" A father doesn't tell you he loves you. He shows you ". Oh boy! He SHOWED me how much he loved me, in a million ways all his life.
Appa passed away on the 21st of April, 2020. I had asked him to write a hand-written letter to me earlier last year, as a keepsake. One of his key advice to me was that I should be strong emotionally. I should learn to face everything in life with a strong determination, never break down.
Appa passed away on the 21st of April, 2020. I had asked him to write a hand-written letter to me earlier last year, as a keepsake. One of his key advice to me was that I should be strong emotionally. I should learn to face everything in life with a strong determination, never break down.
I always call Appa( and Amma) first, to give a detailed account of my happy news, bad news, times of panic, when I am unwell ( or it's S or Aaradhya), when I need reassurance, when I need to simply hear their voice...it's like just talking to them calms me down and everything's well with my world. Life will never be the same without you, not being able to hug you or see you in flesh and blood...I know you will always be around in spirit! Yet...I break down every morning when I realize that he is no more.
Every small detail or the big stuff remind me of Appa every single day. As I grieved for his loss, that aspect stood out for me. When you lose a parent, it leaves a void that can never be filled. But I do not want to cry ( I know its ok to cry!). I want to remind myself, Amma, Anna and all those who loved him and knew him to remember him, honour his memories, share all the happy moments I shared with this amazing man, to whom I was born, a lucky and blessed daughter.
My earliest memory of Appa, is when I went to kindergarten just down the road, from our home in Madras (South India). Appa had his own business and operated close by. So he had the flexibility to pick me up from school and take me home. We had only half-day school, we would take naps after lunch there until a parent or caregiver comes to pick the child up.
In my lackadaisical state, I vividly remember safely ensconced in Appa's strong shoulders, my hands nestled in the nape of his neck, touching his soft skin. Appa is a reasonably tall man but in my mind, he was the tallest person I had ever seen! I felt really proud that MY Appa is SO TALL ! I would brag to all my friends that he is the tallest among all :).
As I grew up, I was curious like any other toddler and asked a lot of questions. Please click here to read this account. Appa loudly chuckles when he read this on the blog. He would say to me, " you are too innocent, you believe anything i say!". My brother would not buy something like that! ha ha ha...
Over the years, he would always tell me that I have a "Golden Heart", it means that I am straight forward, like to see the good in people. I cherish that compliment and hope to always live up to his expectations, his "Golden Girl", Indeed, I will be... APPA!
Every small detail or the big stuff remind me of Appa every single day. As I grieved for his loss, that aspect stood out for me. When you lose a parent, it leaves a void that can never be filled. But I do not want to cry ( I know its ok to cry!). I want to remind myself, Amma, Anna and all those who loved him and knew him to remember him, honour his memories, share all the happy moments I shared with this amazing man, to whom I was born, a lucky and blessed daughter.
Every month on the 21st until a year, I will share a memory,
revisit those times - as a child, an adolescent, an adult, a wife, a mother and
most importantly - his daughter! We will take a journey through memory lane,
converse through the blog - share all the good times, his wit and humour, his
guidance, his lessons, our happy moments together.
In my lackadaisical state, I vividly remember safely ensconced in Appa's strong shoulders, my hands nestled in the nape of his neck, touching his soft skin. Appa is a reasonably tall man but in my mind, he was the tallest person I had ever seen! I felt really proud that MY Appa is SO TALL ! I would brag to all my friends that he is the tallest among all :).
As I grew up, I was curious like any other toddler and asked a lot of questions. Please click here to read this account. Appa loudly chuckles when he read this on the blog. He would say to me, " you are too innocent, you believe anything i say!". My brother would not buy something like that! ha ha ha...
Over the years, he would always tell me that I have a "Golden Heart", it means that I am straight forward, like to see the good in people. I cherish that compliment and hope to always live up to his expectations, his "Golden Girl", Indeed, I will be... APPA!
