This day last year...

1.    Click here to read the first post ( first month!)

2.    Click here to read the second post ( second month!)

3.    Click here to read the third post ( third month!)

4.    Click here to read the fourth post ( fourth month!)

5.    Click here to read the fifth post ( fifth month!) - my brother pens his thoughts here.

6.    Click here to read the sixth post ( sixth month)

7.    Click here to read the seventh post ( seventh month)

8.    Click here to read the eighth post (eighth month)

9.    Click here to read the ninth post ( ninth month)

10.  Click here to read the tenth post ( tenth month)

11.  Click here to read the eleventh post ( eleventh month) - my brother shares more...

 

  "I was never ready for you to leave..."'

Its exactly been a year since Appa passed away. I strongly believed, hoped and was so sure that I would be in Madras with my family, with Amma and Anna. God has other plans, life has other plans...I know, there's a reason that I am not aware of, right now....

I think I am still not ready to go home, to a home from where Appa won't come out to greet me or hug me. I think I still need some time to accept that, that's one reason for sure! 

I also firmly believe Appa is always with me, whether I am in India or Hong Kong, or anywhere in the world. I have an implicit faith and strong feeling now, that he is always within me, around me. That will never change, its reassuring, and it took me a long time to acknowledge that or identify that. 

Having said that, I also feel like a changed person, internally. I am much quieter than usual. I don't think its necessary to share everything with everyone or the need to talk constantly, a bit like Appa! ha ha ...I am sure its a welcome change for the people around me. We can all enjoy the silence a bit now...a part of me died with him. That will never change....even with time.

• I still tear up when I write this blog...
• I visualize him smiling, always ALWAYS asking me If I need something? a cup of tea? ...
• I miss his strong support, guiding me when I am down or stressed,,,in his own tough love kind of way...just a phone call away, even if I was not with him physically...
• I talk to Amma or Anna about him often....we share our stories together or anything that reminds us of him...
• I dream of him quite often and he is always very much alive, as if he were in my life....forever...
• I talk about him incessantly, and tend to bring him up in random conversations about my memories with him or what he would do for me...I will not apologize for it...I will always talk about him...
• I chance upon a handwritten label or note from him...and I tear up...
• I miss him when I see someone's father. I fervently hope that someone's father stays healthy and happy...
• I still cry uncontrollably at times...I know its ok....
• I also felt really touched and happy to hear a lot of stories about him from my cousins, loved ones and friends who knew Appa closely...
• It was reassuring to hear that Appa's siblings often check on Amma and talk to her regularly...
• I often cry or get upset about Appa, and I have S, Aaradhya, Amma, Anna and so many others who understand and listen...try to cheer me up in their own way ( I am sure they feel the same way or worse about losing Appa)
• Aaradhya will run from whatever she's doing..if she can see that I am sad or my eyes are moist. she can sense it every single time. I am grateful for all of them, these wonderful people I am blessed with. 

This is a glass painting I did for him...I copied it from a picture of him...Sadly, he broke it by accident and I was so upset with him. I am glad I clicked a picture on the phone, it's now on the blog...

 "Be the things you loved most about the people who are gone..."

I had asked Appa to write me a letter casually one day while we spoke on the phone. Amma tells me he wrote sincerely for days together like it was a serious assignment! True to his nature, he delivered on his promise and the letter reached me within a week. I have the letter, safely ensconced in my locker as its  my most treasured gift and memory of him. Maybe, I had an instinct.., I don't know...

Anyway, he said that he was very proud of the woman I have grown into, and what he loves most about me is that I have a golden heart, innocent and full of earnest love for everyone. His words, not mine...I hope to retain that " golden heart".

I pray a lot more, not as much as him, but as he would say, not always asking for something but just with gratitude. I do pray with gratitude and thank god for all his blessings.

I want to help many people in whatever way I can...financially, emotionally or just being there for them.

He asked me to always have a good bond with Anna coz he is my family after them. I will always do that, I will do my best to be there for him.

I strongly want to believe in this...

" Those we love don't go away. they walk beside us and reside within us everyday...maybe unseen or unheard but always near. Still loved, still missed and very dear..."

