Happy birthday Appa!! ...I am going to go out and get some gold to celebrate your birthday. what do you say? (he will understand what i am referring to!)
" Birth and death are just passages where life is moving from one phase to another" - Sadhguru
Going home to Madras and staying in our home, my childhood home, where I have lived with you, spent a majority of my life - spending time with you, loving you, fighting with you, learning from you, laughing with you, praying with you....having long conversations with you...I remember and reminisce often about that. When I see your picture, I would feel an overwhelming sadness that you are not here in the physical sense anymore....now, I still feel sad but its not with that overwhelming grief. I have accepted and maybe, acknowledged it and realize that I have to move on. Life moves on. But I missed your presence, your own way of pampering me, and that feeling of protection and guidance so much.
When we were unwell and down with Covid (back in India), I could not help but think that we would have recovered quickly if you were around... you would have done everything in your power to make us feel better, feel loved and taken care of...I realize that I am on my own now. You have always wanted me to be strong, independant and self-reliant - I will slowly get there too. I had to start somewhere - so I did.
If I may say, I had a closure when I came home but I worry and think a lot about Amma now... LOL...
( I don't like to cut off Amma from the pictures, I prefer to see them both together)
I have always wondered how Appa and S( my husband for the uninitiated) are so calm, strong and resilient. I never got that...Until I moved away from home, I always took your strength for granted. Your strong support on all occasions let me be so naive, carefree and happy. I know now that I am very blessed to have a happy childhood, a shielded life from the cruel ways of the world. Appa and Amma are the reason why I always see the good in people, wear my heart on my sleeve.
Appa always made it a point to read all my blogposts and would often talk to me about it. He felt so happy that I am so expressive ( contrary to his persona and character)...I have always spoken my mind to Appa, even about difficult things in my life. Growing up, or even as a young adult, I felt seen and heard when he would patiently listen without judgement.
Dear Appa,
I am keeping all my promises - I am getting stronger, pray more often and with sincerity and am forever grateful to God and you guys for all my blessings and my gorgeous family. I am consciously making efforts to help people in need. I love you and miss you every single day. I know that you are in a better place, happy and content.
Your golden-hearted daughter
