What's with me??

I am very angry with myself….for a lot of reasons….for wallowing in self-pity, for not pushing myself enough, for feeling this discontentment, for being dependent on someone for happiness, for being ms.sunshine and ms.gloomy alternately, for crying, for sadness, for anger, for giving up often, for being undiplomatic, for longing, for dreaming, for being lazy, for feeling saturated, for my temper, for being impulsive…looks like this list will never end… the bottomline is I am not in the best of moods intermittently....No! I am not moody!!

I proudly proclaim myself as someone who is self-motivated in my resume, which is true when it comes to my professional life. I don't need someone to goad me to do anything, for that matter. But, personally its a different story. Everything starts with sudden spurts of enthusiasm and then fades away...I made a post long back that I want to learn dance with so much spirit in me...but I never did anything about it. WHY?? what is stopping me?? There are so many other things like that I have wanted to...and for some reason, don't! Why do I need someone to goad me or motivate me? Why don't I have the inclination, spirit or the 'fire' in me? I am bored easily, as well...my attention span is very short, and I am restless...

I am hoping I have at least started acknowledging it. I hope to do something about 'ME' soon...

Touching!

Why?? I love the look on the dad's face!!! and of course, the baby's innocence...they look like angels especially when they are asleep...

uh..Customer....Who??

I am sure most of you will nod in agreement as you read this post. Most people in the service industry have no clue about what customer service is..forget servicing, they don't even dignify or acknowledge even the most courteous of customers!!! It is sad, but true that it is a torment to register a complaint with a customer care center via phone or in person.

Recently, I lost all my money, cards, mobile and my little world to a smart thief!( he snatched my bag, under the pretext of asking for directions, fact that I am such a loser when it comes to directions or topography is a different story altogether!) Bottomline: I lost everything. Since then, I have been trying to get my life back into order....and in the rigamarole of blocking, unblocking, editing, requesting, calling, registering...basically trying everything I can to get back to routine....

Last weekend, I went to an Airtel Customer Center, (and in the background, I could hear another customer badgering the executive to provide better service! ) with S and we waited patiently for our turn. In the mean while, another elderly 'gentleman' calls me and enquires about my complaint. I give him full details earnestly and wait for him to utter the magical solution. Instead, he says "Please go to "May I help you?" Counter...( Yeah, right dude...I CAN read...Just tell me, why the hell did you call me??)

The counter has two (why two?) girls with bored expressions and nonchalant attitude. Forget pleasing manners or polite conversation, they refuse to even acknowledge your presence!!! After a couple of hours, we finally managed to revive the account.

Apart from my daily chores, I have additional duties now - I call the banks, courier guys, all and sundry every day and follow-up like a marketing executive!!! Once when my broadband stopped working, I called atleast 30 times( am not exaggerating) in 7 days to revive my connection and they promise to get back to you in 24 hours. I made a grave mistake of subscribing to "Good Housekeeping" and have not got the issues in the same month...once! I call them every month as well, to enquire about my issue...as a result, they have lost one customer for life!!! I will NEVER ever take subscriptions!!!

ICICI bank takes the cake... all the executives who work in the bank, have such a sullen expression on their faces and show so much attitude that you feel like you are stealing someone's money and are being punished!!! We were there for 3 hours once, to get a draft and the lady on the counter was so mean, i wanted to slap her right there!!! Thanks to S, there was no violence there..

Sigh...wish people were more empathetic and atleast SMILE!!!!

As a kid...

1. If I ate oranges and swallowed the seeds by mistake, I would not drink water...I was scared that it would grow into plants in my stomach ( thanks to my brother's threats!)


2. My dad is the tallest and strongest man in the whold wide world ( My Daddy Strongest!)


3. When I am all grown up, I can wear high heels, have long painted nails and wear duppattas...and it was a big deal for me! ( now I know its no big deal and doesnt even matter!)


4. I wanted to marry a guy who has a factory of chocolates or icecreams or both ( S is sooooo much better than even chocolates and icecreams)


5. If you are naughty and behave badly, god curses you with babies ( actually, God blesses you with babies! :D)


6. when I attained puberty, I thought I had cancer ( talk about ignorance!)


