Today marks two months since you moved to a different dimension of life, Appa!
I am a very expressive person, both emotionally and physically. I hug, kiss and express myself freely, I tend to touch your arm or pull someone's arm when I talk, subconsciously. On the contrary, Appa is not expressive at all, very disciplined and extremely organized. He will not touch anyone unless required and vice versa.
I am an exception to that rule. I would always plonk myself on his lap ( even as a fully grown adult!), smother him with hugs and kisses. I remember every physical aspect about him, he would always be very well dressed, well-groomed, smell of sandalwood powder or cuticura ( a brand thats popular in India), his smooth skin, broad nose, stern expressions ( when we were growing up!), rare hearty laughs and his broken index finger. I have asked him repeatedly for the story about his broken index finger...
When he was a little boy of maybe 7 - 8 years old, he was cleaning the fan. My memory is hazy but he ended up cutting his finger, it got cut off through the blade or hook. Here's a little boy, looking at his cut finger on the floor! Inadvertently, he just picked it up and held on to its position until they reached the hospital hurriedly. The doctor appreciated his quick thinking and they were able to retain his entire hand!! As a result, his index finger will look slightly different.
When Appa and I traveled on public transport, the men and women are often separated, on different aisles. If it was a crowded bus - I would patiently scan through the hands holding the railing - Dang! I could always spot his broken index finger and feel a sense of relief that I can locate him when we need to get off or when we reach our destination. (I would often doze off with the slightest whiff of cool air. Appa would repeatedly warn me to be alert!).
Before going to sleep, he would wash his face, put on talcum powder and freshen up! As a kid, I used to ask " why do you get ready when you are going to sleep?" and he would jokingly say " I want to look good in my dreams too"!!!
As an adult who has her own family now and a daughter, I truly appreciate and acknowledge that I grew up in a gender-neutral household. All of us chipped in with the housework, Amma and Appa both cooked, my brother and I had our share of chores. We all did our bit together, so that we all relaxed together as a family.
We ALWAYS ate together as a family, no separate meals in our home ( something from my childhood that I continue with my little family too!). An interesting fact about Appa is that he will NOT talk while eating. In all his life, he has never talked during any meal. It takes a lot of discipline to do that every single day, its nearly impossible for me :-). If I wanted permission to do something or go somewhere, I would ask him only while eating.
I would pretend as if I did'nt understand what he was saying (he would answer through sign language as he won't talk) and run away! Of course, in reality, I totally understood what he was saying!
Another strong memory about food I remember is that, on a weekend or a Friday night, if we were bored or disinterested about dinner - he would mix Thayir Saadam ( curd rice) with Vetha kuzhambu (spicy tamarind stew?) / vegetable stir-fry of the day and Amma, Anna ( I called my brother Anna as a kid) and i would sit around him. We would extend our hands and he would lovingly, tirelessly serve bite-sized balls of rice. He would say " You guys eat much better when I give you like this rather than the times you eat yourself ". Ah! I would do anything to have that ball of rice from him, right now.
During summer vacations, our big treat was tutti frutti ice cream! I would patiently wait until dinner is over, run to the freezer and hand over the 1-kg container. I would always insist that i am served last ( I felt that I would get a larger portion that way!), he would smile and give me extra. I know, he always served me an extra dollop of ice cream, an extra dollop of love too!
