Are you TWELVE!!!

 My dear Baby Girl,

" May you always see life through the eyes of a child and the heart of an angel"

That would be my heartfelt wish for you on your 12th birthday! 

I have been writing this letter every year as a great memory and hopefully, when you are older and understand what we share....you may appreciate this? Interestingly, I read through it when its time to jog my memory and it definitely brings a smile on my face! :)

You are my favorite topic of conversation; I miss your gorgeous face when you are away with longing...and I am always discussing how amazing and utterly frustrating you are         (sometimes!)...ha ha ha. You have the best qualities of Appa and I; sensitive,  spontaneous and silly like me and you can be very mature, strong-minded and so very loving like Appa. 

This year has been your first year at secondary school. I was a bit skeptical about how you would cope but you surpassed all our expectations. You just sailed through your first year so organically, joyfully and with confidence. You did have some fluctuations but you got through it without too much fuss. Appa and I were thrilled to hear from literally all your teachers during the PTA meeting about what a lovely child you are...so full of life, joy and intelligence! My heart swelled with pride to hear that you are a great human being first! 

Your creative side also shines through, thanks to your encouraging school that provides so many opportunities to showcase and highlight your talents through drama in musicals, singing competitions( you won Star Search in the Lower School Vocal Ensemble!), dance performances through the year, celebration of festivals - the year was busy and successful.

Typically, you have had your share of problems with friendships and I am glad you openly discuss it with me. I get worried and sad about how you cope with your feelings at school coz we have all gone through these conflicts in our lives. What really struck me was how you dealt with it in your own way. I was impressed by the fact you were able to accept your shortcomings and ready to correct yourself. I did not have the same kind of maturity at your age. Good job on that, baby (and Appa)!

I jog my memory through pictures; I look at a picture and it all comes back to me....I go back to that moment and all the details come back to me. The reason why I take loads of pictures of you - I want to soak it all in. 

We were on holiday in Cebu, Phillipines here.. I am in awe of how brave and fearless you are...always enthusiastic to try anything new (any new activity....new food is still far away!)...you went snorkelling with Appa to see the Whale Sharks. I was sitting up on the boat in absolute fear when you came back to tell me how exciting it was to watch them in such close quarters ...

Recently, in Australia, for the summer, we went on a day-trip to another island to see the Great Barrier Reef; a coral reef off the coast of Australia. You went snorkelling again, with absolutely no hesitation, while I saw the reef from a semi-sub boat ride. I kept wondering where did she get the brave gene from?

We took a short break to Macau and trip to India. We spent some quality time with the grandparents. You are very lucky to be able to spend time with them, having conversations, taking care of them and hopefully learning something. You have become fluent in Tamizh, and this year you are learning to read and write in tamizh from formal lessons. My Amma is proud of me and I am proud of you, in turn. Your enthusiasm and interest to learn and master your mother tongue is important to me. You will thank me later in life. I thanked my Amma for instilling that pride in me.

You attended your first Carnatic Music Concert this year - that too a Ranjani-Gayatri Recital. Appa and I, enjoyed the performance thoroughly with you. 

You are so full of tender, loving care on days I am unwell or tired,  you give me amazing massages, rush to get me a hot water bag or water.  I feel so loved and cared for! You shower us with so many lovely cards, notes and express how much you love us. We cherish these notes, feelings, expressions and love. We are so blessed. You, me, Appa - our little family.

You are a joyful, kind and happy child who lights up any room she enters...Every year, as you grow older, I must say, it has been such a joy to witness your growth. May God bless you with good health, happiness and joy in the world. Be a humble and kind human being who brings joy and happiness to everyone around you and to yourself. 

Most importantly, we love you and we are always here for you, we got your back!

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine....you make me happy when skies are grey...

Amma

...a reprise by Appa:

This year was fun, challenging, and one of discovery for you. When I reflect on some of the things we experienced together, I get a sense of serenity...you, me and Amma, such unique and different personalities each but bound together like glue by something beyond all of that. 

I love the little 5-minute chats we have when I tuck you and and make you sleep at night. I am thoroughly amused by the anecdotes you share from school, friends, things you watched on TV and chats with Amma. Sometimes I am amazed by the maturity in your understanding of people and circumstances and other times exasperated by (but secretly admiring) the stubborn determination to have your own opinion about every little thing.

