I have so much left to say about you, Appa!

Click here to read the first post ( first month!)

Click here to read the second post ( second month!)

It may be three months since...and on my part, 

I really try to keep myself busy with the things I do, but everytime I pause I only think of you...

There are some difficult times in life, that leave a mark on you in a positive way! It was this incident that made a mark in our lives. We lived  away from Amma for about two years as she was transferred to a different city, I must have been a 12 or 13 year old girl then. Appa took care of me and my elder brother, during that time in Madras while Amma was in Bangalore. It's a difficult age to be away from your mother and I always thought it was the hardest on me. I realize now how difficult a period it must have been, for Appa - to live away from his loving wife, to singlehandedly take care of a pre-teen and a teenager! 

Boy! He single handedly (yes, single handedly, he had no help from anyone absolutely) took care of us. He fed us, taught us, made it special even on festivals and every time Amma would visit, he would make it a very happy time for all of us. Few things that really stood out for me - 

1. Every evening, after school, he made us both sit down and learn "Hanuman Chalisa" every day so that we could sing and present the full version to Amma when she came. Amma was ecstatic when we sang in tune, and by heart!

2. He understood that being away from Amma was really hard on me ( I would cry copiously every single time she needed to travel back to Bangalore!). So he had secretly recorded a loving wake up message from Amma in her voice, he would play it in the morning to wake me up! It really made my day to hear her voice. I say this specifically coz growing up, Appa was very strict and Amma was very lenient. We were terrified of incurring his wrath while Amma could be cajoled easily.

(in this picture, L-R, My cousin Athma, myself, Appa and Amma)

3.  What stood out for me in all this; once, after Amma was returning to Bangalore after spending the weekend with us in Madras, I was really upset and crying. Appa tried to console me, he sat me down and explained softly, patiently (which is an exception to the norm as he was always quite short tempered, no time or patience to cajole or convince!) to me. He said ( in tamizh, of course...we don't converse in English at home!)

"Do you realize how hard it is for Amma? If you cry like this everytime she leaves, that's the image in her mind all the way back to Bangalore...do you want her to feel sad and more lonely than she already feels? 

We should all try to make the most of it, be happy and send her with happy thoughts...after all, we have each other. She is all alone there without any of us, her own family!( Amma stayed with her elder brother's family (My Mama) who were loving and equally her family in Bangalore)....you should never cry and add to her problems, be the solution that she will definitely come back to....very soon! I never cried after that, even though I longed for her just the same. 

Now that I am married and a mother, I can only imagine how hard it must have been, for both of them as a couple and as parents. I am very blessed that I would probably have the option to quit if such a situation arises. Appa and Amma did'nt have that choice but never complained or even mentioned in our lifetime that we sacrificed our time together for you. I am very grateful and blessed for life lessons such as this on parenting and partnership in every sense!

I never took my parents for granted, after that! to be honest, I never did before the transfer either. All my memories are happy memories of all of us spending time together as a family, eating together and having fun together, in general. I realize now that Appa and Amma never went out by themselves, all they did was spend every free minute with us. How selfless that is? 

I strongly believe that I am a well-rounded, happy individual - thanks to my happy childhood, the secure feeling I got while growing up and how immensely proud my parents were. They would often, appreciate, praise and encourage me in every way possible! It definitely made me a confident person who was very proud of her roots. 

Thank you for being my parents, Appa( and Amma)!