Birthday conversations...

 Happy birthday Appa!! ...I am going to go out and get some gold to celebrate your birthday. what do you say? (he will understand what i am referring to!)

" Birth and death are just passages where life is moving from one phase to another" - Sadhguru

Going home to Madras and staying in our home, my childhood home, where I have lived with you, spent a majority of my life - spending time with you, loving you, fighting with you, learning from you, laughing with you, praying with you....having long conversations with you...I remember and reminisce often about that. When I see your picture, I would feel an overwhelming sadness that you are not here in the physical sense anymore....now, I still feel sad but its not with that overwhelming grief. I have accepted and maybe, acknowledged it and realize that I have to move on. Life moves on. But I missed your presence, your own way of pampering me, and that feeling of protection and guidance so much. 

When we were unwell and down with Covid (back in India), I could not help but think that we would have recovered quickly if you were around... you would have done everything in your power to make us feel better,  feel loved and taken care of...I realize that I am on my own now. You have always wanted me to be strong, independant and self-reliant - I will slowly get there too. I had to start somewhere - so I did. 

If I may say, I had a closure when I came home but I worry and think a lot about Amma now... LOL... ( I don't like to cut off Amma from the pictures,  I prefer to see them both together)

I have always wondered how Appa and S( my husband for the uninitiated) are so calm, strong and resilient. I never got that...Until I moved away from home, I always took your strength for granted. Your strong support on all occasions let me be so naive, carefree and happy. I know now that I am very blessed to have a happy childhood, a shielded life from the cruel ways of the world. Appa and Amma are the reason why I always see the good in people, wear my heart on my sleeve.

Appa always made it a point to read all my blogposts and would often talk to me about it. He felt so happy that I am so expressive ( contrary to his persona and character)...I have always spoken my mind to Appa, even about difficult things in my life. Growing up, or even as a young adult, I felt seen and heard when he would patiently listen without judgement. 

Dear Appa,

I am keeping all my promises - I am getting stronger, pray more often and with sincerity and am forever grateful to God and you guys for all my blessings and my gorgeous family. I am consciously making efforts to help people in need. I love you and miss you every single day. I know that you are in a better place, happy and content.

Your golden-hearted daughter 

Baby Girl is a 10-year-old...double digits!

 Dear Baby Girl, 

You are the newest and coolest member of the double digit club! It feels like yesterday when I dreamt of holding you in my arms; hoping to manifest this sentimental glass painting into reality! I never imagined that this little baby I visualized would become a reality...boy! How amazingly beautiful is our dream? We are so honoured to be your parents and a medium that brought you into this world. You have fulfilled our lives and made us so much happier...life is amazingly beautiful with you in our life, my darling girl! 

This year has been really interesting; you got to spend time with both your grandparents and have an early birthday celebration with your extended family, grandparents and all the new friends you made. What a blessed little girl you are. You are so loved and so many people came together to celebrate you and the fact that you are growing up! <3

Appa writes beautiful poetry and he is often a man of few words. When it comes to both of us, not-so-much! We love you with all our hearts and will always support you and love you in every way possible, my munchkin! 

​you walk on your own path.

stumbling, crawling and scrambling,

moving forward as much as in reverse.

never faltering, never giving up,

until you reach your goal.

you speak your own truth.

through hitherto unknown languages and media;

lucid and insightful, not philosophical,

your theories of life and truth

are often superlative and utopian.

you sing your own tunes.

no years of training to bank on

but creating a thousand songs everyday

​inspired masterpieces of art they may not be,

but everyone loves them.

you are graceful.

dance to your own rhythm with no stage fright,

you can perform anywhere, at any time.

at times amusing, mostly graceful

but always entertaining.

you are persistent.

change is constant as is your energy

but with a determined, almost obsessive, single-minded focus.

always doing what you want, when you want to;

even so, no one complains.

​you write your own stories

with peerless creativity and imagination;

using any tools and elements you can find.

so advanced are your plots,

they are rarely understood by others.

you are fearless.

of everything that moves or is still.

on the other hand, you are incredibly brave

and do things no one else dares to do

as if there were the simplest tasks.

you live your own life.

away from the all the pervading chaos,

in your own imaginary land.

unaware of the ways of the world and

at peace with yourself and all around.

you are…a Blessing.

We pray to Ummachi to always bless you with abundance of good health, love, happiness and all that your heart desires! You are certainly the most beautiful blessing we have received in our lifetime! We wish you a wonderful year ahead filled with loads of fun, memories, learnings...our sweetest, kindest daughter in the whole wide world!

All our love and blessings,

Amma & Appa