Our holidays are always enjoyable, and this year, we had some memorable ones. For me, our trip to Australia was a landmark in many ways - I totally enjoyed spending whole days together, just the three of us. Travelling, driving, exploring, shopping, and having fun - pure, simple, loving, family time. My wish is for us to have many more of those every year!

I cannot believe that you are 12... look foward to your glorious teens! 

Loads of love, Appa

Sweet 16!

Have you ever met a petite woman with the most beautiful smile in the world? You probablysaw my mother. Vivacious, happy and optimistic, Amma is a small package that brings joy into the life of every person she meets.

As a working woman, Amma balanced her career and family ( not even consciously, she just did it!) so efficiently that I was always in awe of her. Every morning, as she would get ready for work in her perfectly starched cotton saris; I would watch her apply Gala eyeliner and sometimes help her with the pleats of her sari.

I couldn’t wait to grow up to go to work dressed in sarees/duppattas and get to wear eyeliner of course! Little did I know the travails of a working woman or the corporate world!

As a little girl, I could not understand why Amma didn’t come to my school to give me lunch everyday or why she had to take permission or the day off for my Annual Day functions. She would smilingly reply that she had to go to work everyday but always made it a point to cheerand applaud me when I won accolades or performed in Annual Day Celebrations. Both Amma and Appa would always appreciate every little achievement or milestone and that helped build a lot of confidence in me.

I vividly remember looking forward to Saturdays’ coz Amma would be waiting for us at home when we returned from school (She worked half-day on Saturdays). I would proudly proclaim to my friends “Yayy!!! Amma will be home today…” They couldn’t care less coz their mothers were always home and it didn’t seem like a novelty to them. I felt like they took their mother for granted.

In my growing years, Amma was transferred to Bangalore for a couple of years while my brother and I stayed in Madras with Appa. I must add that those were the toughest times for our family and I had a very hard time dealing with the absence of Amma. I would cry uncontrollably when she had to return to Bangalore after visiting us over the weekend. She would be in tears to see her little girl cry; sad and heartbroken that she would have to return to Bangalore, wondering when she could return to her family. Appa would often convince me that I should be a brave girl and make it easier for Amma. Every morning, I would listen to a recording of Amma waking me up lovingly. My parents had thoughtfully recorded the message for me and I would wake up with a smile.

The ordeal ended and Amma returned to Madras by God’s grace. I had reached my teens and was learning to cope with both physical and emotional changes that come with the process of growing up. That year in March, I would be 16! Some time in February, Amma went on a trip to Hyderabad with her best friend for a couple of days. She had planned a surprise for me!  On my birthday, she gifted me with 16 dresses for my ‘Sweet 16’!!! A dress for each year of my life; each different from the other and in beautiful dark colors that I always loved. I was thrilled beyond words and my joy knew no bounds at her thoughtful and extravagant gift. What more could a girl ask for? To this day, it has been the best birthday surprise EVER!

Over the years, I had slowly begun to understand and appreciate how Amma had contributed towards shaping me into a confident individual while giving me a strong foundation during my childhood.

Amma and many other working mothers I know, feel guilty about not being there for their children. They often feel that they didn’t do justice towards raising their children. Through this medium, I would like to let Amma know that she is the best mother I could have ever asked for! Amma, you have made me feel very special, loved and cherished through all your little gestures, selfless love and undiluted adulation. I am proud of being a working mother’s daughter!

Edited to add: I wrote this piece for the Chicken Soup Series for the mother's soul... it did'nt make the cut. I wanted to archive my feelings for my amazing Amma and what a wonderful mother she is to me. 

Happy Birthday, My Rock!

 It's your birthday today and I realized I don't write as much anymore on the blog. NOT done! I know you were a regular reader of my blog and we would often discuss what I write...when we speak. Albeit being a yearly post, I have decided to speak to you on your birthday on the blog...I continue to write a post to Baby Girl on her birthdays every year too! :)

I remember how it used to irk you that I talk constantly. With time, though not consciously, I have become quieter; I don't express my opinion on everything. I am able to keep my opinions and thoughts to myself. There's not an overwhelming need to express myself like it used to be earlier. Its a good thing. 

I feel like I am in your presence, when I am praying/ or in the pooja room. The smell of Vibhuti reminds me of you. I pray to God with a sincere gratitude for all that he blessed me with and continues to guide me when I am feeling low. Tears well up when I pray or sing nowadays even if I don't mean to...It's a good thing, I know!