7. I would rant and rave that I wanted to wear lipstick when we would go for weddings. ...and refuse to eat or close my mouth, so that it does't wear off!! ( Amma had a tough time convincing me to eat!)


8. I would look at Amma longingly, getting ready to go to work, all dressed up....and I could'nt wait to start working!!! (Little did I know...)


9. I would want to have a little brother/sister....on the condition that s/he never grows up and remains a baby forever...(yeah, right!!!)


10. I hated my brother and thought he was such a bully, like a lot of other people ( he is such a wonderful guy!! :D Love you, anna!)

Feeling Happy.... :-)

Feeling very happy for no reason today!...of course, S is back tomorrow :D He is my like my 'home sweet home', the love of my life...I know , I know, off late all my posts have been about S and I sound like a love-sick puppy!!! :-) Well, once he is back, I will get back to other things...he he..till then bear with me!!

Just a while ago, was talking to my mom and was telling her I feel like I am enlightened nowadays, I don't really bother about trivial things, they don't really bother me much anymore. I have realized and decided to focus on the 'larger picture'. Though, it sounds cliched, I have understood that in pursuit of satisfying unimportant things in life, I tend to miss the present and the blessings I have in various forms. God! I wholeheartedly thank you for everything you have given me so far in life. I feel contented!!

I am listening to some wonderful music, and feeling very upbeat and can't stop smiling!!! :-) Infact, am dancing as I write this post! Music is such a wonderful thing that can make you so happy or comfort you when you are feeling restless,isnt it?? I wish I could bring that kind of happiness to the people I love!!!

Life is so wonderful, with all its ups and downs, indeed...its wonderful!!! :D

Flashback...

My life is filled with good as well as bad memories...like everyone else!! Depending on my mood, I choose to mull over the past. I have come a long way, in every sense - physically, emotionally and personality-wise.

I understand my parents and value them much much more than I used to...Being a parent is a selfless act and my Amma/Appa have been the most wonderful , giving parents in every sense. I think, I will always be their little girl. Sometimes, I do say "I am not a kid anymore..." but I definitely look up to them for their unconditional love and support. My heart goes out to kids who have lost both or one of their parents in their early years. I can't imagine my life without my parents. Lots of people comment on my good upbringing, confidence and personality. I silently thank my parents for instilling that confidence in me....Appa is very proud of his little girl, he says and Amma goes through the same excitement and joy like I do, sad at all my tribulations.....I love you with all my heart, AMMA and APPA! :-)..I wish I could be as selfless and as giving as you are!!! Words do not suffice to express what I feel for you...its difficult to explain how i feel about you clearly..am at a loss of words

I had an interesting conversation with shyamala yesterday when we were talking about my SRM days ( my first job!). Work was like a picnic for me and I thoroughly enjoyed myself and the attention from all the guys too ( we were like, 'the one-eyed man is the king of the blind!). When you are young (read stupid) superficial things in life give more happiness and a sense of personal gratification. I liked that phase too..

I believe in enjoying every phase in life. I don't want to look back, i have no regrets. College, school, first job were all different phases and were nice. Married life, new people, new surroundings, new outlook, maturity are all recent developments and I really like this phase too...

'Change is the only constant in life'

Inspired 2 Blog!

Tess introduced me to the concept of blogging a few years back when I was in HP...and I got hooked on to it and would read a lot of blogs then, when I wanted a break or something from work! ....

Then, I started my own blog ( verbalism best expressed!) with the intention of improving my language and better communication, and now surprisingly, its my profession and for the nth time I am saying this, I LOVE it!

