My evolving sartorial choices!

...when I am bored, I go through my archives and often ruminate over how I have changed/developed/evolved or insert any term that screams self-evaluation and I am going down memory lane! 

I have realized time and again that I am a mellowed down version of my former younger self. Recently, I was reading an old e-mail I had sent to S, when he was my fiance and I sounded so silly and full of words and emotions. I could not relate to that person anymore. I am essentially the same person but I may not express myself so freely or say it all out loud. I am more careful with my words; have replaced them with a smile. I guess that makes me a very cheerful person!!


I also look very different now (..I think i feel different). My style has evolved considerably. I have accepted my body type and feel good about some of my better physical attributes. I have made peace with my thunder-thighs! I have decided to embrace my well proportioned figure and good height and dress according to my personality! It may not necessarily be in-trend or what's in vogue! But hey, I dress myself in an elegant manner and i feel confident about myself. That's what matters. To me. It is such a happy space to be in. 

Of course, I want to be healthy, fit and have all the stamina to make the most of life. It's just that now I am not clamoring to be thin - if that makes sense. So I have embraced skirts - pleated, A-line, tailored - you name and it and I wear it with aplomb. Skirts that enhance a smaller waist and curves. Most importantly, you can't see my thighs! Yay! 

On a more serious note, I am learning to appreciate my positive physical attributes as well as ACCEPT that there are certain aspects that may not be very flattering about me and it's absolutely fine. Accept it and move on. There are much more important things in life to focus on and it's not such a big deal once you realize it does not matter anymore. Once you make up your mind and heart - it's not such a big deal. But this epiphany does not occur overnight. It is definitely a slow process with hurdles of extremely hurt feelings, disappointments, low self esteem etc. 

Anyway, moving on...I have also developed a keen interest in sarees. I always knew I looked good in sarees as I am quite tall but always shied away from them. I was never good with the drape and feeling as comfortable and elegant as wearing them! I have slowly embraced the gorgeous fabric, understand what material suits my body type. Now, I look forward to occasions to wear a saree. There is never a dearth for lovely sarees in a south indian household. All else failing, there is always Amma to borrow or better steal from! 


I am wearing a knit sweater top and a crop top respectively - adds a quirky and interesting twist to the saree and more importantly, you save the time and effort of looking for fabrics and a good tailor to stitch a blouse! You could pair the crop top with a skirt as well or even pair it with a smart blazer/pants/jeans.

To the utter dismay of the husband, I am always looking for interesting crop tops to pair with sarees or contrast prints and colours that will go with traditional weaves to wear - probably when my cousins, nieces, nephews or close friend's kids get married in future! what? everyone gets married at some point...at least you would hope for it! 

Baby Girl turns 5!

...this phrase pretty much sums up how I feel exactly every single day! ...

I vividly remember dreaming of this child and she has turned five already? Life seems to move at lightning speed and you are left catching your breath, wanting to catch up yet not wanting to move ahead. I often tell her that I wish i could put her back into my belly and keep her all to myself. Just me and my Baby Girl.

We moved to Hong Kong last year. While S and I were a little hesitant about how the move would affect her - she took to the new place like a fish does to water! She loves it here, has made a lot of friends, does a lot of new things, activities and loves swimming. She would proudly declare that we have a huge swimming pool in our home! (Can you ever imagine that in HK, considering how people are left wanting for space in their homes? Our apartment has a view of the clubhouse swimming pool from our large french windows in the living room). A child's mind works so simply, doesn't it? Sigh!

I feel really proud of her confidence when she often walks up to some children playing in the park and asks " Can I play with you?" without any hesitation. I am glad she feels comfortable to be independent in a social setting like that. She will also do the same in a restaurant and will ask the waiter for water or anything she needs politely. Though we as parents, have encouraged her to be more independent and feel confident in a social gathering - I doubt it comes easily to a 4 year old. I was not that confident at that age, for sure!

She has just joined "Big School" and she was such a trooper. It's quite an arduous task to get admissions to good schools in Hong Kong easily. She had multiple rounds of interviews in almost all the schools we applied to. She did very well everywhere and we were so happy and blessed that we could pick and choose the best suited school for her in all aspects. She got into a routine seamlessly and she is pretty excited about going to her new school now. I can't believe she is in Primary school already! Another big Sigh! 