I was reading a book the other day and the following words ring so true:

When you are older you will understand how precious little things, seemingly of no value in themselves, can be loved and prized above all price when they convey the love and thoughtfulness of a good heart.

You gave me so much love; mostly in your actions never through words. It made me strong, confident and vulnerable at the same time. You have a big, beautiful heart with such a strong, noble soul. I remember talking to you over the phone saying " I love you"....and you would reply with a "thank you"!! I know you loved me with all your heart and soul. I have felt it all my life, so loved and cared for.

I am not going to lie. I feel alone, adrift without you with no anchor. Appa, you would often tell me that disappointments come from expectations. Do not have any expectations. I am trying,  but its not easy. 

On your birthday today, I am going to make your favorite kesari and give Baby Girl :) Happy birthday, Appa!

You are Leveling up to Eleven!

 Dear Baby Girl,

" The days are long but the years are short" rings so true! Did'nt you turn 10 just yesterday and you are 11 already? I can't say it enough...I just want to freeze time, hold you close to me...physically, with all my heart and soul....I always will.

my little Rapunzel, you are so obsessed with your long hair that you simply refuse to cut it or try out different hairstyles. We still fight over washing it this year too! ;-) You will soon realize that you have the rest of your life to do whatever you want, with your hair and change is the only constant...until then. I shall wait!

You delight both Appa and I, with your expressive nature; be it your long hugs and cuddles all day, your cute little artworks proclaiming your love for us or your sweet little gestures of making breakfasts or your elaborate performances...we thoroughly enjoy the lively atmosphere at home, especially during the weekends.

You have improved in singing with confidence, that was reflected in your mini-performances and opportunities to sing. Of course, there are miles to go and I wish you practised a lot more! You are showing a lot of interest in learning Western music formally. We do hear a lot of K-pop and pop songs playing in your room...sigh! 

....one of the most important milestones this year, you finished Primary school and you are off to High school...

You were so excited and nervous to get the Lead role in the Musical at school. We would often discuss the day after school and as a parent, I was nervous too, what if you don't get the part? I mentally prepared you to face rejection too ( isn't that how life is? Life throws you curves, you learn to swerve!). It was a huge relief and absolute joy to see you play the part with aplomb, an easy confidence and such happiness along with all your friends. It was really a stupendous show, Kudos! 

...It's not all roses and rainbows, you have had some challenges at school with friendships, bullying and mean behaviour. I am glad you felt comfortable to share your hard feelings with me. As your mother, it deeply hurt me to see you sad at the end of the day, but I was amazed at your maturity and the ability to rise up from the situation. It has all been resolved but it was a great lesson to teach you as my daughter. Always be kind. Hold on to your core values; everything will fall into place. 

With the end of the pandemic, we were able to travel a bit more this year. So of course, we went back to Bali for the year end break, met a few of your cousins in India and we managed to go to Kashmir for a week and explore a bit of India with you...

As you turn 11, our wish for you, is that you grow more confident, kinder, more loving and be the best version of yourself. You should work harder towards fulfilling all your dreams, desires and goals while enjoying life to the hilt, having fun and making sure everyone around you is happy. Surround yourself with people who lift you and most importantly, be someone who lifts others!

We love you, my gorgeous girl

We will always be there for you, cheering you on....with love and pride,

Amma & Appa

Birthday conversations...

 Happy birthday Appa!! ...I am going to go out and get some gold to celebrate your birthday. what do you say? (he will understand what i am referring to!)

" Birth and death are just passages where life is moving from one phase to another" - Sadhguru

Going home to Madras and staying in our home, my childhood home, where I have lived with you, spent a majority of my life - spending time with you, loving you, fighting with you, learning from you, laughing with you, praying with you....having long conversations with you...I remember and reminisce often about that. When I see your picture, I would feel an overwhelming sadness that you are not here in the physical sense anymore....now, I still feel sad but its not with that overwhelming grief. I have accepted and maybe, acknowledged it and realize that I have to move on. Life moves on. But I missed your presence, your own way of pampering me, and that feeling of protection and guidance so much. 

When we were unwell and down with Covid (back in India), I could not help but think that we would have recovered quickly if you were around... you would have done everything in your power to make us feel better,  feel loved and taken care of...I realize that I am on my own now. You have always wanted me to be strong, independant and self-reliant - I will slowly get there too. I had to start somewhere - so I did. 

