listen to their views merely as a spectator, neither acknowledging nor supporting or arguing about it. I have realized that there is no point in wasting time explaining things to people. They have to learn it by experience, to understand the impact of their words, comments or criticism on another. Of course, there are poeple who pretend that they are immature and childish...what can you say to such people? My policy is to just ignore and eliminate such negative vibes from my life. PERIOD. I try to cheer up another person, in a small way whenever I can...which gives ME immense satisfaction. There have been so many instances where I have seen arrogant fools pick on a meek and docile person or snigger meaningly about some sad joke on another....I would love to strangle them to death for hurting someone's feelings like that!!

One day, they will learn from their mistakes...just like I did!!!

What's with me??

I am very angry with myself….for a lot of reasons….for wallowing in self-pity, for not pushing myself enough, for feeling this discontentment, for being dependent on someone for happiness, for being ms.sunshine and ms.gloomy alternately, for crying, for sadness, for anger, for giving up often, for being undiplomatic, for longing, for dreaming, for being lazy, for feeling saturated, for my temper, for being impulsive…looks like this list will never end… the bottomline is I am not in the best of moods intermittently....No! I am not moody!!

I proudly proclaim myself as someone who is self-motivated in my resume, which is true when it comes to my professional life. I don't need someone to goad me to do anything, for that matter. But, personally its a different story. Everything starts with sudden spurts of enthusiasm and then fades away...I made a post long back that I want to learn dance with so much spirit in me...but I never did anything about it. WHY?? what is stopping me?? There are so many other things like that I have wanted to...and for some reason, don't! Why do I need someone to goad me or motivate me? Why don't I have the inclination, spirit or the 'fire' in me? I am bored easily, as well...my attention span is very short, and I am restless...

I am hoping I have at least started acknowledging it. I hope to do something about 'ME' soon...

Touching!

Why?? I love the look on the dad's face!!! and of course, the baby's innocence...they look like angels especially when they are asleep...

uh..Customer....Who??

I am sure most of you will nod in agreement as you read this post. Most people in the service industry have no clue about what customer service is..forget servicing, they don't even dignify or acknowledge even the most courteous of customers!!! It is sad, but true that it is a torment to register a complaint with a customer care center via phone or in person.

Recently, I lost all my money, cards, mobile and my little world to a smart thief!( he snatched my bag, under the pretext of asking for directions, fact that I am such a loser when it comes to directions or topography is a different story altogether!) Bottomline: I lost everything. Since then, I have been trying to get my life back into order....and in the rigamarole of blocking, unblocking, editing, requesting, calling, registering...basically trying everything I can to get back to routine....

Last weekend, I went to an Airtel Customer Center, (and in the background, I could hear another customer badgering the executive to provide better service! ) with S and we waited patiently for our turn. In the mean while, another elderly 'gentleman' calls me and enquires about my complaint. I give him full details earnestly and wait for him to utter the magical solution. Instead, he says "Please go to "May I help you?" Counter...( Yeah, right dude...I CAN read...Just tell me, why the hell did you call me??)

The counter has two (why two?) girls with bored expressions and nonchalant attitude. Forget pleasing manners or polite conversation, they refuse to even acknowledge your presence!!! After a couple of hours, we finally managed to revive the account.

Apart from my daily chores, I have additional duties now - I call the banks, courier guys, all and sundry every day and follow-up like a marketing executive!!! Once when my broadband stopped working, I called atleast 30 times( am not exaggerating) in 7 days to revive my connection and they promise to get back to you in 24 hours. I made a grave mistake of subscribing to "Good Housekeeping" and have not got the issues in the same month...once! I call them every month as well, to enquire about my issue...as a result, they have lost one customer for life!!! I will NEVER ever take subscriptions!!!

ICICI bank takes the cake... all the executives who work in the bank, have such a sullen expression on their faces and show so much attitude that you feel like you are stealing someone's money and are being punished!!! We were there for 3 hours once, to get a draft and the lady on the counter was so mean, i wanted to slap her right there!!! Thanks to S, there was no violence there..

Sigh...wish people were more empathetic and atleast SMILE!!!!

As a kid...

1. If I ate oranges and swallowed the seeds by mistake, I would not drink water...I was scared that it would grow into plants in my stomach ( thanks to my brother's threats!)


2. My dad is the tallest and strongest man in the whold wide world ( My Daddy Strongest!)


3. When I am all grown up, I can wear high heels, have long painted nails and wear duppattas...and it was a big deal for me! ( now I know its no big deal and doesnt even matter!)


4. I wanted to marry a guy who has a factory of chocolates or icecreams or both ( S is sooooo much better than even chocolates and icecreams)


5. If you are naughty and behave badly, god curses you with babies ( actually, God blesses you with babies! :D)


6. when I attained puberty, I thought I had cancer ( talk about ignorance!)


