Thinking aloud...

When I created this blog, I did'nt really think or intend for a lot of people to read it, just thought of it as an online journal and hence the inane title and screen-name...I did'nt give it too much thought. Interestingly, friends who read my blog nowadays seem to refer to me as 'prettywoman' and it brings a smile on my face! :)

Some time back, I saw an interview of the gorgeous Actress Goldie Hawn, she has a certain child-like enthusiasm in her that is adorable. She said that when her mother died....80% in her did too....She said " I thought to myself - who would I want to make proud now? ". That is EXACTLY how I feel about my parents - both Amma and Appa. Fortunately, my parents are here with me and by God's grace and blessings, I hope they will be with me for a long time to come....But I think of them every single day in every little thing I do...and rush to call Amma to give her all the little tiny details of my life with as much description as possible.

I think I am still their 'little girl' - I know that's how it is from every parent's eyes! In my case, I'd rather remain that and not grow up! I still revel in their pride and feel deliriously happy when I make them proud, especially when they tell me so often that I do! :) Noone else's opinion matters as much!

Off late, I have heard of so many young people who have died suddenly, 21, 23 and 30 years old - an accident, a sudden illness and I can't stop thinking about how unfulfilled souls they would be...their unrealised dreams, love, places they have never been to, unfulfilled desires...I find it difficult to explain the anguish I feel for them...often, people console you that they are in a better place...but I fervently wish God had given them more time!

One of them was a friend who would talk to me very often about her personal life and she also told me that she would have noone to talk to, as I was relocating to a different city. We tried to remain in touch through the distance and she had been through a difficult relationship, divorced and was really looking forward to love, a new life...new beginnings....it haunts me that she did'nt live long enough to enjoy the good things in life...she did not live life fully...I wonder what went through her mind...

Once, I read on someone's wall on facebook that " Never tell your problems to anyone ...20% don't really care and the other 80% are really glad you have them". I personally think that its a very cynical way of looking at it and fact remains that nobody can really solve your problems. I don't want to be cynical or bitter, I would like to believe that there is goodness in everyone. If the problems are within your control, try to solve them and if they are out of your control, I normally pray to God. That's all I can do and I strongly believe he knows what is best for us...have to admit that its difficult to remain optimistic and cheerful ALL the time...I do have my days! :) But I jump back to action pretty soon...I don't stay sad for too long, simply because it takes little things to make me happy :) and Of course, I have a fantastic support system. Amma's positive words and vibrant nature always makes me feel much better and I feel hopeful.

Many of my friends feel comfortable enough with me to share their very personal things or problems and I am glad that I can be someone they can trust...for a long time, I would always ruminate and try to think of a solution to their problem...then I realized that when I go talk to S or Amma about something that troublles me, do I expect a solution? I don't , I just want to vent...that's all. So I got my answer. I am very well aware that we all have to fight our individual battles but its easier when you have someone who is a good moral support and is generally optimistic about everything...the positive energy is infectious and renews hope in you.

A friend in college once told me that she feels that I am like water in a jug! Apparently, I adapt myself to my surroundings and people as water does to the jug or any container that holds it! Being a piscean, I do love water - be it the beach or tears! Both S and my brother make fun of me...especially if we are watching an emotional scene or a sad movie...coz I am always in tears!!

Last but not the least thought in my mind...is that if someone looks me up and down on the street or when I am out...the first thing that crosses my mind is " Damn! Are my pants unzipped?" and I check! :D

What are YOU thinking about?

The Girl in the Green Scarf!

...Yes, I am the girl in the green scarf and this is the one, I mentioned here that my dear friend C, spent more than a MONTH knitting this gorgeous pattern for ME! :-) Isn't it gorgeous?

It came as an absolutely pleasant surprise to me and I was thrilled that she put so much effort into this and gifted it to me! I am going to treasure it forever...and even if I am a beginner at knitting, I know that its a difficult pattern and it has a combination of two different shades of green and OF COURSE takes loads of patience to knit such a huge scarf!

Why Green? She said, " She saw a picture of yours truly with S, in Loire Valley and there was all this greenery around us...and she wanted us to remember Europe like that"

Thank you sooooo much C, for the wonderful gesture.... I am deeply touched! I'll feel all warm and fuzzy both inside AND outside during the winters!:-)

Epiphany!

I am a girl's girl who likes shopping, Chick-lit movies, books while S is a guy's guy who likes video games, Formula One and gadgets. But there are a few things we have in common and if there is something we both definitely enjoy - C'est FRIENDS!

If you know me personally, you would know that I am an ardent fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, like many other similar-minded people I know! I have the entire series of DVDs at home ( courtesy S!)....and it never fails to cheer me up every single time! I guess its so easy to relate to each of the characters that makes it so enjoyable, be it their frustrations or misgivings about succeeding in Life, Men or having children or simply having fun together at each other's expense...I have often yearned to have a group like that, with whom you can just be yourself and also have fun together...when you don't always need to be on guard!