When I read my ex-manager, Anu's blog I realized its a wonderful medium to reminisce your fond memories about your loved ones. She would write entries about her little daughter and her precious memories with her child everyday! It was a joy to read her experience as a mother! Raaga writes her experiences as a single working woman in different cities, which is interesting too, especially for me, coz I have absolutely no idea how it is like...Also, when you read shyamala describe her childhood, you think "Hey! I did that too, or felt that way.." Lipstick is quite outspoken and has strong views, very poetic too...I learnt a new word from ritu's blog...vivify!!!! It has a good meaning....Its a whole new world here....and you feel like you are part of the same family, dont mean to sound cliched.... ( you know what I mean...) what i have mentioned here are just a few blogs, from the numerous ones I enjoy reading...

I like to write or express my thoughts here, so that some day I can look back and smile or ponder...cheers to blogging!!!

Something I learnt today...

I learnt that when you expect the worst from something, it might end up being a good thing, after all !!! Today, I had an interesting day...in what sense, you ask? well, I have taken up a new job in a new company and I had already made up my mind about the office and how I would have to cope with everything there....

But, surprisingly, the office is pretty good, people are really nice and the work is interesting too. I really enjoyed my time working and I realised it was not at all bad, after all!!! and didnt miss S too much like I usually do!!!

I know that 'Happiness is a state of mind' , and to hell with learn to find happiness within you and all that crap! Right now, my happy moments definitely start, if not end with S .I cant imagine how life would have been without my man! ! Yup! he is MY man! I sound possessive?? I care a damn, if i do! There are times, he does things that bring a lump in my throat. He has been my biggest strength in the worst of times, always smiling and my pillar of strength. Though, i hate to admit it, I am far more independent now, thanks to him. He has goaded me time and again, to be brave and not to deter! There are no words to describe what I feel for him.

I have been very angry with God for a certain incident in my life that i will carry to my grave. But, I cant thank you enough GOD for S! I love you with all heart, and like you always say "I love and accept you as you are and as you are not.." unconditionally, just like you do!

My appy Birthday!!!

I had the most wonderful birthday as ever...S was supposed to be travelling abroad the day before my birthday, and I was quite gloomy that he wont be there to spend it with me,but surprise, surprise!!! He was there with me the entire weekend "Princess Weekend"....all my wishes would come true and we did everything I wanted to do...

I got diamonds for my birthday which was a whooping surprise, and my finger is gleaming with it....

S is leaving today in the evening....and I shall wait in anticipation for his return!! Like these lyrics in the lovely song sung by Sona!

abhi nahi aana, sajna....abhi nahi aana...sajna!
mohe thoda marne de....intezaar karne de...

This time, some new friends wished me on my birthday....I had a wonderful day and I look forward to such good things this year!!! :-)

Discrimination??!!!

I am in-between jobs right now and have been attending interviews here and there...I am appalled at the kind of questions people ask, in their 'so called' rounds. In on of the interviews,she introduces herself as someone from recruitments, and chats me up for some time. I have an affable smile on my face and speak to her as cordially as possible. .....And then she goes, " So you have been married for 4 years now, so you will be keen to start a family, when do you plan to have a baby?? You know how girls are nowadays, either they get married or get pregnant...so are you going to tell me you are pregnant next month??".I want to scream out "That's none of your business!!!!" I dont want her to think i am insane or hysterical, so with great difficulty and a straight face, I try to smile and say "Dont you think you are getting too personal?" Dont get me wrong, am not being presumptuous here. I do understand that women have such personal commitments, and it can get difficult for the company to go through the whole recruitment rigamarole...but that doesnt mean you have the right to ask me blatant personal questions, and trivialise motherhood. Would you stay single and devote yourself to your current job for the rest of your life? If you would do that, its up to you...do what you want..rather, get a life!! :D ( btw, this topic alone continued for about 20 minutes...she asked me the same question in different ways!!!) This company works on saturdays, something I was not comfortable with...coz I have never worked on Saturdays so far...and will need to do a lot of adjusting in my personal life. So I had asked them if they are flexible about saturdays and if there is an option of working from home. This was something I had asked in the earlier round, so in the final round, one of the questions, the lady asks is that " You dont seem to be comfortable working on saturdays, so how can I be assured of 100 % commitment from you....wont you be thinking about your husband?" I wanted to laugh out loud. But I calmly answered that all of us are mature enough to balance our personal and professional lives well. Considering, I decide to take up this position, I am well aware of the Saturday-working part and would give my 100 % and work accordingly. ( I was thinking to myself, so does that mean that I wont think about my husband on other days!! Are you lost for a topic, or are you really being serious?? :D) A friend of mine was telling me that married women have been asked to certify that they are not pregnant at the time of joining their company. WHOA!!!!!! I am not a feminist in any sense, but what do you mean???? Single women will get married some time, married women will have kids sometime....does it mean it is the end of the world, in terms of their career?? It is a natural progression and even you wouldnt be here if your mom thought so! So quit being so silly and create an enviroment that truly provides fair and equal opportunity to both men as well as women. People are very funny and I am not really amused. I really hope I dont have to go through even more interesting conversations further...