7. I would rant and rave that I wanted to wear lipstick when we would go for weddings. ...and refuse to eat or close my mouth, so that it does't wear off!! ( Amma had a tough time convincing me to eat!)


8. I would look at Amma longingly, getting ready to go to work, all dressed up....and I could'nt wait to start working!!! (Little did I know...)


9. I would want to have a little brother/sister....on the condition that s/he never grows up and remains a baby forever...(yeah, right!!!)


10. I hated my brother and thought he was such a bully, like a lot of other people ( he is such a wonderful guy!! :D Love you, anna!)

Feeling Happy.... :-)

Feeling very happy for no reason today!...of course, S is back tomorrow :D He is my like my 'home sweet home', the love of my life...I know , I know, off late all my posts have been about S and I sound like a love-sick puppy!!! :-) Well, once he is back, I will get back to other things...he he..till then bear with me!!

Just a while ago, was talking to my mom and was telling her I feel like I am enlightened nowadays, I don't really bother about trivial things, they don't really bother me much anymore. I have realized and decided to focus on the 'larger picture'. Though, it sounds cliched, I have understood that in pursuit of satisfying unimportant things in life, I tend to miss the present and the blessings I have in various forms. God! I wholeheartedly thank you for everything you have given me so far in life. I feel contented!!

I am listening to some wonderful music, and feeling very upbeat and can't stop smiling!!! :-) Infact, am dancing as I write this post! Music is such a wonderful thing that can make you so happy or comfort you when you are feeling restless,isnt it?? I wish I could bring that kind of happiness to the people I love!!!

Life is so wonderful, with all its ups and downs, indeed...its wonderful!!! :D

Flashback...

My life is filled with good as well as bad memories...like everyone else!! Depending on my mood, I choose to mull over the past. I have come a long way, in every sense - physically, emotionally and personality-wise.

I understand my parents and value them much much more than I used to...Being a parent is a selfless act and my Amma/Appa have been the most wonderful , giving parents in every sense. I think, I will always be their little girl. Sometimes, I do say "I am not a kid anymore..." but I definitely look up to them for their unconditional love and support. My heart goes out to kids who have lost both or one of their parents in their early years. I can't imagine my life without my parents. Lots of people comment on my good upbringing, confidence and personality. I silently thank my parents for instilling that confidence in me....Appa is very proud of his little girl, he says and Amma goes through the same excitement and joy like I do, sad at all my tribulations.....I love you with all my heart, AMMA and APPA! :-)..I wish I could be as selfless and as giving as you are!!! Words do not suffice to express what I feel for you...its difficult to explain how i feel about you clearly..am at a loss of words

I had an interesting conversation with shyamala yesterday when we were talking about my SRM days ( my first job!). Work was like a picnic for me and I thoroughly enjoyed myself and the attention from all the guys too ( we were like, 'the one-eyed man is the king of the blind!). When you are young (read stupid) superficial things in life give more happiness and a sense of personal gratification. I liked that phase too..

I believe in enjoying every phase in life. I don't want to look back, i have no regrets. College, school, first job were all different phases and were nice. Married life, new people, new surroundings, new outlook, maturity are all recent developments and I really like this phase too...

'Change is the only constant in life'

Inspired 2 Blog!

Tess introduced me to the concept of blogging a few years back when I was in HP...and I got hooked on to it and would read a lot of blogs then, when I wanted a break or something from work! ....

Then, I started my own blog ( verbalism best expressed!) with the intention of improving my language and better communication, and now surprisingly, its my profession and for the nth time I am saying this, I LOVE it!

When I read my ex-manager, Anu's blog I realized its a wonderful medium to reminisce your fond memories about your loved ones. She would write entries about her little daughter and her precious memories with her child everyday! It was a joy to read her experience as a mother! Raaga writes her experiences as a single working woman in different cities, which is interesting too, especially for me, coz I have absolutely no idea how it is like...Also, when you read shyamala describe her childhood, you think "Hey! I did that too, or felt that way.." Lipstick is quite outspoken and has strong views, very poetic too...I learnt a new word from ritu's blog...vivify!!!! It has a good meaning....Its a whole new world here....and you feel like you are part of the same family, dont mean to sound cliched.... ( you know what I mean...) what i have mentioned here are just a few blogs, from the numerous ones I enjoy reading...

I like to write or express my thoughts here, so that some day I can look back and smile or ponder...cheers to blogging!!!

Something I learnt today...

I learnt that when you expect the worst from something, it might end up being a good thing, after all !!! Today, I had an interesting day...in what sense, you ask? well, I have taken up a new job in a new company and I had already made up my mind about the office and how I would have to cope with everything there....