If I may say, I had a closure when I came home but I worry and think a lot about Amma now... LOL... ( I don't like to cut off Amma from the pictures,  I prefer to see them both together)

I have always wondered how Appa and S( my husband for the uninitiated) are so calm, strong and resilient. I never got that...Until I moved away from home, I always took your strength for granted. Your strong support on all occasions let me be so naive, carefree and happy. I know now that I am very blessed to have a happy childhood, a shielded life from the cruel ways of the world. Appa and Amma are the reason why I always see the good in people, wear my heart on my sleeve.

Appa always made it a point to read all my blogposts and would often talk to me about it. He felt so happy that I am so expressive ( contrary to his persona and character)...I have always spoken my mind to Appa, even about difficult things in my life. Growing up, or even as a young adult, I felt seen and heard when he would patiently listen without judgement. 

Dear Appa,

I am keeping all my promises - I am getting stronger, pray more often and with sincerity and am forever grateful to God and you guys for all my blessings and my gorgeous family. I am consciously making efforts to help people in need. I love you and miss you every single day. I know that you are in a better place, happy and content.

Your golden-hearted daughter 

Baby Girl is a 10-year-old...double digits!

 Dear Baby Girl, 

You are the newest and coolest member of the double digit club! It feels like yesterday when I dreamt of holding you in my arms; hoping to manifest this sentimental glass painting into reality! I never imagined that this little baby I visualized would become a reality...boy! How amazingly beautiful is our dream? We are so honoured to be your parents and a medium that brought you into this world. You have fulfilled our lives and made us so much happier...life is amazingly beautiful with you in our life, my darling girl! 

This year has been really interesting; you got to spend time with both your grandparents and have an early birthday celebration with your extended family, grandparents and all the new friends you made. What a blessed little girl you are. You are so loved and so many people came together to celebrate you and the fact that you are growing up! <3

Appa writes beautiful poetry and he is often a man of few words. When it comes to both of us, not-so-much! We love you with all our hearts and will always support you and love you in every way possible, my munchkin! 

​you walk on your own path.

stumbling, crawling and scrambling,

moving forward as much as in reverse.

never faltering, never giving up,

until you reach your goal.

you speak your own truth.

through hitherto unknown languages and media;

lucid and insightful, not philosophical,

your theories of life and truth

are often superlative and utopian.

you sing your own tunes.

no years of training to bank on

but creating a thousand songs everyday

​inspired masterpieces of art they may not be,

but everyone loves them.

you are graceful.

dance to your own rhythm with no stage fright,

you can perform anywhere, at any time.

at times amusing, mostly graceful

but always entertaining.

you are persistent.

change is constant as is your energy

but with a determined, almost obsessive, single-minded focus.

always doing what you want, when you want to;

even so, no one complains.

​you write your own stories

with peerless creativity and imagination;

using any tools and elements you can find.

so advanced are your plots,

they are rarely understood by others.

you are fearless.

of everything that moves or is still.

on the other hand, you are incredibly brave

and do things no one else dares to do

as if there were the simplest tasks.

you live your own life.

away from the all the pervading chaos,

in your own imaginary land.

unaware of the ways of the world and

at peace with yourself and all around.

you are…a Blessing.

We pray to Ummachi to always bless you with abundance of good health, love, happiness and all that your heart desires! You are certainly the most beautiful blessing we have received in our lifetime! We wish you a wonderful year ahead filled with loads of fun, memories, learnings...our sweetest, kindest daughter in the whole wide world!

All our love and blessings,

Amma & Appa

Happy Birthday Appa!

 It's your birthday today and I want to celebrate you. ...I think of you and miss you everyday, and you are so alive in my thoughts, actions and especially, in the fact that I want to help people more, financially, physically or in any way I can...that part is definitely all YOU! 

I use sandalwood powder, I smell absolutely like you...I can feel your presence with the fragrance...

I make "paruppu usuli" and I savour it a lot more now coz it was such a favourite and you would make it with a lot of effort and love...

I think of you anytime we eat something you like, cabbage curry, rava masala dosa or a sweet dish that you would like...

I discuss my dreams about you with S and A, and it's always a good dream. I think it's your way of telling me that you are always there for me...

I am a changed woman, I have become more mature after you passed away...I am trying to be mentally strong just like you wanted me to be...

I am living life one day at a time, enjoying and trying to be happy, We will all celebrate life and celebrate you ALWAYS and FOREVER!! I love you, APPA!!!

Baby Girl is 9 years old today!