One aspect that we both have in common - we have large feet! Jokes apart, she is a lot like me by nature - very social, makes friends easily, wild and crazy sometimes, spontaneous, sensitive. She is also good at a lot of different things I was not very good at - very street smart, keen observation and an elephant's memory! She never forgets even the tiniest detail about a certain day! I am amazed at her memory. 
One moment, she is spouting wisdom like a 12-yr-old already and the next moment her face is filled with utter joy or glee or excitement just as she did as a baby or a little girl and I want to freeze these moments with all my heart! It warms my heart to see so much of myself in her - her spontaneity, her unrestricted crazy wild side, her happiness in the smallest of things - it's all me! She may look more like S but by nature and personality she is totally mini-me! ( S's words, mind you not mine!) :)

Baby Girl and I have this "romantic ritual" since we could understand what I say. I would take her down to play in the park and we would normally play till it would start getting dark. The moon would appear and i would always call her and show beautiful it is! Since then, she would often point it out to me and say "Amma...moonie...moonie". It's our thing. A couple of days back, even though she is a little girl now - she smiled at me and said "moonie"! It's our thing. :)
This year, after our month-long holiday in India - I started teaching Baby Girl the basics of Carnatic music. She sings pretty well but has no patience even for a 10-minute practice session or a class. I am at my wit's end but the plan is to find a good teacher and see how it goes. What I have learnt from this though is that I am not meant to be a teacher! :P Apart from music, she also began to speak more tamizh after we got back home. 

Many of my friends are intrigued/amused that I am so particular that she speaks her mother tongue and often chide or tease me for making such a fuss about speaking tamizh. I want her to feel proud of her roots just as I do and feel that it's very important that she can speak fluently in tamizh. I did not learn tamizh formally in school. Yet my mother made a lot of effort to teach us tamizh - we also learnt to read and write tamizh by reading commercials on T.V.  So it means a lot to me and makes me very happy to hear her tamizh though she sounds like a non-tamilian when she speaks ( as of now)! Her accent is so different but i guess i can accept this version than no tamizh at all, eh?

My dear 5 year old Baby Girl,

As you turn a year older, you are also a lot more taller, more talkative, more imaginative, as inquisitive as ever and can turn a dull gloomy day into a feisty, fun day and make it all come alive. We feel so blessed to have you in our lives, my darling girl.

Stay happy, stay blessed - spread loads of love, happiness and enjoy this wonderful journey of life. I love you to the moon and back! 

The Elusive Secret to Successful Relationships!

I am in no way a expert on relationships...however, when my friends talk to me about their failed relationships or ask me how I handle mine....I do share my thoughts. I was very young and naive when I met S but i think it worked to my advantage. I was not too exposed to the world and I really had no expectations when we got together, really. I remember vividly just wanting someone taller than me. I have always been attracted to tall men. that's all I thought ...in my case, I am lucky that I did find a tall guy. It made me so happy then.

Cut to the present, as I see relationships crumble around me or observe my friends struggle to get on with their partner...I feel like they expect too much from their husbands or vice versa and some of them are really very unrealistic. S and I do not look at each other as a "magical solution" to the dread or melancholy in this world. He is just another human being, just like me - but we share similar dreams, similar values and also want to travel extensively - be happy, healthy and be good human beings and raise our daughter to be a great human being as well. This does not mean we are two peas in a pod either! We have different tastes in music, food and its absolutely fine. We have both learnt to appreciate the other's taste - at least give it a try. we have acquired some of each other's tastes. We give each other some space to have some "me - time" alongside each other or some time apart. 

I am a contribting guest author on www.bonobology.com and this* article sums up what I genuinely feel. Of course, who does not enjoy romance in their life? I totally do and we have our moments. But I am also aware that he cannot miraculously change my life or vice versa. we have to be realistic, work on our dreams and our relationship together. We work together as we regard each other our best friend. It is the reason why even after 14 years together, we have so much to talk about, with each other. We have created this safe haven between ourselves where we both feel comfortable to share, say, dream, articulate or blabber anything and everything to each other. 

Edited to Add: *This post was originally written by Nikita Dudani and first appeared on Bonobology.com.