Diwali as a kid!

Nowadays, after every festival, it takes me back in time, like I did this the last time. Apart from Janmashtami, Diwali is another festival I really look forward to. I find the significance of celebrating Diwali really meaningful. As a grown-up now, I understand that it is a celebration of the victory of good over evil.

As a kid, all I could think of, was the new clothes, crackers and holidays that I would spend playing with my friends all day! I remember cursing myself for being a girl, coz my hair would take some time to dry and I would have to wait to burst crackers while my brother would wake up at the crack of dawn and start bursting the more 'dangerous' ones while I would stick to flowerpots and discs, maybe... After lunch, we would change into old clothes and burst 'bijli vedi' by hand!!

Sometimes, I would burst one or two in my hands and hurt myself, but would bear it coz I did'nt want to made fun of, or worse, sent home! We would also collect all the ones that did'nt go up, remove the gunpowder and then, put all the remaining small 'not-so-dangerous' bijli or kuruvi vedi into a coconut shell and light it. We used to be mighty thrilled when it would fly in all directions as if we had achieved a major feat! It was considered a 'seniors' activity and I would rant and rave that I want to join my brother. He would grudgingly let me tag along coz my mom would'nt let him go without me. She would be tired from all the work at home, the least she would want is a stubborn, crying, cranky kid bugging her!

Then, for the gala, we would all save up our fancy and expensive crackers like Rockets, seven stars among others, pool it and we would all go to the terrace and hand over our precious crackers to the senior kids ( read brother and kids of his age) . We would all watch the beautiful sparkles and enjoy ourselves all together as a group. We had a lovely group in our colony, and even otherwise we would all play together. My brother and I, were so happy we lived there...we finished our homework and assigned household chores and run to play everyday! I am, still in touch, with a few of them through orkut or facebook even now.

Amma would make tons of 'ribbon pakoda' and my brother and I, would eat to our heart's content and stomach's discomfort. What fun those days were!!

Now, I have mellowed down and spend Diwali lighting diyas at home, as you can see and visiting and receiving friends...which is great too!! I am spending a 'grown-up' Diwali, spent most of the extra off's from work, watching movies back-to-back, nice conversations with S, eating bhuttas and reading books! Of course, even now the excitement of new clothes has not gone down! I wore lovely clothes and preened in front of the mirror!

I presume when we have kids, my enthusiam for crackers will resurface or not..who knows? Will have to wait and watch!!

Diwali in our own home, 2008!

What if this had been?

What if that had not been?

Do not fret away

Remember, everything happens for a reason

You are so blessed in many ways

Why don't you acknowledge that?

Have faith, keep going

There is light at the end of the tunnel

Optimism is your mantra

Live for the moment, cherish these happy memories

This time will not come back

Remember, the future is bright and beautiful too

Yes, it most definitely is...

Festive season begins at home!

( The Mirror idea is inspired read copied ;-) from TheMadMomma! Thank you so much for the idea, I love it!! :-)

I bought small mirror pieces in various sizes and stuck it on the wall with one-sided tape. ( After scouting all over the place for it!). It catches the sunlight and twinkles now and then...I can't stop feeling so thrilled about it. As usual, I bought YET another set of artificial flowers, now I have lots of flowers in every bathroom too!! :-)

Wonderful years since Oct 11, 2002

TODAY, S and I complete 6 years of knowing each other...Oct 11, 2002 is a very important day in our lives - It is the day we met for the first time!I don't always remember the dates, S is better at that, but this time I remembered!

When I met him for the first time, I thought 'Wow! He is tall and cute!'....Now, I could write a never-ending story about him! :-) I think that says it all..

Perspective!

To get a perspective on this, I asked S what would be his impression of me as a third person or for that matter, what does he think? Do I appear arrogant?

