Is MY happiness OTHER's state of mind?

Why do we all (especially yours truly!) see happiness confined to a few milestones? good job, get married, buy a house, have kids, have another kid, save-enough-to-have-an-independent-life, children well settled, etc. etc...well, I am sure everyone would say 'well, that is the natural course that life takes for everyone!!'. My point is why can't it be different? Why am I answerable or questioned about each milestone at every point of time? Does it matter at all to anybody what really makes me happy? Most importantly, Do I know what really makes me happy?? In pursuit of reaching these milestones, more so due to pressures from peers, parents, neighbours...even strangers, all my attention is on the 'standard milestones set by others' that I forget to enjoy the simple pleasures and joy of life.

I had an epiphany (shruthi's fav. word!) and since then, have changed a lot from my previous self and have learnt to let go of myself. I think we are all conditioned to think that it is most important to think about others and please them than thinking about or caring about yourself. There were times I would feel guilty about being happy with S, away from my parents. Now, I know its silly. At the same time, I also think you want something to happen coz the person you love wants the same things too,more fervently than you do and succumb to it. But isnt that conditional love ( if such a word exists, but you get the drift, right?)

I am judgemental. PERIOD. I think its my basic nature, coz I dont seem to be able to change that about me :). I have judged people who choose to remain single and not marry at all or at couples who decide not to have children for whatever reason and so on. When I think about it, maybe that makes them happy. Who knows? It is important to respect their decision just like how I would like to be respected for mine.

S once told me 'You dont get hurt unless you want to get hurt'. I scoffed. I hate to admit now that it is indeed true. Over time, you learn to filter some people from your life and for your own good, its best to have positive people around you who revel in your happiness and accomplishments and at the same time, help you move on with life. But when you are young and raw, and have no idea of how cynical and cruel words can be, it comes as a shock that shakes you up...

Amma tells me ' Nobody is worth suffering!' Amen to that!!