 Dear Baby Girl,

...As I try to reminisce the year that flashed by on your birthday, I can only think of how excited you are, about your birthday and the double celebrations, that happen with friends and then family in India virtually. I think you are very much like me, in that sense, so excited about your birthday, the excitement, the celebrations and all the adulation! :)

While it is unfortunate that the pandemic situation still continues to exist, I can see how well you have adapted yourself to it, and learnt to enjoy yourself in every way despite it. You wear your masks like a pro, with a smile hidden inside it. I really hope none of us will need a mask anymore when I sit down to write to you next year!

I am so humbled to see your phenomenal growth, especially on an emotional level. You have a clear understanding of acceptance, compassion, kindness and a special ability to always understand when to give me a hug and make me feel all better again! Humility is still lurking around, waiting for you... ha ha ha...there is a sea-change in your demeanor and I feel really proud of you, for evolving and growing into a good human being. Of course, there is a long way to go...

Apart from birthdays and anniversaries, you have taught us to celebrate and revel in the little joys of life. You are such a sweet, loving and expressive child that makes us smile with her loving cards, notes, handmade gifts, and tight hugs for no reason. You look forward to weekends to enjoy a game of Dobble, Uno, Jenga or any other new game that is added to the array. That tradition continues...

You speak so lovingly, patiently to Paati, that really warms my heart. Her heart sings with joy at every tamizh word you speak, every musical note from your voice, and yearns to see your beautiful face with a beaming smile. Your vivid memories of Thatha, and the fun things you did with him in Madras are memories that keep me sane. You are so thoughtful, I am amazed at how you are looking for any signs of sadness or tears when something we watch or eat triggers a memory of my Appa....you quickly run over and give me a hug, or inform S that I am sad or thinking about Thatha....at these times, I wonder who is the mother? We are both longing to see Paatti and our loved ones in person, we will definitely visit India soon...

We share a common love, madness, passion for music. You are perpetually singing loudly, dancing and your energy is infectious. We listen to good music before we sleep too. You are showing more interest in learning music, and I can see that your confidence growing too. Learning will continue...Music is a life-skill that will create a beautiful balance and lend such calmness to your mind. You will know...

When S has F1 on the weekends, you and I, have our own ritual of playing "Jaanu Papa and Aadu Papa". I really enjoy being a baby with you again. You love it so much that you are always checking with Appa for the F1 schedule. I think it's fun coz you get to see a different side of me - carefree, spontaneous, child-like, silly. But I can't always show that side coz it is good to be a balanced parent - disciplined yet fun!

You are obsessed with the water, the beaches, swimming...such a water baby!! I am happy to see you swim and enjoy being in the water, vicarious fun for me. You are such a social being too, I like the role-reversals now when you introduce me to so many people as your mother!!! It was so funny when the other day, a random person I didn't know too well, stopped me to ask if I am your mother? Apparently, my smile matches you..It is the other way round, your smile matches mine! ha ha ha

We want you to grow exponentially, in leaps and bounds in every way possible. Also, have a lot of fun, enjoy life to the fullest and spread happiness and love in abundance, and in every way possible. We have your back, standing right beside you - egging you on, cheering you on, beaming with pride at every little victory-milestone-joys of life, my love. You are truly the love of our lives!

We love you to the moon, and back!

Lots of love and blessings,

Amma and Appa

This day last year...

1.    Click here to read the first post ( first month!)

2.    Click here to read the second post ( second month!)

3.    Click here to read the third post ( third month!)

4.    Click here to read the fourth post ( fourth month!)

5.    Click here to read the fifth post ( fifth month!) - my brother pens his thoughts here.

6.    Click here to read the sixth post ( sixth month)

7.    Click here to read the seventh post ( seventh month)

8.    Click here to read the eighth post (eighth month)

9.    Click here to read the ninth post ( ninth month)

10.  Click here to read the tenth post ( tenth month)

11.  Click here to read the eleventh post ( eleventh month) - my brother shares more...

 

  "I was never ready for you to leave..."'

Its exactly been a year since Appa passed away. I strongly believed, hoped and was so sure that I would be in Madras with my family, with Amma and Anna. God has other plans, life has other plans...I know, there's a reason that I am not aware of, right now....

I think I am still not ready to go home, to a home from where Appa won't come out to greet me or hug me. I think I still need some time to accept that, that's one reason for sure! 