I don't think that its not entirely impossible either! I guess, we are always competing with each other to succeed in your career or you have a new relationship or you are in a different city or country or it could be just about anything that keeps you away from your close friends....and slowly, though you keep in touch on and off on occasion...you drift apart! There are times when I meet someone for the first time and connect on so many levels or there is instant laughter that reminds me of the same bond I shared with a good friend some time back...which did'nt really continue forever, sadly!

Having said that, I can proudly say that I have a few people in my life with whom I can just share whatever I feel. I don't have to do a once-over before saying anything! ( I am sorry if people who don't follow FRIENDS can't relate to this...) but...there is an episode where Rachel and Pheobe share that how they are jealous about Monica's awesome relationship with Chandler on a scale of 80-20! They keep wondering if they will ever have someone like that in their life. I just loved it that the raw human emotion - jealousy, was portrayed so well....I could understand where they came from! Let's face it, we all feel jealous or envious at some point of time in life, including me! Its more of a fear if I will ever have that than jealousy or probably just insecurity.....I think! Its reassuring that I have a few friends (...and all these people know who I mean!) including Amma, to whom I can frankly say it out loud that I felt a negative emotion that time....and just vent! That's it...that chapter is over...sorta thing! ....

I am so glad that S and I are the best of friends! It really helps that I have a best friend for life, who will forever be with me and vice versa! I know it sounds cliche, but its true! Just the other day, on the Metro, I saw this really handsome guy, maybe 6-5"? ( I have a thing for tall men!) and after some time, he came and sat next to me and gave me a smile as I got down in my stop! I did a little jig in my mind! I came home and related this to S, while we both made dinner....and I did'nt even think twice what he would think or feel...coz I know he knows me! We feel very secure about each other and its absolutely fine to openly discuss and tease each other too!

Then it struck me, I may not have friends in the same format as is on the FRIENDS show, but the essence remains the same! Essentially, I have a few great friends who are non-judgemental, loving and always waiting and ready to pull a leg anytime! Of course, friends within the family is a BLESSING not many people have, now don't get jealous! ;-)

A dear friend of mine has adopted a baby girl recently. When she went in for the adoption, she found her child and messaged me 'I found my daughter' and I know she meant it immediately. When she came back and informed me in person, her face was radiant with happiness and lit up with joy. When I hugged her tightly, I saw her bright-eyed with tears. I said a silent prayer for my friend who has been through a lot...

Her excitement and happiness is so infectious that I can't help being happy for her. She will bring home the baby today and we plan to go visit her tomorrow and welcome the little bundle of joy with gifts, love and loads of affection.

I have a small request to the readers of this blog. I blog in my original name, I know....and essentially write for myself, to chronicle my life...in the process, if you would like to know or interact with me and my thoughts, i totally love and appreciate it. But please do not discuss the blog topics with me or my family. For the simple reason that what i write here comes from me, not S, not my family...and once again, its MY blog! Thank you very much. I appreciate it. If you have something to say, say it here...you have to take the effort to comment. You can choose to remain silent too...not only here, anywhere! PERIOD. If you are inquisitive, its your problem! Deal with it. and NO! I am not going to stop writing!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

S and I had just got back from a pretty long stay in the UK, a long time away from home, our people, family and friends and we were in the midst of setting up our home here in Pune. S was off to work and I was left to do the arduous task of unpacking and arranging all our stuff, since I didn’t have a job to go to, at that point of time. I was feeling very lonely, bored and longed to see a single soul from my family or friends or even someone remotely familiar…so basically I was homesick!

As I was brooding and waiting for S to return all day, I get a call from S informing me that my friend Nikitha’s friend (She lives and works in Bombay) would visit me and pass on a parcel that she wanted to give me. So I tidied myself up to look presentable and decent for the stranger friend who would come home anytime. Within a couple of minutes, the doorbell rang and I greeted the stranger guy ( who happens to be a sweet guy by name sumit). He smiles and says here is the parcel and I see that his hands are empty! Out of nowhere, Nikitha springs up and gives me a big warm hug and you can clearly hear shrieks of joy from the union and I can’t stop grinning. I was overwhelmed with joy to see her, she stayed with me for a while chatting and left for Mumbai by evening. She had come all the way from Mumbai just to give me a surprise!
I had a warm fuzzy feeling all day and was full of smiles when S got back home and I eagerly started relating the surprise to him!! What a wonderful surprise that was, just when I needed it. Indeed, A friend in need is a friend indeed!! Niki is a darling friend of mine, she is like a charming little kid with the most warm smile and a loving personality!