BTW, I did'nt get that job, but I am joining somewhere else in a couple of days!! :-)

In a state of flux!!!

Weekend was very eventful, at the same time relaxed??!! confused?? so am I! I am absolutely in a state of flux, about what is ideal? I am waiting to see a lot of things settle down!! :-) So that i can move on confidently sans worries....

Had an interesting conversation with S, when we both went for a long drive ,late at night on a whim about forgiving someone...as they say, "To err is human, to forgive is divine". Well, I am definitely human!!! I can forget easily...forgiving is way too far!!!

Instant Pick-me-ups!!!

• Mann vaasanai ( the smell of earth,immediately after it rains!)
• Warm embraces from amma/appa
• Snuggling up with S
• To see S after a long day at work!
• Wet kisses from babies
• Compliments from anybody about how good I look ( narcissist, you say, of course I am!)
• Hear a child's full-throated laughter ( its genuine and innocent, no pretence)
• Long chats with close friends over the phone/chat/e-mail, anything will do
• Old photographs of childhood memories
• S giving me loving smiles when I am in my 'crazy' moods
• Mindlessly fooling around with S ( dirty minds, just harmless little games we invent!)
• Get ready and go to school/college, only to find that it is closed
• Getting up late in the morning that there is no office to rush to, puts me in a super mood
• Reading M&Bs, mindless reading relaxes me where its a perfect world and loads of romance ( I am a die-hard mushy romantic to the core!)
• Soaked up in water (Besant nagar beach)
• Loads of attention, especially from good looking and witty guys ( those were the days... :D, now I have that from my one and only dude!!)
• Thayir sadam, vetha kuzhambu and urulakizhangu roast
• Nice haircut /hairstyle
• Anything new ....clothes, ear rings, shoes, artefact, new curtains, nailpolish, anything insignificant but new!
• Rasamalai, chocolates with nuts and icecreams ( all should be fat-free, if that's possible!)
• Lots of cool water ( really, water lifts my spirits)

My wonderful INDIA!

What is it with us??? Why do we underestimate ourselves?? Everytime I hear someone say 'bloody Indians' when they are irritated or impatient waiting somewhere or for any bloody reason, my blood boils. I want to say, "what the hell are you?" How are you helping India to be a better place than any one else. How refined are your manners? Do you really care to keep your country clean?? Puuuulllllhhhhhlllllleeeeeeeeeeezeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Why are we so ashamed of ourselves? Our dear India is so beautiful, in every sense!!! She has a rich culture, endowed with fabulous history and legendary ancestors! ....and what do we do??

I have nothing against westerners or their culture, but i was just watching 'Roadies' on MTV. I felt so sad, where our youngsters priorities lie! Why cant we promote something that is our culture, at the same time a lot of fun. The girls are more interested in showing skin and using swear words and what not, I dont even want to mention the guys!!! Of course, to each his own!!! sometimes, that's the whole problem!!

While the rest of the world resorts to India-originated Yoga, our culture and everything else, we on the other hand, are losing it!! (Dont get me wrong, I do enjoy and appreciate the culture, beauty and uniqueness of every country, but I dont believe in putting down my country to praise another one! )Yes, we are losing it! We dont need to lose our identity to adopt and ape someone else for the heck of it, sans meaning!

