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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Thinking aloud...

When I created this blog, I did'nt really think or intend for a lot of people to read it, just thought of it as an online journal and hence the inane title and screen-name...I did'nt give it too much thought. Interestingly, friends who read my blog nowadays seem to refer to me as 'prettywoman' and it brings a smile on my face! :)

Some time back, I saw an interview of the gorgeous Actress Goldie Hawn, she has a certain child-like enthusiasm in her that is adorable. She said that when her mother died....80% in her did too....She said " I thought to myself - who would I want to make proud now? ". That is EXACTLY how I feel about my parents - both Amma and Appa. Fortunately, my parents are here with me and by God's grace and blessings, I hope they will be with me for a long time to come....But I think of them every single day in every little thing I do...and rush to call Amma to give her all the little tiny details of my life with as much description as possible.


I think I am still their 'little girl' - I know that's how it is from every parent's eyes! In my case, I'd rather remain that and not grow up! I still revel in their pride and feel deliriously happy when I make them proud, especially when they tell me so often that I do! :) Noone else's opinion matters as much!

Off late, I have heard of so many young people who have died suddenly, 21, 23 and 30 years old - an accident, a sudden illness and I can't stop thinking about how unfulfilled souls they would be...their unrealised dreams, love, places they have never been to, unfulfilled desires...I find it difficult to explain the anguish I feel for them...often, people console you that they are in a better place...but I fervently wish God had given them more time!

One of them was a friend who would talk to me very often about her personal life and she also told me that she would have noone to talk to, as I was relocating to a different city. We tried to remain in touch through the distance and she had been through a difficult relationship, divorced and was really looking forward to love, a new life...new beginnings....it haunts me that she did'nt live long enough to enjoy the good things in life...she did not live life fully...I wonder what went through her mind...

Once, I read on someone's wall on facebook that " Never tell your problems to anyone ...20% don't really care and the other 80% are really glad you have them". I personally think that its a very cynical way of looking at it and fact remains that nobody can really solve your problems. I don't want to be cynical or bitter, I would like to believe that there is goodness in everyone. If the problems are within your control, try to solve them and if they are out of your control, I normally pray to God. That's all I can do and I strongly believe he knows what is best for us...have to admit that its difficult to remain optimistic and cheerful ALL the time...I do have my days! :) But I jump back to action pretty soon...I don't stay sad for too long, simply because it takes little things to make me happy :) and Of course, I have a fantastic support system. Amma's positive words and vibrant nature always makes me feel much better and I feel hopeful.

Many of my friends feel comfortable enough with me to share their very personal things or problems and I am glad that I can be someone they can trust...for a long time, I would always ruminate and try to think of a solution to their problem...then I realized that when I go talk to S or Amma about something that troublles me, do I expect a solution? I don't , I just want to vent...that's all. So I got my answer. I am very well aware that we all have to fight our individual battles but its easier when you have someone who is a good moral support and is generally optimistic about everything...the positive energy is infectious and renews hope in you.

A friend in college once told me that she feels that I am like water in a jug! Apparently, I adapt myself to my surroundings and people as water does to the jug or any container that holds it! Being a piscean, I do love water - be it the beach or tears! Both S and my brother make fun of me...especially if we are watching an emotional scene or a sad movie...coz I am always in tears!!

Last but not the least thought in my mind...is that if someone looks me up and down on the street or when I am out...the first thing that crosses my mind is " Damn! Are my pants unzipped?" and I check! :D

What are YOU thinking about?

22 comments:

AswathiBabu said...

very very nice
wishing you a nice day...

Rajagopal said...

you read philosophical

Pretty Woman said...

Aswathi,

Thank you :) Wish you a lovely day too...

Pretty Woman said...

Appa,

I guess I am growing up....emotionally! :)

Lavs said...

Why suddenly all this??

Pretty Woman said...

Lavs,

I don't know how to answer your question...they are all different thoughts running in my mind :)

SV said...

this is called "stream of consciousness" writing - writing down whereever your mind wanders. makes for good reading when you try to interpret what the writer actually wants to say only to realize that he/ she was simply writing down his/ her thoughts...

Pretty Woman said...

SV,

You nailed it!...its as simple as that...

lipstick said...

Yes I am totally with you on people leaving the world too soon...It seems unfair to them and others around them. Everyone has to wait and get their term in DUE time....when someone dies young, it feels as if TIME is cheat.

Pretty Woman said...

lipstick,

...makes you realize that everything is momentary in life and you must enjoy every moment and people in your life....always!

Shruthi said...

Janani!
I love this post of yours and I totally love your freestyle writing. Really.
It's incredible that you manage to retain your fervour for life day in and day out.
*hi5*

Pretty Woman said...

Shruthi,

thank you so much :) I am glad that my blog truly reflects how I feel...

homecooked said...

Very deep haan :) But I love reading insights of different people. Its nice to read someone who is clear about her goals and dreams. I dont think I can do that.

Pretty Woman said...

Homecooked,

Once in a while, I do get serious! Guilty as charged!!!

Haddock said...

All said and done, for all parents, the kids are still kids even if they (the kids) have crossed fifty.
By the way Goldie Hawn was a great actress.

Pretty Woman said...

Haddock,

:) Absolutely! Off late, I have realized that not everyone is as lucky to have wonderful parents....you are a new visitor on the blog!

Always Happy said...

Very nice, but i tend to agree with your friend who posted on facebook that wen u share ur problem with the world, 20% dont care and rest of them are glad u have had it.....i necessarily dont agree wit the ratio...but i have felt the same wen i have had problems in life....

Anyway, very nice write up...keep it up

Pretty Woman said...

Always Happy,

I believe you have to fight your own battles...noone can solve them for you...but friends and family can provide the moral and emotional support! :)

chitra said...

loved reading this one. like u, i always believe, not because i try to, but because that's what comes naturally to me...and find that way more often than not, people show more kindness than is expected or even deserved...:)

Pretty Woman said...

chitra,

I strongly believe..."if you are nice to someone, they are nice back to you..."....nothing else! I believe everybody is "good"....we are all born good...sometimes, things change with circumstances...but we are ALL good :)

Gowri said...

Hi Janani,
It might look absurd that you are seeing a comment to your blog which was written so long back. I missed reading your blogs for almost 2 years now, and today i have read each of those blogs. I enjoyed reading all of them. I am so glad i get to read your blogs; it makes me introspect about myself. Though i haven't met you or spoken to you, i feel connected to you; dont know why! :) Maybe its the goodness in you which attracts so many people. As one of the visitors to your blog rightly wrote, each of your blogs reflects the inner beauty in you. I am a big fan of your blogs! This one was very good. May you write many more such posts and may it help many more people to connect to you! Thanks for posting :)

Pretty Woman said...

Gowri,

First of all, thanks a ton for leaving such a thoughtful and heartfelt comment! You made my day...i am glad you feel connected to me in some way, I am so happy that you can relate to me. Thank you once again, I really appreciate your kind words! :)