I also firmly believe Appa is always with me, whether I am in India or Hong Kong, or anywhere in the world. I have an implicit faith and strong feeling now, that he is always within me, around me. That will never change, its reassuring, and it took me a long time to acknowledge that or identify that. 

Having said that, I also feel like a changed person, internally. I am much quieter than usual. I don't think its necessary to share everything with everyone or the need to talk constantly, a bit like Appa! ha ha ...I am sure its a welcome change for the people around me. We can all enjoy the silence a bit now...a part of me died with him. That will never change....even with time.

• I still tear up when I write this blog...
• I visualize him smiling, always ALWAYS asking me If I need something? a cup of tea? ...
• I miss his strong support, guiding me when I am down or stressed,,,in his own tough love kind of way...just a phone call away, even if I was not with him physically...
• I talk to Amma or Anna about him often....we share our stories together or anything that reminds us of him...
• I dream of him quite often and he is always very much alive, as if he were in my life....forever...
• I talk about him incessantly, and tend to bring him up in random conversations about my memories with him or what he would do for me...I will not apologize for it...I will always talk about him...
• I chance upon a handwritten label or note from him...and I tear up...
• I miss him when I see someone's father. I fervently hope that someone's father stays healthy and happy...
• I still cry uncontrollably at times...I know its ok....
• I also felt really touched and happy to hear a lot of stories about him from my cousins, loved ones and friends who knew Appa closely...
• It was reassuring to hear that Appa's siblings often check on Amma and talk to her regularly...
• I often cry or get upset about Appa, and I have S, Aaradhya, Amma, Anna and so many others who understand and listen...try to cheer me up in their own way ( I am sure they feel the same way or worse about losing Appa)
• Aaradhya will run from whatever she's doing..if she can see that I am sad or my eyes are moist. she can sense it every single time. I am grateful for all of them, these wonderful people I am blessed with. 

This is a glass painting I did for him...I copied it from a picture of him...Sadly, he broke it by accident and I was so upset with him. I am glad I clicked a picture on the phone, it's now on the blog...

 "Be the things you loved most about the people who are gone..."

I had asked Appa to write me a letter casually one day while we spoke on the phone. Amma tells me he wrote sincerely for days together like it was a serious assignment! True to his nature, he delivered on his promise and the letter reached me within a week. I have the letter, safely ensconced in my locker as its  my most treasured gift and memory of him. Maybe, I had an instinct.., I don't know...

Anyway, he said that he was very proud of the woman I have grown into, and what he loves most about me is that I have a golden heart, innocent and full of earnest love for everyone. His words, not mine...I hope to retain that " golden heart".

I pray a lot more, not as much as him, but as he would say, not always asking for something but just with gratitude. I do pray with gratitude and thank god for all his blessings.

I want to help many people in whatever way I can...financially, emotionally or just being there for them.

He asked me to always have a good bond with Anna coz he is my family after them. I will always do that, I will do my best to be there for him.

I strongly want to believe in this...

" Those we love don't go away. they walk beside us and reside within us everyday...maybe unseen or unheard but always near. Still loved, still missed and very dear..."

Appa and his Myriad Interests

1. Click here to read the first post ( first month!)
2. Click here to read the second post ( second month!)
3. Click here to read the third post ( third month!)
4. Click here to read the fourth post ( fourth month!)
5. Click here to read the fifth post ( fifth month!) - my brother pens his thoughts here.
6. Click here to read the sixth post ( sixth month)
7. Click here to read the seventh post ( seventh month)
8. Click here to read the eighth post (eigth month)
9. Click here to read the ninth post ( ninth month)
10. Click here to read the tenth post ( tenth month)

Anna is the fortunate sibling who has lived with my parents all his life and I repeat myself when I say this but I envy him for this aspect. Living together in close quarters, they have a shared bond, interests and have spent some quality together. He writes about light and happy incidents he remembers...this month.

Appa and Anna at his wedding, 2011.

All of us know Appa as a strict disciplinarian with a no-nonsense attitude.  People assume his interests are limited to his religious pursuits; however interestingly, Appa had a varied set of interests which will surprise most of us.  I will try and put it across.

Appa and Music

All of us know Appa had a great ear for Music...ardent Carnatic music Fan, he could not sing but had a great interest in music.  He used to tell us how in his younger days ( he was about 11 or so) would walk upto 10 -15 kms to listen to popular musicians who would sing all through the night and he would come back and slip into the thinnai. ( refers to a raised platform outside the entrance of the house).

