...I have been pretty silent on the instrospective side on the blog until now. While I have always believed that reading books, articles or any kind of reading material improves your vocabulary, knowledge, learnings, life lessons among many other things. Recently, with the booming information economy, I have begun to listen to different voices, viewpoints, perceptions through different mediums....and it blows my mind! How did I not see this earlier? Why did I misconstrue someone or just failed to understand a friend or anyone's point of view with some empathy, maybe? Why so judgemental when I am in mortal fear of being judged?
My approach to significant things in my life has changed - not just organically but also as a deliberate and conscious choice! My younger self would always complain that who do I sing for? ...or who's going to hear me sing? I realize now that I just need to sing for myself first. If there's someone who would like to hear me sing? Great! That's a bonus! You can do things to make yourself happy. Period.
Another significant change is how I would always feel like my problems/ challenges were so big and the "why me!" syndrome. Its the most crippling thought you can have...I have finally understood that every single individual have challenges just like I do. The only difference is not even about resolving it. The main difference is often expression. I have always been open and expressive while others may not disclose their problems. That's the only differentiator. We are all the same. In the same boat.
I try not to fret over petty issues; especially about someone's opinion of me which is mostly superficial. Nobody bothers to go deep. How does it matter? I am now at this point of view - will it matter in a year or even 5 years? Will the opinionated even bother to help me if i am in trouble or at the least, even want to know if i am in trouble? Resounding, echoing NO! why care about someone's opinion so much? It is absolutely impossible for someone to be liked by everyone. Hell, I, for sure, don't like everyone. So I am ok with someone not liking me. I feel this way NOW. It would have bothered me a lot when I was younger...
A friend once told me "we all worry so much about what others will think of me, could be anything, about how I look, behave, react; little do we know that the others are too busy worrying or thinking about themselves to even bother glancing at you...let alone thinking long about you!". That really stuck with me.
I have evolved enough to think that as long as everything makes sense to me. It's good enough. I don't owe anyone or anything an explanation for anything that I do or occurs in my life. PERIOD. That realization is such a relief especially when you grow up being told that you are not allowed to think too much about yourself, don't be selfish, always think of others, you get the drift...and I would always think isn't humanity a two-way street? especially among human beings? be it love, respect or basic human courtesy?...empathy is a whole different ballgame.
Even as a child, I would say this often - maybe I read it somewhere.I have grown with this strong belief that " First, you have to love yourself before you can expect others to love you". Today, I also believe that I should be kind and respectful to self before expecting it from others. If that means I am selfish. So be it. I don't mind the 'selfish' label.
Interestingly, even posting on the blog stopped for the yearly posts on baby girl and the recent posts I did about Appa. who reads blogs anyway anymore? Earlier, i would get comments and people from work or people who know I write on the blog would discuss the topic with me or even e-mail me sometimes. I wonder who am i posting it for now? I decided that I can post my thoughts for me. That's good enough too. If anyone reads it and shares or converses with me with their own, its a bonus! That's ok too!