I am a proud Indian!!! We have such wonderful things to be proud of....Can anybody dance as gracefully as our Indian Classical Dancers? Is any other music as soothing and divine as ours?? Can you find any of the so-called-herbal creams as effective as our natural beauty treatments, that our moms and grandma practised and recommended?? Many of my friends and relatives abroad are more appreciative of India and everything 'home'ly. Does it mean we understand the value of our country, only after we leave and are living in a foreign land either by choice or circumstances??!!!

I dont know, I really dont know.....BUT I wont give up! I will always love my country and do every bit to show how beautiful my country is! India is a wonderful country endowed with all the natural beauty and with the right marketing, we will rule the world !!!!

WYSIWYG!

What you see is what you get!!!! Its very true when it comes to me!! I have no hidden meaning in my words and actions. I am very outspoken! I am hyper-sensitive, am extremely emotional. I get hurt very easily. Period.

S used to tell me very often, that "you dont get hurt, unless you let yourself to be"! And i was like, Yeah! Right....you would know if someone was hurtful to you. But now I have realized that it IS possible to shut out the negative vibrations you get from people by simply ignoring them. Just dont give them so much importance to have the power to hurt you. Sometimes, people are so ignorant that they dont even realize that their words are hurting someone. I try and be as positive as possible. It really helps.

When I am upset or disturbed, i just listen to good music, it has a wonderfully calming effect. It also helps not to think about anything too much. Just take life as it comes, who knows, it might hold a plethora of joy and for all you know, you are missing the simple pleasures in life, at present!!! :-)

I love life and all those people who share it with me...Cheers to optimists!!! :D

Are you tactful??!!

What has this world come to?? Do any of us bother to think before we speak??....I am baffled by a few who remain absolutely tactless!!! They just say whatever pops into their minds...rather mouths!! However, detached or balanced or practical or say what you want, s/he is bound to get hurt by insinuating comments or words or actions.

When i hear someone making hurtful comments to a friend or someone I know, I wonder how many times I have done that unknowingly or knowingly. I feel BAD. I do know how inconsiderate people can be, and how hurting it is when somebody speaks to you without giving a thought to the other's reactions or feelings.

What is a topic of discussion or gossip or time pass for one, might be a vulnerable aspect of another's life. I dont mean to be a prude and say that you cant just have fun or be witty. Just dont go over the top, to the point of offending the "subject", so to speak!

So, another step towards being a better person....Be Considerate of other's feelings. Try not to offend anyone by your actions or words!!

Tangents mode!

That's how i would describe my thoughts and sometimes, the way I speak. 'Random thoughts' are what I have in my mind...I have so much to say or pen down that when i actually sit down to write them....there are so many that finally i cant remember what i wanted to say. Even when i talk to someone, I am gushing with so much to say that I tend to speak in tangents, and even say so!!!

Sometimes, I wonder if I am the only one, who is so gung-ho about self-respect? I am very outspoken. I have always been...I cant imagine myself doing or saying something in fear! I dont mean to say I am fearless...I do have my fears of say, insects or yucky stuff, rejection, disappointment, anger. But I am never scared to speak my mind. I am not scared about what someone will think of me, if i say this? NO! And I have learnt that if you stick to your principles and beliefs, even if people make fun of you or ridicule you in person, sub-consciously they will respect you for it. If they refuse to do so, I believe it is their loss, and will someday, learn to accept an individual as an indivudual ( by the way, 'An individual is an individual' is something i say very often!)

I have also learnt the hard way round that you cannot please everyone!!! After a point of time, it is YOUR life! YOU have to make your choices and own up to your mistakes! You cannot live life on other's terms. As long as you dont hurt someone intentionally and your conscience is clear, its important to do or speak what you feel.I dont mean to generalise, but to a large extent, women look for approval from everyone about everything and everyone in their lives. Of course, certain important decisions in life need to be made in consent with your loved ones. But to live a life of constant approval from someone can take its toll on you , both physically and emotionally. I find it exasperating to see such people in life and you can slowly see my foot moving towards my mouth... :D

Something to Inspire me and others!