Appa and his Myriad Interests

1. Click here to read the first post ( first month!)
2. Click here to read the second post ( second month!)
3. Click here to read the third post ( third month!)
4. Click here to read the fourth post ( fourth month!)
5. Click here to read the fifth post ( fifth month!) - my brother pens his thoughts here.
6. Click here to read the sixth post ( sixth month)
7. Click here to read the seventh post ( seventh month)
8. Click here to read the eighth post (eigth month)
9. Click here to read the ninth post ( ninth month)
10. Click here to read the tenth post ( tenth month)

Anna is the fortunate sibling who has lived with my parents all his life and I repeat myself when I say this but I envy him for this aspect. Living together in close quarters, they have a shared bond, interests and have spent some quality together. He writes about light and happy incidents he remembers...this month.

Appa and Anna at his wedding, 2011.

All of us know Appa as a strict disciplinarian with a no-nonsense attitude.  People assume his interests are limited to his religious pursuits; however interestingly, Appa had a varied set of interests which will surprise most of us.  I will try and put it across.

Appa and Music

All of us know Appa had a great ear for Music...ardent Carnatic music Fan, he could not sing but had a great interest in music.  He used to tell us how in his younger days ( he was about 11 or so) would walk upto 10 -15 kms to listen to popular musicians who would sing all through the night and he would come back and slip into the thinnai. ( refers to a raised platform outside the entrance of the house).

Appa also loved Film Music both Tamil and Hindi; his favourite singer was T.M. Soundarrajan.  He used to have boxes and boxes of cassettes of film songs of TMS.  He would ask me to download songs on a USB.  He also had a great collection of old hindi music - Rafi, Kishore kumar, Asha, Latha, RD, SD, Madan Mohan.  You would see him sitting in his room playing these old songs.  He was choosy of the songs as well.  He would not record, or download the entire album, he would patiently sit with me on selecting the songs to be downloaded. I often used to make fun of him saying, “Record panikirel yeppo ketu mudipelo” ( you record so much, when do you actually listen?)and he would jokingly say "neenga yenna thaniya vitta thane" ( only when you guys leave me alone!!)….. ;-)

He enjoyed listening to his granddaughters singing; he would ask them to sing - Dhrithi would sit in his room singing all the songs she knew and he would be sitting and listening while Aaradhya will sing to him over the phone or Janani would send her video/audio recordings on Whatsapp. He would tease Janani that Aaradhya sings even better than her, (he would listen to it over and over...)! :D

Appa and Movies

Appa was  a movie buff in his youth.  When he was in Bombay, he would watch all movies, Hindi, English, Malayalam, Tamil.  Language was no bar ☺.  He loved action movies.  Western movies were his all time favorites.  Good Bad and the Ugly, For a few dollars more, Fist full of dollars are movies he would watch any time it was on TV.  Clint Eastwood was one of his favorite actors.

Baasha, Nayakan, Guna – I have lost count how many times both of us would have watched it.  Today when  I watch the movies I always feel like he is sitting next to me watching and commenting.  I still remember he used to say "Guna le Kamal acting super da…. " ( Kamal hassan did a great job in the movie Guna)

In his later years he did not have the patience to sit through the entire movie, but he would watch all action sequences with rapt attention.  He would not like to be disturbed when the fight sequences would come on TV.  

His other surprising interests would be the WWE.  He would not share the remote when the shows were aired, especially the royal rumble and Wrestle Mania.  He would get wild if we change the channels.  He would know the players by names, right from Hulk Hogan, Hitman, Triple H, the Rock and his all time favourite THE UNDERTAKER.  He would sway involuntarily to the movements of the players.  He would get wild if we disturb him during the programs.  He would not give the remote to anybody and watch the entire program like a child.

Appa also liked comedy very much.  Nagesh, Kamal, Crazy Mohan, Senthil, Koundamani and of course Vadivelu.   He was a great fan of Vadivelu in his later years.  Both of us would watch comedy scenes from movies daily.  Our routine was after I come back from work, Dinner and Amma’s quota of TV time we would straight jump into the couple of comedy channels which would air comedy scenes all thru the day.  H would laugh out loud and enjoy them.  Both of us would sit watching and Amma would jokingly ask us  “ Yen da ungalaku bore adikaatha paathathe paathundu irukel”( don’t u get bored seeing the same again and again}.  Appa would say "unaku puriyaathu ma" ( you don't understand), we enjoy it.  Vadivelu was his favourite.  He would repeat his one liners very often ( "unaku vantha ratham, yenaku vantha Thakkali Chutney - roughly translates to for you its blood, and for me its tomato chutney?").  He would retire to bed late after this daily routine.  I still follow this routine but miss him very badly when I don’t hear his laughter.