To which his response is a well-thought out answer, he says Firstly, you are much taller than the average Indian male, which not many are comfortable with.Secondly, you are not the coy demure woman, but a confident woman who speaks her mind with absolutely no fear, even with me.Thirdly, I am not saying this as your husband, but even looking at you as a third person, you are not over-bearing or dominating. You are just so sure of yourself which is fantastic and I love that in you. So chill babe, you are cool and its a good trait and many people work towards getting where you are now.

He was like, to give you an example, your tailor ( we were discussing this while returning home from the tailor shop!) ...he welcomes you so warmly and goes J Madam..J Madam...and does so much to accomodate to your urgency or needs... I did'nt see his behave so nicely with the other women there. why do you think he does that?

Because, you treat him with respect and you are really nice to him. You laugh and joke with him like you would do with any normal person....So you are a lovely person! Your spirit and enthusiasm is really infectious and endearing...

Now, you know why I love S so much!!! :P ( It made my day to hear that from him, genuinely!!) :-)

The weekend that was...

Most part of Sunday was spent in an office get-to-gether with S's office colleagues. It was interesting to meet their families and adorable kids and babies. S and I were the youngest couple there... As I made conversation with one of the women, a mother of two, I realized that everyone yearns for something or the other in life. They always want something else, in contrast to what they have..she kept telling me how she could not pursue a career despite being well qualified as her inlaws/husband did'nt want her to work after she got married. She has two beautiful kids. I thought to myself ' So Its not just me then, who wants different things at various points that keeps changing constantly!' ;-)
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The preparations for the trip in December are in full swing and we are almost done except for the visas. Got some nice walking shoes for me as we will need to walk a lot and I thought it makes sense to invest in some good shoes instead of carrying numerous pairs there. We scoured numerous shops before we got something that I liked, coz I have big feet!!! I have been trying to find some nice shop to buy a stylish trench coat. There are awesome styles and colors abroad, which are not too expensive either...I looked it up on the net but there is no shipping to India. I will need to ask around and look...that is one major essential detail that needs to be taken care of...which I did...I asked my friend Tess to buy it for me, coz she is in the States now and we had a long discussion about colors, sizes, prices, styles et al! Persistent you say? That I am...very sweet of Tess to help too! Lets see how it works out.
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I try to stick to fruits on Mondays throughout the day. An attempt to cleanse the system and lose weight too. But by evening, I feel really pukish with no salt throughout the day, so i have fruits for lunch and some cornflakes and milk and something light for dinner like soup or sometimes if i am really hungry, i have dosa! :-) It really does cleanse the system, feel like all the toxins are flushed from my system. You can try it, it really helps.
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Things are in a state of flux right now in my life. I have to wait for a couple of months to understand or even know how its gonna be... keeping my fingers crossed and hope everything happens for the best. I have faith in GOD, he knows what is best for us.
P.S - This is my 150th Post! :-)

Intimidating?

I have been told many times by several people that ( especially by men) they find me very intimidating. Apparently, I am always very sure of myself and sound really confident and fearless. Yes, I am a confident person but I fail to understand why I am intimidating? I would be lying if I say it does'nt bother me. It does.

While my mom thinks its good that people are scared of me and that men always find smart women intimidating! :P...I genuinely don't want to come across as if I am unapproachable or intimidating, especially in the workplace. It happens that people form a perception and it tends to stay as I don't really get an opportunity to prove otherwise, unless the other person gets to know me personally, which can be rare. I must admit I am not one of those shy, demure kind of women nor someone who hesitates to speak her mind. Is that arrogant behavior? I don't think so! I do not mince words. PERIOD. At the same time, I am not rude, am polite but am not sugary sweet.

As a result of all this behavioral speculation, I have tried to tone down my personality, so to speak. I try to think before i speak and ensure that I don't sound 'arrogant' or 'intimidating'. In this painstaking ( for me, it is)process of modifying my personality, I forget what I really want to say and end up focussing on how I come across...which is not a great help either! All my thoughts are lost in the presentation!
What do I do? I can't say 'I am like this wonly! Take it or leave it! In the real world, it does'nt work that way. Any suggestions?