But, surprisingly, the office is pretty good, people are really nice and the work is interesting too. I really enjoyed my time working and I realised it was not at all bad, after all!!! and didnt miss S too much like I usually do!!!

I know that 'Happiness is a state of mind' , and to hell with learn to find happiness within you and all that crap! Right now, my happy moments definitely start, if not end with S .I cant imagine how life would have been without my man! ! Yup! he is MY man! I sound possessive?? I care a damn, if i do! There are times, he does things that bring a lump in my throat. He has been my biggest strength in the worst of times, always smiling and my pillar of strength. Though, i hate to admit it, I am far more independent now, thanks to him. He has goaded me time and again, to be brave and not to deter! There are no words to describe what I feel for him.

I have been very angry with God for a certain incident in my life that i will carry to my grave. But, I cant thank you enough GOD for S! I love you with all heart, and like you always say "I love and accept you as you are and as you are not.." unconditionally, just like you do!

My appy Birthday!!!

I had the most wonderful birthday as ever...S was supposed to be travelling abroad the day before my birthday, and I was quite gloomy that he wont be there to spend it with me,but surprise, surprise!!! He was there with me the entire weekend "Princess Weekend"....all my wishes would come true and we did everything I wanted to do...

I got diamonds for my birthday which was a whooping surprise, and my finger is gleaming with it....

S is leaving today in the evening....and I shall wait in anticipation for his return!! Like these lyrics in the lovely song sung by Sona!

abhi nahi aana, sajna....abhi nahi aana...sajna!
mohe thoda marne de....intezaar karne de...

This time, some new friends wished me on my birthday....I had a wonderful day and I look forward to such good things this year!!! :-)

Discrimination??!!!

I am in-between jobs right now and have been attending interviews here and there...I am appalled at the kind of questions people ask, in their 'so called' rounds. In on of the interviews,she introduces herself as someone from recruitments, and chats me up for some time. I have an affable smile on my face and speak to her as cordially as possible. .....And then she goes, " So you have been married for 4 years now, so you will be keen to start a family, when do you plan to have a baby?? You know how girls are nowadays, either they get married or get pregnant...so are you going to tell me you are pregnant next month??".I want to scream out "That's none of your business!!!!" I dont want her to think i am insane or hysterical, so with great difficulty and a straight face, I try to smile and say "Dont you think you are getting too personal?" Dont get me wrong, am not being presumptuous here. I do understand that women have such personal commitments, and it can get difficult for the company to go through the whole recruitment rigamarole...but that doesnt mean you have the right to ask me blatant personal questions, and trivialise motherhood. Would you stay single and devote yourself to your current job for the rest of your life? If you would do that, its up to you...do what you want..rather, get a life!! :D ( btw, this topic alone continued for about 20 minutes...she asked me the same question in different ways!!!) This company works on saturdays, something I was not comfortable with...coz I have never worked on Saturdays so far...and will need to do a lot of adjusting in my personal life. So I had asked them if they are flexible about saturdays and if there is an option of working from home. This was something I had asked in the earlier round, so in the final round, one of the questions, the lady asks is that " You dont seem to be comfortable working on saturdays, so how can I be assured of 100 % commitment from you....wont you be thinking about your husband?" I wanted to laugh out loud. But I calmly answered that all of us are mature enough to balance our personal and professional lives well. Considering, I decide to take up this position, I am well aware of the Saturday-working part and would give my 100 % and work accordingly. ( I was thinking to myself, so does that mean that I wont think about my husband on other days!! Are you lost for a topic, or are you really being serious?? :D) A friend of mine was telling me that married women have been asked to certify that they are not pregnant at the time of joining their company. WHOA!!!!!! I am not a feminist in any sense, but what do you mean???? Single women will get married some time, married women will have kids sometime....does it mean it is the end of the world, in terms of their career?? It is a natural progression and even you wouldnt be here if your mom thought so! So quit being so silly and create an enviroment that truly provides fair and equal opportunity to both men as well as women. People are very funny and I am not really amused. I really hope I dont have to go through even more interesting conversations further...

BTW, I did'nt get that job, but I am joining somewhere else in a couple of days!! :-)

In a state of flux!!!

Weekend was very eventful, at the same time relaxed??!! confused?? so am I! I am absolutely in a state of flux, about what is ideal? I am waiting to see a lot of things settle down!! :-) So that i can move on confidently sans worries....

Had an interesting conversation with S, when we both went for a long drive ,late at night on a whim about forgiving someone...as they say, "To err is human, to forgive is divine". Well, I am definitely human!!! I can forget easily...forgiving is way too far!!!