Appa and Food

I had earlier hinted here on Appa’s interest on food.  Appa on one side, would eat whatever was served as he would not talk while eating and would never mention of taste.  At the same time, he had very specific liking of food whether we eat outside or cook at home.  He liked the Halwa from Bombay Halwa House in Chennai, or idlys would be always from Sangeetha.  His visits to Mylapore would never be complete without his visits to Maami kadai for snacks.  Even when Pongal was cooked at home, it was always accompanied with Vadai from outside.    Lunch outside would have to be only in Woodlands. Dinner outside was always roti with Bhindi Masala.  Even when Janani used to come he would ask her to make the Bhindi subzi. He himself was an expert cook.  He would churn out awesome dals, Rava Upma, delicious sakkarai Pongal, Semiya payasam to name a few.  He would say if you don’t add the extra dollop of Ghee then u will not get the taste.

Both of us have learnt quite a bit of cooking from both of them.  Even today when I make Rava Upma, I thank my Guruji Mr. Rajagopalan and strive to match his taste which is still to be achieved. Satya learnt to make Upma for Janani (when she was pregnant with A) just like Appa !!!

Tough Love

1.  Click here to read the first post ( first month!)
2. Click here to read the second post ( second month!)
3. Click here to read the third post ( third month!)
4. Click here to read the fourth post ( fourth month!)
5. Click here to read the fifth post ( fifth month!) - my brother pens his thoughts here.
6. Click here to read the sixth post ( sixth month)
7. Click here to read the seventh post ( seventh month)
8. Click here to read the eighth post (eigth month)
9. Click here to read the ninth post ( ninth month)

I have been writing blogs for several years now and Appa was an avid reader of my blog. I began writing to improve my writing style in order to enhance my skills professionally. After I had my Baby Girl, it dwindled down to yearly posts for her birthdays and one or two posts here and there. Interestingly, I have written regularly every month exclusively about my dear Appa. He made me do it, tough love indeed. 

Appa would often scoff at my kid-glove parenting style, where we (all?) tend to be obsessively cautious around our child's egos or emotions. I am guilty of that, I do over-think it when I discipline my daughter and worry too much about her reactions. I did'nt grow up like that. Appa totally believes in tough love, not to say he was not loving. But my parents made it very clear that they are my parents first, and I was always clearly told I could talk to them anytime. 

Having said that, I grew up being very protected and sheltered all my life and then I got married. There was quite a lot of eve-teasing and I had to bear the brunt of it, quite often - be it while going to school or at college. Once, I went out to get some bread from our nearest grocery store, and I think some guy on a bike (off the road) pinched me or something like that.. . When I told Appa about it, he did'nt even send me out to buy bread or any grocery run henceforth. 

He would jokingly say, in all seriousness, " I am an old man, I can't fight with other young men - so the best way to protect yourself is to keep a low profile and make sure you don't get noticed" !!! By the time, I finished college and began to work, my brother was working in a different city. I had nothing to worry about, when my brother was around. 

One day, Appa and I were going somewhere, and waiting at the bus stop to board a bus. Right opposite to the stop, there is a tea-shop and lots of young boys linger around, " sight-adichufying or line-maarofying" all the girls at the stop. They are very obvious about it and you learn to ignore over a period of time, out of sheer compulsion. ( Appa began to allow me to take the bike to work later). While we waited for the bus, Appa kept standing in front of me and obstructing my view. 

I said: "Appa, enna panrel (what are you doing?)"

Appa: " unna pakka mudiyaada madiri nikkaren( I am standing in front of you so that you are not seen)....so that none of these fellows can ogle at you!!! That's why I am standing right in front of you. 

I found it so cute even then, my cute, sweet, protective Appa. 

He was so amazing, I did my MBA through distance and the exam centre was really far away from the city. He did'nt want to send me alone, he hired a taxi and would come with me to the exam centre, wait for the entire 2-3 hrs duration of the exam ( he would carry a book) and bring me back home in the same taxi. For the next year exams, I found out that my school friends were pursuing the same course. He offered to take me along. When I told him that the previous year, Appa would come along, wait and take me back....he was simply amazed at how protective Appa was. I guess he felt I was old enough to figure it out myself , I was 21 or 22 years probably.