Learning Phase!!!!

I am really excited about all the new changes happening in my life... whether I made good decisions or bad decisions , needs to be seen??!! Anyways, I never go back on my decisions....I am mature enough to stand by them! ;-)

A few learnings:

• I am learning to savour every moment
• I am learning to let go , things that need to go off my mind
• I am learning to learn
• I am learning to drive my car more confidently
• I am learning to embrace myself
• I am learning to be happy for the things I have, and things other dont
• I am learning to appreciate the choices I have, while other don't
• I am learning to detach myself from 'ME'
• I am learning to be more empathetic
• I am learning to accept changes in life, for all you know, it might be good for me
• I am learning to take each day as it comes. It has a certain excitement when you dont know what is to come or expect
• I am learning to be patient
• I am learning to be more considerate
• I am constantly learning to be a better human being!!!
  

I am all excited!

Ohhhhhhh I just can’t express how happy I am….and cant stop pinching myself to ensure that am not dreaming! I am the proud owner of a super hi-fi, sleek laptop and I already am madly in love with her. I have always wanted to have a laptop, makes me feel all important and nice! I am sure I sound silly and maybe materialistic? Well, I guess I am!!! J . I love S with all my heart and thank God for him everyday. I love the way he is soo genuinely happy for my small successes and is forever looking for small ways to see me happy. When I see him, I am bursting with love that I cant contain myself.

‘Happiness is a state of mind’. This is something I totally agree with… Coz I am like a switch that goes on and off on a click. I can be all happy one minute and become all sad next minute and come to happy mode in a few minutes….Wow! You say? He he … I know… ;-)

I am reading a 1000 page book, titled ‘Shantaram’. It has been written by a person called Gregory David Roberts, who is an escaped convict from Australia. He has taken 13 times to write this book, which details his entire life in India and his experiences in India, his emotions , pain and lots of experiences in detail. Hats off to that man! When you read the book, you realize what insipid lives we live and complain about trivial issues and grumble in life about lack of luxuries when there are other people who live a life of torture, pain, hunger and that too in miserable circumstances. My experiences and pain paled in comparison.

I have a laptop!!!!! :D …and its all mine!!!!! :D :D :D…She is like my personal hi-tech diary who sings, talks and clicks pictures too.

Introspection Time!

We humans are an interesting lot, are'nt we? A myriad of emotions !Its an emotional roller coaster ride. I am so amused by how people behave, react and talk and what makes them say the things they say and do the things they do.. Personally, I am an emphatic person, not afraid in any sense to speak my mind, either at work or in my personal life. Sometimes, it has landed me in trouble and am branded as "arrogant". Any sane person would learn from their mistakes and maintain silence. Be warned, am not the type who voices her opinion about anything and everything... I speak my mind when required, while someone though wanting to say something would not, due to fear of being judged, fear of acceptance or any reason. I have never ever been like that. Always the one to ask questions in class, college, workplace. I cannot do something for the sake of doing it. I must know why I am doing it. That is the way it should be! I am proud of the way I am...its not arrogance, its called CONFIDENCE! Any insecurity or fear stems from lack of confidence. I am not being judgemental, but the way an individual shapes up is immensely dependent on how s/he has been brought up, surroundings and many other influencing factors at an early age. I have the benefit of a secure home,loving parents and a happy childhood. But there are others, who have grown in fear of someone or something and end up being insecure about everything and everyone....So I am one of those blessed souls! You learn very important lessons in life when you ask the pertinent Question - WHY? Introspection is something all of us must do periodically in our lives. There are times, when I have said something in anger, without giving some thought to it and regret it badly at a later point of time. Maybe, If I had been calmer, I would not have hurt someone, had a good relationship.... Now! When I get angry, I simply dont utter a word. I just keep quiet or divert myself with something else. It has helped! Anger is an emotion which is so strong that it is uncontrollable. The day you learn to control your emotions like a switch, you are no longer human, you are DIVINE! ;-) I am angry now....so diverting myself with a post on the blog!! :-) Welcome to the world of HUMANS...lol