Appa also loved Film Music both Tamil and Hindi; his favourite singer was T.M. Soundarrajan.  He used to have boxes and boxes of cassettes of film songs of TMS.  He would ask me to download songs on a USB.  He also had a great collection of old hindi music - Rafi, Kishore kumar, Asha, Latha, RD, SD, Madan Mohan.  You would see him sitting in his room playing these old songs.  He was choosy of the songs as well.  He would not record, or download the entire album, he would patiently sit with me on selecting the songs to be downloaded. I often used to make fun of him saying, “Record panikirel yeppo ketu mudipelo” ( you record so much, when do you actually listen?)and he would jokingly say "neenga yenna thaniya vitta thane" ( only when you guys leave me alone!!)….. ;-)

He enjoyed listening to his granddaughters singing; he would ask them to sing - Dhrithi would sit in his room singing all the songs she knew and he would be sitting and listening while Aaradhya will sing to him over the phone or Janani would send her video/audio recordings on Whatsapp. He would tease Janani that Aaradhya sings even better than her, (he would listen to it over and over...)! :D

Appa and Movies

Appa was  a movie buff in his youth.  When he was in Bombay, he would watch all movies, Hindi, English, Malayalam, Tamil.  Language was no bar ☺.  He loved action movies.  Western movies were his all time favorites.  Good Bad and the Ugly, For a few dollars more, Fist full of dollars are movies he would watch any time it was on TV.  Clint Eastwood was one of his favorite actors.

Baasha, Nayakan, Guna – I have lost count how many times both of us would have watched it.  Today when  I watch the movies I always feel like he is sitting next to me watching and commenting.  I still remember he used to say "Guna le Kamal acting super da…. " ( Kamal hassan did a great job in the movie Guna)

In his later years he did not have the patience to sit through the entire movie, but he would watch all action sequences with rapt attention.  He would not like to be disturbed when the fight sequences would come on TV.  

His other surprising interests would be the WWE.  He would not share the remote when the shows were aired, especially the royal rumble and Wrestle Mania.  He would get wild if we change the channels.  He would know the players by names, right from Hulk Hogan, Hitman, Triple H, the Rock and his all time favourite THE UNDERTAKER.  He would sway involuntarily to the movements of the players.  He would get wild if we disturb him during the programs.  He would not give the remote to anybody and watch the entire program like a child.

Appa also liked comedy very much.  Nagesh, Kamal, Crazy Mohan, Senthil, Koundamani and of course Vadivelu.   He was a great fan of Vadivelu in his later years.  Both of us would watch comedy scenes from movies daily.  Our routine was after I come back from work, Dinner and Amma’s quota of TV time we would straight jump into the couple of comedy channels which would air comedy scenes all thru the day.  H would laugh out loud and enjoy them.  Both of us would sit watching and Amma would jokingly ask us  “ Yen da ungalaku bore adikaatha paathathe paathundu irukel”( don’t u get bored seeing the same again and again}.  Appa would say "unaku puriyaathu ma" ( you don't understand), we enjoy it.  Vadivelu was his favourite.  He would repeat his one liners very often ( "unaku vantha ratham, yenaku vantha Thakkali Chutney - roughly translates to for you its blood, and for me its tomato chutney?").  He would retire to bed late after this daily routine.  I still follow this routine but miss him very badly when I don’t hear his laughter.

Appa and Food

I had earlier hinted here on Appa’s interest on food.  Appa on one side, would eat whatever was served as he would not talk while eating and would never mention of taste.  At the same time, he had very specific liking of food whether we eat outside or cook at home.  He liked the Halwa from Bombay Halwa House in Chennai, or idlys would be always from Sangeetha.  His visits to Mylapore would never be complete without his visits to Maami kadai for snacks.  Even when Pongal was cooked at home, it was always accompanied with Vadai from outside.    Lunch outside would have to be only in Woodlands. Dinner outside was always roti with Bhindi Masala.  Even when Janani used to come he would ask her to make the Bhindi subzi. He himself was an expert cook.  He would churn out awesome dals, Rava Upma, delicious sakkarai Pongal, Semiya payasam to name a few.  He would say if you don’t add the extra dollop of Ghee then u will not get the taste.

Both of us have learnt quite a bit of cooking from both of them.  Even today when I make Rava Upma, I thank my Guruji Mr. Rajagopalan and strive to match his taste which is still to be achieved. Satya learnt to make Upma for Janani (when she was pregnant with A) just like Appa !!!