I would often complain to Appa and Amma, after I got married, that why they gave me such a sheltered life? I wanted to be more independent but didn't know how to be? Over the years, living in different countries, living alone( with my S), I learnt to be, but not as much as many of my friends, who can do anything or go anywhere all by themselves.

When I lived in Paris, during my yearly visits back home - I would want to go shopping. Take an auto and just go. Appa and Amma would discuss in detail, which route to take, organize with a known auto driver or insist on why I need to buy anything at all !! I would get frustrated at why they fuss so much, when I live and work in a different continent, let alone different country, and manage everything pretty efficiently. Appa would insist that I am still his little girl, and he feels responsible for my safety. 

I think about how angry/frustrated i got then....but now I am mature enough to understand how blessed I am...that my folks always cared about me, as a child, as a young adult, as a grown woman too! 

I am terrified of cockroaches, like most people are...but I may nearly die if i see one flying! I am simply petrified. I was running late to work, I was probably 21 by then, I was taking out my Kinetic Honda parked right below my home, when I saw a huge cockroach on the tarpaulin cover - I simply froze and called out to Appa. Appa comes by, and when I request him to remove the cover,he flatly refused. Tough love did'nt really work in this case.

Here I am, a grown young woman crying profusely, pleading him to help. He refuses and says its high time you get over your fear. Just push the cover and it will go away. But I just could'nt...when it flew away, i literally had a heart attack. Luckily, it was an open space - so I could just take my bike and rush off to work. I was livid with Appa...there is no great lesson from this incident though...I am still petrified of cockroaches!!! ha ha ha...

Appa's Ponnu, I will always be...

1. Click here to read the first post ( first month!)
2. Click here to read the second post ( second month!)
3. Click here to read the third post ( third month!)
4. Click here to read the fourth post ( fourth month!)
5. Click here to read the fifth post ( fifth month!) - my brother pens his thoughts here.
6. Click here to read the sixth post ( sixth month)
7. Click here to read the seventh post ( seventh month)
8. Click here to read the eighth post (eigth month)

"Appa's memory does not live in the pain of my grief". Having said that, I'll be honest, I feel guilty when I laugh heartily or I feel like I may forget him even for the moment I feel happiness, I feel like, how can i forget that Appa is no more with me? On the other hand, every little detail, every nuance, every memory in my life is with Appa...

iduvum kadandu pogum....Appa will remain in my memories and in me, forever. I must admit that this monthly walk down memory lane I do, is very theraupetic for me. I am glad I am In doing this. For me and my loved ones and people who love Appa in their own way.

In 2019, I wanted to surprise him when he was a bit unwell, spend some time with him. I left Baby Girl with S for about 10 days here in Hong Kong, and stayed there in Madras with Appa and Amma. It was the best decision I made, though it was hard to leave Baby Girl alone. After that trip, Appa would talk to me regularly, on his own. It was very unlike him, but he would repeatedly thank me for coming over, or for having long conversations with him. Like I said, I talk to my parents everyday - Appa will talk only about important stuff while Amma will talk to me about my daily life. It's not like Appa to talk about inane things normally. Later, he began to speak to me everyday. I am glad we did. I have no regrets, I have expressed everything I have ever felt , be it positive or negative to both my parents. Yes, you are allowed to love something about yourself, I love that i freely express whatever I am feeling to the person directly. I managed to convince Appa to write me a letter ( physical) which I can always cherish, safely ensconed in my heart AND safety locker!

Appa is a connosieur of good music, especially classical music. When we were kids, Appa was quite short-tempered and I would always sit down to practice my music consciously knowing he is angry. He would calm down and be normal at the end of my practice session. I appreciate music more as an adult now, than I did as a child...when I listen to good music, I am always reminded of him.

 

 https://youtu.be/GvOhqmuDQAg

 

I get goosebumps to hear this son-appa sing and emotion clouds my throat. ( the adulation and love in his father's eyes is so beautiful and they sing my favorite songs too!). I know these are film songs but melodious ones. After I lost him, I would often search for this video on Youtube and hear their beautiful voices, their expressions and the apparent love and affection in his Appa's eyes for him and try to remember my Appa through him. It helped me sleep, sometimes.

 

As a child, I always remember him reading or listening to music in his room, all by himself. 

He would roll his eyes to hear my fusion version of shlokas or classical music. I would argue that I can relate to this version, so what's wrong? ha ha ha...He does not appreciate any modification or fusion element to music - he is a traditonalist in the musical sense!

In 2007, we were living in Pune, both my parents and in-laws visited at the same time once as we were both working (..and maybe we did'nt get too many days off for a break). He never let me cut my hair until I got married...so the first thing I did, was cut my hair after I was married. I was also in that phase of experimenting with my hair, I think I had coloured my hair a deep-red/burgundy or sorts. He thought i was asleep but I could hear him telling Amma - " she paid money to someone to get THIS done??!!!". ha ha ha...needless to say, he hated it. If you look at this picture, you can imagine his shock when he saw me fully transformed! 

Appa and I, at the Punar Poojai during my wedding, he is seeking blessings for me, as always - 2003!

He always liked the traditional style of dressing , he loved it when i would wear a saree, or even simply indian clothes with my hair tied ( so he can actually see my face!).....with a pottu or bindi. Anytime, I shared pictures, where I was dressed in a saree or kurta with pottu , he would always say " ah! there's my beautiful Janani...this is how I like to see you". 

As I dry my daughter's wet long, silky hair, his grand daughter's long hair that she absolutely refuses to cut ( it would make my life easier, i have to admit!) , I can't stop thinking about how Appa would love that she has long hair... :)

Appa in Paris!

Click here to read the first post ( first month!)

Click here to read the second post ( second month!)

Click here to read the third post ( third month!)

Click here to read the fourth post ( fourth month!)

Click here to read the fifth post ( fifth month!) - my brother pens his thoughts here.

Click here to read the sixth post ( sixth month)

Click here to read the seventh post ( seventh month)

I will be honest and admit that I understood how lucky or blessed i am, ONLY when I moved away from my parents. 

 

When i got married, we moved cities and then countries. While Paris sounds glamorous, when you live far away from home - it is HARD, I have been married for almost 18 years now, which means I have also spent a large part of my adult life away from Amma and Appa. 

Having said that, I have spoken to them every single day. I call them EVERYDAY, until I share every liitle or big detail, good or bad news, professional or personal update, just about everything I share - my day is not complete. First person to hear every update is S ( he is physically present too), I relate my entire day verbatim when I see him. Since my folks are not physically here with me, I call them and still do the detailed download. :)

Normally, I talk to Amma about the inane details too, Appa is reserved for more serious, important updates and it is not very long. Appa is a very no-nonsense kind of person, he will speak to-the-point and put the phone down, in fact, many times even while you are still on. I would always laughingly tell him to say bye or something so I know that the conversation is over. 

In the year 2012, I distinctly remember, for a couple of days I could not reach them for a couple of days, I got a bit worried. Then, Anna informed S and I that Appa is having a small "procedure" and may not be reachable for some time as they will be in and out of hosptials. My memory is hazy now but he kept saying something to keep it "normal" for me. Even then, I remember praying fervently that the "procedure" goes well and they get to see my baby, I had no clue. I was pregnant with Baby Girl and it has been a tumultuous journey of loss until then. 

Naturally, they did'nt want to disturb my peace of mind or create stress especially since I lived far away. Later, much later, AFTER Baby Girl arrived safely, Anna told me that Appa went through Angioplasty and Amma had open heart surgery. Anna was secretly discussing with S to keep the secret. S would often tell me later, that your brother was so worried only abour you. He would always ask "what do we tell baby?" ( I am indeed the baby of the house, so everyone refers to me as "baby"). 

 In hindsight, it all worked out well but they had a rebirth, both of them admitted in hospitals on the same day...I'd rather not dwell on the details.

They willed their recovery and came down to Paris for my delivery, looking very frail but ecstatic and happy. I remember Amma tearing up, when she saw me with a 9-month belly at the airport,I will never forget the look on her face - pure joy! 

Appa and Amma arrived about a week before my due date, and I had strict dietary restrictions and I was only allowed to eat fruits with no restrictions. I went through a phase of papaya, apples and finally reached watermelons by the final trimester. S was juggling many things, (it's a new country and Appa and Amma had never been abroad before this). He promised that he would pick it up for me after work and left for the day. 

By evening, I was pleasantly surprised to see Appa walk home with watermelons!!! When I asked him, how he managed to buy it (as everybody speaks french. It's not easy to shop there). He said " Oh! I picked up the watermelons, went to the cashier, looked at the screen and paid the bill - did'nt need to say anything"! 

I was very emotional, vulnerable and in absolute panic ( about my delivery) - but a bite of that juicy watermelon filled my heart with joy. Frankly, I did'nt think he would venture out alone, let alone buy watermelons. I know he did it coz he loved me.

I was very, very scared that everything should go well and Baby Girl should arrive safe and sound. I would look at my ever-growing belly and freak out. S is definitely zen and calming, but its his first time too. Appa and Amma, despite all odds being there, really helped, reassured me and their constant words were " all is well...all is well". I remember calling them, after delivering Baby Girl, within half hour to inform that everything went well and she has arrived. Appa and Amma could not believe that I was talking to them almost instantly. Their voices were filled with absolute delight. How lucky am i, right?. 

When we came home with the baby, he came down to receive us, I was so touched coz they were "home" for me in every way. Appa and Amma did everything they could, to make it as smooth as possible for me. Unexpectedly, their visa was issued for a very short time, so they had to go back after 17 days or so. They initially planned to stay for a couple of months to help me with the baby. We tried our level best to extend the visa, but to no avail.

Every single day, for those 17 days, I would wake up to Appa and Amma, patietly peeling small onions or sambar vengayam. It is fried in ghee and fed to new mothers to heal the stomach. I can never look at small onions without thinking of Appa, among a million other things. 

Appa is not a very enthusiastic traveller but he came to Paris only for me. The other day, I was looking for some pictures of him to send to Anna, and I saw a picture of Appa and I, on the Seine Cruise...it made me smile :)

We lived in the centre of  Paris, with an amazing view of the Eiffel Tower from my living room,kitchen... every part of the house ...We would all walk together in the evenings to Champ De Mars, it's a picture taken casually on one such evening. I have lovely memories, of being a new mother, sharing the joy with Amma and Appa, will hold that moment close to my heart for eternity.

Always there for me...ALWAYS!

 Click here to read the first post ( first month!)

Click here to read the second post ( second month!)

Click here to read the third post ( third month!)

Click here to read the fourth post ( fourth month!)

Click here to read the fifth post ( fifth month!) - my brother pens his thoughts here.

Click here to read the sixth post ( sixth month)

I am absolutely baffled at how a loving, breathing person who's always been there, who has been a constant presence in my life since I was born, always there when I need just about anything and everything... Poof! disappears! ....He is only in my memories. When I close my eyes and try to visualize Appa, if its not as clear in my head as it is in my heart, I am in panic!!! How is that possible? Sometimes, I can't help wonder if he will come outside from his room, when i visit Madras ( when it is possible to travel, of course!). Possibly all this may seem like a bad dream...Alas...anyway, let me refocus on all the happy memories of Appa that I began to share...

I remember this long conversation with Appa on the beach about what sort of guy I prefer or would like to marry.( i grew up living very close to the beach, lucky me!). I also told him I want to work for a couple of years at least before I get married. He agreed and said it takes time to find the right guy and family. 

If my memory serves right, there was a prospective guy who was a professional classical musician, I think."I don't want to marry a musician, I will end up sitting behind him playing the tampura" - I said. I definitely did'nt want to marry a doctor either. I felt he would only discuss about surgeries, illnesses and such depressing topics. Appa laughed at my naivety; he explained its not that simple. Finally, all I said was that the guy should be very tall. ( I am tall for an indian woman). At that time, I had no idea and didn't really give it a serious thought. I always say I grew up only after I got married while S was all grown up already! :P

By current standards, I got married pretty early. I met S when I was 22 and was a married woman by 23! My parents introduced me to S and boy! am i glad they did? (Prima facie, before he met him, Appa was hesitant; he felt a C.A ( Chartered Accountant) would be very boring for his efferverscent daughter while Amma was glad he was really tall and well-built for her broad-shouldered, tall daughter) and we met eventually. After he got to know him and thanks to his amazing intuition and divine intervention ( for sure!), Appa was very confident that he would be the perfect match for me. S is the first guy and only guy I ever met! (It feels like a different lifetime altogether now!).

I would like to keep a few things personal but without delving too much into detail, I can safely, confidently and (am very blessed) to say he is the best thing that ever happened to me. I owe it all to my parents, both Appa and Amma (and S's parents)! They truly love him as his own son and the love and affection is mutual. Touchwood. I doubt that I could have chosen a more perfect life partner than S, even if I had chosen someone myself! He is a lot more than just being very tall :-). I will leave it at that. I remember constantly thanking Appa and Amma for bringing S into my life.

I vividly remember being a newly-married girl and calling my folks and bawling over the phone, when i got back from work that " I am so hungry, there's nothing to eat!!!" LOL.. Depending on who picks up the phone, they would calmly ask me to drink a glass of milk or ask me to be more prepared before I leave for work. Being married and doing everything on your own suddenly, is not easy on you or the guy. Of course, over time both of us learnt to build our life together - organizing groceries, commute, home, travel, families - it is always work in progress even now.

In 2006 - 2007, when we moved to Pune, I worked for a Telecommunications company and as I walked back home or would wait for S to pick me up, sometimes, I used to have long chats with Amma/Appa. For one of Appa's birthdays, I wrote him a long, heartfelt letter. I was pleasantly surprised to see that he had kept the letter very safely even after many years. He said, " It's a lovely letter, well articulated and I can see you have understood every member of our family well.You are so good at expressing your feelings." 

I am so glad I wrote him that letter, expressing all my happiness, good feelings and gratitude I truly felt. It's a big deal for me coz Appa is not too expressive and appears very detached. But he loves each one of us in his own way. People who know him understand that and cherish him anyway.

My parents were very protective of me; Appa or Anna ( I used to call him Anna as a kid) would always pick up/drop me to classes. Due to a lot of eve-teasing in buses, he got me a Kinetic Honda when I began working. But if i was not home by the usual time I did, within 5 minutues - he would be in the balcony waiting. In the next 10 minutes, the gate...mind you, these were times when there were no mobile phones. I would always call and inform if i was going to be late. They were always on guard. 

Whenever I asked them something, to move somewhere to study, work in a different city, even to cut my hair - their constant reply was " Get married, and then do whatever you want"!!! I was exasperated with that answer. 

I remember my friends, especially boys being terrified of coming home coz they were afraid of Appa. He appeared strict but was quite friendly once you get to know him. I would literally drag people home. Some of my friends and my brother's are pretty close to Appa, they chat with him over the phone independantly as well - there are times he is more in touch with my friends than we are!

This is a funny incident I relate to everyone. S and I, were engaged (for almost a year) before we got married. We were in different cities, we would chat online after dinner. This was at a time when you dial with the modem to connect to the internet and your phone line is busy at the same time. Our computer-modem setup was in the guest room which is outside the main home, it is an extension but within the same premises. You can easily see that I am in the room if you are in the living room. 

So almost every day or maybe alternate days, I would logon to a video chat with S, in the guest room after dinner. Appa would religiously wait in the living room until I finish chatting. He was scared that it was late in the night and it would be unsafe to leave me alone, when I was indoors in the same house!!! He would be dozing off, sitting right there!!! When I asked him why he troubles himself so much when he can sleep, he would say what if someone takes you away when noone is there, so I want to be here for you. You talk as much as you want - I will be right here for you. Appa, you were always there for me and I still feel like you are always here for me.

I get all that my parents did for me much more when I became a parent. They are so giving, selfless and their all-encompassing love is more evident now when i have a child. 

Appa's Mantra- "No one has ever become poor by giving"

Click here to read the first post ( first month!)

Click here to read the second post ( second month!)

Click here to read the third post ( third month!)

Click here to read the fourth post ( fourth month!)

Click here to read the fifth post ( fifth month!) - my brother pens his thoughts here.

 "When Appa didn't have my hand, he had my back..."

I know life moves on and everybody moves on eventually, but I am still here, I want to be here , to be honest...reminscing my past, through my college days now! I am trying to hold on to my precious memories that stood out for me, with Appa. 

Here's a story I wrote for the "Chicken Soup for the Indian Teenage Soul", in 2009! I got published in a book, thanks to a real-life account that illustrates what an amazing parent Appa was...I am pasting the story here for your reference.